


Picture Perfect World

by pherryt



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha Dean, Angst and Fluff, Bottom!Cas, Castiel and Jimmy Novak are Twins, F/M, First Kiss, Grieving, Hurt/Comfort, Infertility, Infidelity (NOT Dean or Cas), Kid!Fic, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mpreg, Mutual Pining, NSFB, No Twincest, Omega Castiel, Photographer!Dean, Pining, Smut, a/b/o dynamics, all the pining, blind dates, brief talk of abortion that never follows through, cas has low self worth, heat - Freeform, implied ATTEMPT at (past) physical abuse, top!dean, tub sharing, writer!Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-17 16:33:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 51,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14193114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pherryt/pseuds/pherryt
Summary: To anyone looking in, Castiel Roche-Novak had the perfect life and the perfect marriage. He was mated to his wealthy best friend, he had a job he loved and together they had a beautiful daughter.The same could have been said for Dean Winchester, married to his high school sweetheart, getting to travel for his job but finally thinking of settling down to start the family he'd always wanted to have.Their entire lives are turned upside down in the worst ways and neither think their paths will ever cross again, until Cas's publicist contracts the photographer to work with Cas on a project.Fate must be laughing now...





	1. Balthazar's Crazy Idea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been quite a ride! I've been working on this for months and months - the rough draft of this being due at nearly the same time as another Bang so I was almost pulling my hair out! I had 2 Alpha's for this (one while i was writing and one after - thank you to [deadlykittenkay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrettyBlueIz/pseuds/DeadlyKittenKay) / [deadlyangelkay ](https://deadlyangelkay.tumblr.com/) and [drdean ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/drdean/pseuds/drdean)/ [dr-dean](https://dr-dean.tumblr.com/) ) and 1 kick ass beta ([Li_Izumi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/li_izumi/pseuds/li_izumi) /[ Li-izumi ](http://li-izumi.tumblr.com/) probably wanted to smack me over the head more times than i could count... but despite not being into AU's or A/B/O she really stepped up to the plate and helped me really tighten the story up!!)
> 
> and let's not forget the praise that [thedogsled ](https://thedogsled.tumblr.com/) \- my artist - should also get! She's superwoman! She worked on 3 (count that THREE) different stories for this Challenge! Twice as an artist and once as a writer herself!!! and despite that awesome workload and some emergencies, she really pulled through. Be sure to stop by and tell her so too! Link to her Art Masterpost : [ Here ](https://thedogsled.tumblr.com/post/172626355768/art-masterpost-for-picture-perfect-world)
> 
> Note - this story starts off with a bang - the Minor Character Death happens in THIS chapter - and it affects quite a bit of the rest of the story...

**CAS POV**

Castiel sat in Balthazar’s spacious--and overly ostentatious--living room, listening to his best friend go on about his latest enterprise. It would probably amount to not much of anything, as did most of the things Balthazar was suddenly interested in, but it would keep him (and Castiel) entertained for a little while, at least.

If nothing else, it could be interesting fodder for his book. Cas was still struggling to figure out what to write _about_ now that he was done with college and had the time to do so. Anyway, you never knew, so he planned to take inspiration wherever he could find it, and if that was in Balthy, then so be it. He knew the Alpha wouldn’t mind.

Balthazar – still expounding on the benefits of… actually, Cas had lost track of what he was talking about _this_ time – strode across the room to the lavish bar, filled with every high-end alcohol Balthazar could get his hands on. The doorbell rang.

Balthazar continued to talk as he approached the door. He was a social butterfly and often had people coming by unexpectedly, so Cas thought nothing of it until the Alpha suddenly stopped, frozen, one hand on the door. He was just... standing there. Saying nothing.

“Balth – are you all right?” Castiel rose from the couch.

From where he stood, he couldn’t see past the door, but something out of the ordinary had happened to put Balthazar off like this. Cas had only made it halfway across the room, when the silence was split by a baby’s cry. He blinked and rushed the rest of the way to the door, peering around Balthazar to spot… a small baby carrier, complete with baby. Young--too young--covered in a hand-knitted white blanket, a shock of dark blonde hair on its head and gorgeous blue eyes. A small bag – a diaper bag – sat beside the baby. An envelope was tucked into the folds of the blanket, the white of it blending with the knitted covering.

The baby cried again and Cas’s Omega instincts kicked in. He swept past his friend, reached down and plucked the baby from the carrier.

“Sssshhh, little one. It’s okay, I’ve got you,” he crooned to the baby – a girl, he thought.

Cas slipped a hand under the blanket to retrieve the letter and handed it to Balthazar. He leaned down, snapped up the bag, and went back inside, leaving Balthazar still standing frozen in the door.

Bringing the baby over to the couch, Cas sat down with her cradled gently in his arms. She’d stopped crying and was staring at him, fascinated. She wiggled in his arms and he grinned down at her. Balthazar’s home was rather warm and it had been very cold outside, so Cas set about divesting her of a few layers – like the blanket and the coat he discovered underneath. Her little sleeper was white and covered in adorable little ducks and as soon as she was free of the blanket, she cooed and waved her hands at him.

“I wonder what your name is, little one,” Cas said softly.

“Apparently, it’s Lia,” Balthazar said, sitting down heavily beside Cas on the couch. “And she’s mine. I guess. At least, that’s what this says.” He waved the now open letter in the air and caught Cas’s attention.

Castiel looked up to see Balthazar looking fairly wild-eyed and panicked.

“Do you believe it?” Cas asked.

“Does it matter if I do or not? I can’t be a father! Cas! I don’t even _like_ kids! I wouldn’t know what to do with one if it… if it…”

“If it showed up on your doorstep?”

“Yes!” Balthazar dropped dramatically against the couch and closed his eyes. “My life is ruined, Cassie! Ruined!”

“I wouldn’t say that. She’s absolutely adorable. And for what it’s worth, I think she has your eyes.”

Cas couldn’t take his own eyes off of Lia. He felt tears pool in them, his chest tightening. He clamped his mouth shut, knowing that any further words from him would break him and expose how hurt he was, how jealous.

God, it had torn him up inside when he’d found out that he was sterile and would never have children. He didn’t have a lot in the way of dreams. He didn’t need a lot. He already had a wonderful family and a comfortable life. All he’d ever wanted to add to it was a mate, children, and his writing career. And he’d lost two out of three at the same time, so it was no wonder he now struggled with the third.

His last boyfriend had left him when they’d discovered that Cas would never be able to get pregnant. And here Balthazar had a child he didn’t even want. How was that fair?

“Oh, love…” Balthazar gently touched Cas’s shoulder. “God, I’m so sorry. Here I am whining that I don’t want kids and… fuck, Cas, I’m sorry. I’m an insensitive prick.”

“No, Balthazar, it’s not your fault – “

“Well, I should think it is. There’s been at least one time I wasn’t nearly as careful as I thought I was, else there wouldn’t be a baby in my house, making you upset right now. So I do rather believe it _is_ my fault,” Balthazar insisted.

Cas shook his head and sniffled. Torn between the urge to cry or to laugh. For all his odd, dramatic ways and his penchant for spending money like water, Balthazar was a good man. A sarcastic bastard at times, yes, but Cas rather liked his wit. And he was loyal and thoughtful. He’d threatened to go after Cas’s ex for breaking his heart. But Cas’s heartbreak had been rooted more with the issue of his sterility than with his breakup, resulting in a depression he was only now managing to crawl out of, thanks to the help of his brother, Jimmy, and his best friend, Balthazar.

Now, the arrival of this little one was threatening to topple him straight back in -- a vivid reminder of what he could never have. Even with the option to adopt, too many Alphas wanted nothing to do with a broken Omega.

Lia cooed again and reached a hand up, waving it about and accidentally bopping Cas on the nose as he hunched over her. He smiled. _God, she was adorable._

“What are you going to do with her?” His voice croaked and hitched as he curled the baby closer to his chest.

She nosed about looking for something he just didn’t have and his heart broke even more.

“After I’m done panicking… I think I’ve got the craziest idea…”

* * *

 

**9 Years Later**

“Papa! We’re going to be laaaaate!” Lia whined from over by the door of their hotel room.

Castiel smiled indulgently. “Lia, did you grab everything you wanted to bring?”

The ten-year-old rolled her eyes. “Yes, papa.”

“So you have that drawing you made to give to Ms. Bradbury?” He knew, of course, that she didn’t; he could see it sitting on the dresser.

She gasped, running back to snatch it up from the dresser before darting back to the door impatiently. Cas tried to hold back his growing smile, lest his little girl think he was laughing at her. With a last glance at the room, he patted down his pockets for his keys, wallet and phone, and he picked up a small notebook and pen and slid them into his deep trench coat pockets. He grabbed the little bag filled with water, snacks, and their tickets and joined Lia at the door. They rode the elevator down to the main floor and walked over to the convention center.

Cas tried to slow his pace, but, even with her little legs, Lia had long since learned how to keep up with him and soon they were inside the hall and waiting in line. This was only the first day of the convention, and they had a pretty action-packed event planned, but the one thing Lia was looking forward to the most was meeting Charlie Bradbury, an actress on the show “Moondor.”

Charlie played the Queen of Moons and Lia was absolutely enamored of her. Cas liked the actress because in addition to being good at her job, she was also a gem in real life. She worked with charities all the time, using her fame to help do good things. And being an Omega, she would help show Lia that no matter how she presented, you could do _anything,_ if you put your mind to it. And that, Cas knew, would be a very important part of Lia’s education.

As they sat in their first panel for the day, Cas worried that this would be the most boring part for Lia, as she was normally bounding with energy and unable to sit still and quiet for hours at a time. She was rather like Balthazar in that regard. But as Charlie Bradbury took the stage, Lia leaned forward eagerly, the rapt expression on her face squeezing at Cas’s heart. He took out his phone and snapped a picture of her. He didn’t even need to be sneaky about it – she was so fascinated by Ms. Bradbury’s words that she never even noticed.

He quickly sent the picture to Balthazar.  >> Those tickets you splurged on were a good purchase.

<< She looks so happy. I hope you’re buying her _all_ the things.

Cas rolled his eyes with a smile, glancing up quickly to check on Lia. She was still absorbed, her mouth gaping wide, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

>> We can’t buy her _everything_ , Balthy. That’s not healthy.

<< But Caaaaas… How else am I supposed make her feel loved? I’m not exactly the best dad ever. I’m just not cut out for it. Not like you.

Cas sighed. It was an old argument.

“I’m never home, I don’t do the ‘cuddling’ or the outings. I don’t go to her tea parties with her stuffed animals. I don’t let her paint my nails. I’m surprised she even knows what I look like!” Balthazar had ranted more than once.

“You provide for her. You think of her whenever you go out some place new, bringing her back gifts that show you were keeping her in your mind. Even if your gifts tend to be a bit overboard at times, it’s still proof that you haven’t forgotten her,” Cas had replied. “She doesn’t want for anything. She has a family. We don’t know what would have happened to her if you had given her up. Anything could have happened. She could have found a good family, or a bad one, or simply been lost in the system – we just don’t know! Here we know she’s loved.”

He knew Balthy tried. As much as Cas’s mate and husband had never wanted a child, Balthy didn’t want Lia to feel unwanted. He wanted her to have anything and everything she could possibly need, even if he couldn’t provide her with the same type of love or affection Cas could.

Cas didn’t know how often he had to reassure Balthazar. Clearly, at least once more.

<< You really, really love her, and she really, really loves you back. She’s more your daughter than mine.

Balthazar didn’t answer and Cas sighed again. He dropped his hand and phone to his lap.

It wasn’t as if Balthazar didn’t love her – he did, even if he couldn’t figure out what to _do_ with a child.  Balthazar kept living his life as he always had.  Nothing much had changed with his marriage to Cas except that now Balthazar was more discreet and careful with his hookups, and wore Blockers at all times so Lia wouldn’t smell how uneasy he was around her and think he hated her.

Cas knew how guilty Balthazar felt about it, no matter what he said.

Cas snapped back to the present as the audience clapped and Lia bounced up and down in her seat with glee. Panel over, they made their way back out towards the vendor’s room.

“Now don’t forget, you only have 40 dollars to spend, okay? So the best thing to do is to go through the whole room first and figure out what you like the best and then go back,” Cas explained.

He could easily have given her more. With Balthazar funding their trip, money was no object, and as much as he chided his mate for buying Lia everything, Cas was hard-pressed not to do the same here. After all, this was a once in a lifetime event. But giving her limits was good. It made her stop and appreciate every dollar.

She nodded solemnly. “But the room’s so _big_ – how do I remember?”

Cas grinned at her, pulling his notebook and pencil out. “We can write it down to keep track of it all.”

“You’re so smart, Papa!” she gasped, throwing her arms around him.

It was the little moments like these that made his heart swell, the grin on his face only growing wider.

They took their time exploring; this was special and Cas wanted to keep it special for Lia. He wanted her to have a good memory of this, as she also remembered that while it was her Papa that brought her, it had been her Daddy who’d made it possible.

She was so spoiled.

But she was the only child Castiel would ever have, so sue him if he lavished all his love on her. He did try to balance things so she wasn’t a spoiled _brat_ and that seemed to be working out so far. He couldn’t be happier.

In the end, after more than one circuit around the room, Lia wound up with a necklace, a bracelet, a tee-shirt and a handful of pins. The cuteness of her smile and boundless enthusiasm doing much to stretch out her allotted cash as vendor after vendor offered her small discounts as enticements. Cas made sure she thanked them for going out of their way like that and was pleased by how easily she listened.

Walking away from the last vendor, all of her cash used – he’d probably give he a little more tomorrow because yes, he was a pushover – she hummed happily while admiring her necklace. Abruptly, she stopped in her tracks and looked at him.

“Is it time yet, Papa?” Lia tugged at his sleeve and he grinned, looking at his watch.

“I do believe it is, poppet. Are you excited?” he asked.

She bounced and grinned at him as they walked to the escalators and got into the line. This was the second part he’d been dreading. Lia was not a very patient child and he didn’t know how fast the lines would move. But it would be good practice and lesson for her.

In the meantime, he texted Balthazar with updates while they waited. After a few moments of that, Lia started tugging on his arm.

"What are you doing on your phone, Papa?" she groaned.

"I'm texting Daddy about our day."

"Oh! You need to tell Daddy about all the stuff we got!" she chattered excitedly.

He smiled down at her indulgently, calling up Facetime and holding out the phone so she could see. "Why don't you tell him yourself?"

She beamed and waved excitedly as Balthazar appeared on the screen.  “Hi, Daddy!” She held out her arm. "Look? I got a bracelet! Isn't it pretty?"

Balthazar squinted. "Pull your arm back a little, love, it's too close to the camera - ah there it is. Yes, it's very pretty."

Lia dropped her arm and leaned forward a little, holding up the necklace - a black strand covered in red and gold beads and a series of dangling charms of the moon in different phases. "And this too!" She chirped proudly.

"I love it. You definitely know how to accessorize," Balthazar said.

Cas held back a snort. _Ah, father and daughter, more alike than they thought._

Over the years, Balthazar’s look of absolute fear and  ' _what-the-fuck-am-I-doing’_ had slowly been replaced by one of actual interest the older Lia got, but he never quite lost it entirely. It was a little adorable how awkward and lost Balthazar still looked whenever he was around her. And maybe one day, Balthazar would feel completely comfortable around Lia.

“All right, loves, I hate to say it but I have to go – my ride's here,” Balthazar said looking to something off screen. “You be good for papa, okay Lia?”

“Of course, Daddy.” Lia beamed at Balthazar and blew a kiss to him through the phone.

Cas was fairly certain he was the only one who saw the little wince that Balthazar hid behind his smile.

Cas said goodbye with a smile of his own, hung up and let his phone drop back into his pocket. It was good timing – the line was finally moving.

“Papa! Look!” she squealed, turning around and pointing further up the line.

Castiel followed her line of sight to see another attendee dressed in costume much like she was.

“Can I get my picture taken with him? Please?” She lifted up her face and he felt those puppy dog eyes doing their work.

He couldn’t see the harm in it. “Sure, but ask first, all right?”

She fearlessly skipped over to the other cosplayer who looked down at her and smiled. He gave a nod and then looked back over at Castiel.

“Can you hold my spot, please? I’m just going to take a picture of my daughter,” Cas asked the person standing beside him.

“Of course.”

With a grateful look, Cas moved forward, pulling out his phone and taking the photo. The other fan was very friendly and accommodating and didn’t mind Lia’s exuberance. When they were finished, they returned to their place in line, Cas once more thanking their line neighbor.

The closer they got to the front of the line, the more antsy Lia got. Bouncing on her toes as she tried to peer around the press of people. Cas just thanked god for Blockers because even with everyone (or _hopefully_ everyone) wearing them, the sheer amount of people was nearly  overwhelming to his nose.

They were only three people away, the line moving fairly rapidly once it had gotten going, when his phone went off. Cas’s cheeks burned hot as eyes turned to him with raised brows. Embarrassed, he pulled it out of his trench coat and immediately thumbed it open to turn the sound off.

It hadn’t been a call, or a text, but a news alert, he noticed with a frown. He’d had it set a long time ago to flag certain key words – one being Balthazar, of course – to keep up to date on certain things. With Balthazar often gadding about the world, he sometimes forgot to keep Cas informed on stuff he really didn’t want to get caught blindsided on.

He looked up as he muted the phone and noted it wasn’t their turn yet, so he tapped the notification, with the intention to quickly scan it and then drop it once more back in his pocket.

Cas got no further than the headline.

_“Balthazar Roche Killed in Freak Hit and Run on a Business Trip in France”_

No… that can’t be. They were just talking to him...

Lia tugged on his hand. Cas stared at his phone. _This couldn’t be true… this wasn’t happening_. What had been the source? It had to have been one of those false news sites, right?

With a sinking feeling, he realized it was not.

Alert after alert, now silent, from several reputable news outlets flashed over his screen, all bearing the same news. All of it boiling down to the same thing.

Balthazar was dead.

“C’mon, Papa!” Lia called, oblivious to the turmoil running through Cas.

“Ticket, please,” said a bored voice.

They were next. How had that happened? He couldn’t do this. Fuck, he couldn’t do this.

But he couldn’t ruin the one thing his daughter had been looking forward to. It was the last thing she’d have as a happy memory for a while.

He dropped his phone. There was a clattering beside him.  He tried to dig out the tickets he’d just had in his hands earlier. Where were they?

Somehow, he found them. Somehow, he handed them to the skinny kid manning the ticket box. They were moving forward again.

No.  He couldn’t do this.  He couldn’t join Lia in this picture – he’d absolutely ruin it. There was no way he could smile. If she looked back on this, she wouldn’t remember the good day they’d had, only the bad news that would overshadow it. His arm stretched out as she kept walking and then jerked to a stop, turning to stare at him with confused eyes.

Lia tugged gently at his hand, “Papa? It’s our turn…”

Throat tight, eyes burning, he shook his head and let go of her hand and tried to wordlessly nudge her forward. He tried to smile reassuringly, but it hurt and he was sure with the way her eyes widened that it looked nothing like a smile.

“Papa? You have to be in the picture with me. It’s _our_ picture, remember?” Lia asked quietly, uncertainly.

He just shook his head again. He couldn’t speak, couldn’t open his mouth. If he did, he was sure he would break. Lia and Balthazar may not have been close, but he was still her father. Lia _still_ loved him, in that faithfully loyal way of children.

How was Cas going to tell her that her father was dead?

No, it had to be a mistake. His best friend couldn’t be dead. It had to be one of those internet hoaxes. Balthazar would call any moment to laugh about it.

This couldn’t be happening.

Lia stared at him, scared and Cas didn’t know what to do.

A hand grabbed his elbow, another grabbed his shoulder and someone steered him off to the side. Cas was guided into a chair and Lia had climbed into his lap, her arms wrapping around his neck and her face tucking up against his.

“Papa, what’s wrong?”

“Hey man, are you gonna be all right?” a deep voice sounded off to their side as something touched him.

Cas blinked and looked at the freckled man staring at him in concern. Cas blinked again, dumbly.

The man went to say something else before someone shouted.

“Yo, Dean, get back to work!”

The man in front of him swore, and with an uncertain look back at Cas, scrambled to get behind his tripod.

Cas was still in the photo op room. Things were still moving. That was good. It wouldn’t have been fair to everyone else if Cas’s personal crisis had made them miss out on meeting their idol.

He ducked his head down into Lia’s hair and wrapped his arms around her tightly.

Lia hadn’t gotten her picture after all, had she? Cas couldn’t remember her getting it. She’d missed her opportunity, because of him. Because he couldn’t have waited five minutes to check his goddamn phone. His fingers tightened on Lia’s shirt and he tried to hold back the sniffle.

They’d been the unlikeliest of best friends, and even unlikelier mates.  Yet they’d known each other for close to 15 years and had been mated for 9. Balthazar may not have been the love of his life, the Alpha he’d wanted as a mate, but he was… _had been_ … Cas’s best friend and a good man.

Now what did he do? How was he supposed to tell her?

 


	2. A Nasty Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean meets Cas and Lia while he's working at the convention... never dreaming he has bad news awaiting him when he gets home...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, so the infidelity tag applies to this chapter. like i said: not Cas or Dean, but it definitely affects Dean. It's close to the end of the chapter.

**DEAN POV**

“Yo! Winchester!”

The shout had Dean turning around, only to find Charlie Bradbury already in his face.

“Well, well, if it isn’t my favorite celebrity,” Dean smirked.

He’d met Charlie a few years ago through an event just like this one and they’d instantly bonded. They weren’t able to get together often outside of the shows, but by the third day of knowing each other, they’d already exchanged numbers and now texted back and forth an insane amount.

He bowed. “How are you today, your majesty?”

Charlie took on an imperious look, head held high. “You may be at ease, good subject.” She giggled, unable to contain it any longer. “So how have the shoots been?”

Dean shrugged. “Same old, same old. The actors come in, some of them say hi, some of them ignore me, some of them goof off so much I’m amazed we ever get anything done.”

Charlie rolled her eyes. “That was, like, _one_ time.”

Dean snorted. “You keep telling yourself that, Bradbury. But if you’re ready to listen – I’ve got a spreadsheet.” He smirked as her jaw dropped.

She stuck out her tongue. “Thhppt, whatever. My loyal and adoring subjects demand royal treatment and I shall give it to them. No one rushes the Queen!”

“Yeah, yeah, y’know I’m just teasing ya, Char. You’re one of the best out there. I always look forward to the shows I get to work with you,” Dean conceded.

She gave him a light smack on his arm. “Hey! I just had an idea! We should totally go out for drinks tonight! Maybe at a karaoke bar? Eh? Whaddya say, Winchester? See who gets the most ladies? Eh?”

Dean laughed. “Charlie, I’m a happily married man!”

Charlie pounced. “Which makes you the perfect wingman! After they’ve succumbed to the ol’ Winchester Charm, you can soothe their broken hearts by sending ‘em my way.”

She waggled her eyebrows at him and he laughed again at the ridiculousness of it.

  
“I dunno… Don’t you have that thing with the fans tonight? Uh, what was it – “

“Don’t be silly! Of _course_ I’m not bailing on my fans! I was thinking afterwards. Unless you think you’re getting too old for late nights at a con?” She crossed her arms challengingly.

“Try me,” Dean said, rising to the bait.

She laughed. “Okay, then. Meet me as I get out of my ‘thing’ and we’ll head out straight from there.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

A couple of security staff made their way over towards the entrance doors. That was the cue for Dean and Charlie to get out of the middle of the room and over to their stations. The photo room was spacious, though Dean’s setup - tripod, camera, lights, and printer - was shunted off to a tight corner. The photo backdrop took a huge swath of spacing going down the center of the room, and there were some tables and chairs off to the side, but the majority of the space was reserved for the line of fans about to enter. It would get cramped fast except where Dean and Charlie stood.

“Looks like the hordes are ready to descend once more. You’re my last shoot of the day, so let’s have some fun.”

She grinned cheekily at him before taking her place in front of the photo backdrop.

While he was always glad to spend some time with her, Charlie’s arrival had taken away Dean’s chance to check his phone for any messages from his mate, Michael. Normally, he’d have had a response by now to his text that he’d gotten in safe late last night. Michael would send some sort of acknowledgement, followed with “I love you! Good luck at the show!” but today there’d been nothing, and it worried Dean.

They’d been fighting more often lately, and usually about stupid shit, like whose turn it was to do the dishes when Dean was home, or Michael ruining one of Dean’s favorite tees. It got Dean thinking: he was away from home a lot and the idea that Michael might be feeling abandoned had crossed his mind. Dean honestly couldn’t blame him, though Michael had always assured he was fine with it, and perfectly willing to wait till Dean was ready to settle down. Dean wasn’t sure if that was true anymore. Or maybe it’d never been true.

Dean frowned to himself and turned his attention back to his job. The line had formed and everything was waiting on him. He gave a nod to the line manager that he was ready to go.

Dean watched the first person approach Charlie.  The actresses’ broad, infectious grin lit up the room and eased the nervous fan. Dean grinned too. He snapped some shots, checked the screen to make sure they were viable and nodded.

The next fan brought a baby with them and Dean’s heart melted. He was hard pressed not to abandon his station and coo at the little thing, who was dressed in a mini costume of the Queen of Moondor. He had to give the family props: that had to have been homemade. The baby smiled as Charlie held him for the shoot and Dean zoomed in with the camera to get some closer shots than he normally did. The adorableness was worth it. He enjoyed every chance he got to work with children.

They’d always wanted kids. He and Michael had talked of it often in the early days of their relationship, before they were ever mated. Maybe it was time. Biological clocks and all. In fact, that could be part of why Michael was so upset, why they were fighting so much. Maybe he saw Dean’s continued life on the road as lost opportunities.

It would mean giving up some things. _If_ Michael really was ready for that stage of their lives – and God, Dean hoped so – it would mean looking into options for work while staying home. He loved photography and wanted to continue doing it, but he couldn’t, in all conscience, continue such extensive traveling as he did on the con circuit if he wanted to be a part of the lives of his future family. He’d miss it, of course, but having a family would be worth giving up all manner of things for.

They went through several more fans, with varying poses and props.  Dean really enjoyed how many costumes there were today, it added something to the photos. There were way more than usual, in fact, and all were as equally awesome as the first. Even the ones that weren’t all that great he could tell had been done with love and enthusiasm as they met with their idol. Some were really creative. One photo op involved a fake beheading and Dean’s eyes goggled **.**

Charlie just rolled with it. She looked like she was having a blast as she continued to beam at every person she met. Each and every one of them - despite how fast the staff tried to push everyone through - Charlie would spend at least a minute or two with a smile and a quick word and a “How are you?” before doing the photo and sending them off with a hug.

About halfway through, Dean had to change memory cards. Charlie took advantage of the 5-minute break to grab a water bottle before stepping back over to talk to Dean.

“Sooooo,” she said, looking at her nails and back up again at Dean through her eyelashes, studied casual. Dean rolled his eyes and smiled. “You seen the latest episodes?”

“You bet! They were great.” He grinned and elbowed her lightly. “New fairy lover, huh? I bet you were so _happy_ to see _that_ in the script.”

“Yeah...” Charlie dropped her hand and wrapped herself up with her arms, a small sigh and a soft, quirked smile teasing at the corners of her lips. “Gilda’s somethin’ else.”

“Sounds like you might have a bit of a crush, milady,” Dean teased.

“What? Me? Never! I am the sole of propriety! I would never go out with a costar –“

“Yes, you would,” Dean pointed out.

“Yeah, I would.” Charlie deflated before changing the subject completely, the words seemingly nonchalant as she picked at the label on her water bottle, “So... how _are_ you and Michael doing?”

Dean fiddled with his camera. “We’ve had a few rough patches recently. Nothing to worry about. Mike and me, we’ve been together since high school.”

“Oh, Dean,” she said sadly.

“What?” he demanded.

Before she could answer, the next fan was waved forward. Charlie bounced over to the fan’s side to greet them.

Dean knew what she’d been about to say anyway. She wasn’t the first person to think his marriage wasn’t a match made in Heaven, her opinions in line with those of his brother, Sam.  They both thought Dean had settled when he had mated Michael. They thought he should have held out for ‘true love’.

What bullshit! ‘True love’ was just some  fairy tale crap found in movies. It wasn’t real! What he and Michael had was comfortable and that’s what would make them last in the long run.

Everyone else had their expectations set way too high, anyway.

More fans came and went past Dean’s camera, and no matter how nervous they’d been when they walked in, they always left the room with a huge smile. Which was why the man in the trench coat, with the little girl dressed up as the Queen of Moons, stood out.

It was obvious the man was in shock. He wasn’t even seeing the room and he dropped his phone. He handed _two_ tickets off to Kevin, but only urged the little girl forward. Dean cast a worried look over at Charlie and then the scent hit them. The man must have been wearing Blockers since Dean hadn’t smelled anything prior, but the grief and despair that poured off of him must have been strong enough to break through them. If this was what they could _smell_ while the man was _wearing_ blockers, Dean was sure it would break his heart to bear the brunt of it. It was clear that the stranger was devastated far more than he appeared.

Rushing over, Dean took hold of his arm. A quick, reflexive sniff had him realizing the man was an Omega. Dean gently pulled him away from the line to the other side of the room and sit in the spare chair in the corner. The little girl followed, biting her lip as she climbed into her father’s lap.

Dean cast a look over at Charlie, only to find her picking up the man’s cell phone and some slip of paper that had fallen to the ground. She joined Dean, setting the phone on the table beside the distraught pair. She moved to place the picture down and stopped. Dean craned his neck to see why. It was something obviously drawn by a child, probably this one, and it was an adorable picture of Charlie as her character. It was addressed to Charlie and signed Lia Roche-Novak.

Carefully, Charlie put the picture down and nudged Dean, whispering, “What do we do?”

“I dunno, but I don’t think we should let them leave yet,” Dean whispered back. “Who knows if they’re alone or not, and whatever he just heard…” he didn’t need to finish the sentence. Both of them had seen grieving people who hadn’t handled their bad news well.

Someone called Charlie away just as Dean reached out to the man to get his attention. “Hey man, are you gonna be all right?”

The dark-haired man looked up at Dean with blue eyes clouded with pain. Dean struggled to hold his gaze and not look away, staggered by the sheer amount of grief and loss that pulled him in.

“Yo, Dean, get back to work!”

Dean jumped and cursed.

The man turned away, curling around his daughter.

Reluctantly, Dean returned to his camera, but he kept looking over at them in between shoots to check up on them.

The little girl--Lia?--had curled up on the Omega’s lap with a worried expression. He had his arms wrapped tightly around her, gathering her close to his chest. While his eyes were closed, Dean wasn’t entirely sure he was asleep.

But then, whatever had caused his distress wasn’t likely to allow him to sleep.

Dean was glad Charlie’s was the last photo op of the day, and the line was dwindling. As soon as the fans cleared out, Dean and Charlie dropped everything and returned to the pair in the corner.

Hesitantly, Dean reached out again with a gentle touch to the man’s shoulder to get his attention. “Hey, um, I’m Dean. What’s your name?” Starting simple was probably best, right?

The man opened his eyes and Dean’s breath caught at the pain swimming in them. He swallowed and stared back. Blue eyes blinked back at Dean, the omega’s mouth opening and closing for a moment before speaking lowly, “Castiel.”

“Hi, Castiel. I’m Charlie. Can you tell us what happened? Are you both all right?” Charlie spoke softly.

The blue eyes moved to look at her. Dean let out a breath as they left him.

Goddamn but those eyes packed a punch.

Lia stirred in her father’s arms at Charlie's voice and stretched, sitting up to turn and see Charlie right next to them. Her mouth dropped for an instant before she squealed and wriggled out of her father’s lap. He let go reluctantly, Castiel’s hands clasping each other and wringing, his knuckles and fingertips white as he did.

Her childish excitement vanished as she looked hesitantly from her father to Charlie and back again. It made Dean’s heart hurt and he could see her father felt it too. Her hand crept back, reaching for her father’s. Castiel took it, drawing her in and bending slightly to look her in the eyes.

“Go on, say hello, Lia. You’ve been waiting for this…” he whispered roughly.

The sound of his voice made Dean wince.

“But Papa! What about you?” she whispered back.

She wrapped her arms around her father’s neck and buried her face there. Castiel’s crumpled, his teeth biting his lip as shaky hands returned his daughter’s hug.

Dean rocked back a step.  He was used to intruding on intimate moments as a photographer,  but those were usually happier ones and at the subjects’ request. This was… this was different.

Dean looked at Charlie desperately. He wanted – needed – to help somehow but he couldn’t figure out how. Castiel’s distress was causing Lia to fret, which caused  Castiel further upset; Lia needed a distraction and Castiel needed a minute.

Charlie took the lead.

“Hey, Lia, would you like to do your picture now? Since you’re the last person to go, we can make it super duper extra special! What do you say? Dean here will take our pictures,” Charlie said. “He takes the best pictures I’ve ever seen _anyone_ take, so you’re really lucky to have him for our photographer.”

Lia looked at Charlie with a tentative smile but faltered again as she twisted to look back at her father.“Papa?”

“No, poppet, I don’t… feel well.” Castiel’s voice hitched. “You go ahead. It’s all right. I won’t be mad. I want you to have this, this special memory, okay?”

She stared at him, her gaze unusually serious and considering for a child of her age, or so Dean figured. Finally, she slid off her father’s lap and took a couple of steps away from him, glancing back uncertainly.

Dean leaned down to catch the Omega’s eye. “Don’t worry, man. Whatever’s going on, we’ll make it extra special for her.”

He patted Castiel on the back and stepped away. Castiel nodded gratefully, with a whispered word of thanks that tugged at Deans heart, making his breath hitch in sympathy.

Charlie looked down at Lia as the young girl reached her side and smiled, holding out her hand. “Your costume is the _best_ I’ve seen all day!”

“Really?” Lia asked, looking up with awe shining on her face.

“Absolutely!” Charlie grinned.

Lia wiggled happily, her smile brightening. “Can I hug you?”

“Of course you can!” Charlie held out her arms and Lia ran into them with a loud smack. “Ooof! You’re pretty strong!”

“I’m gonna be as strong as the Queen of Moondor!” Lia cried.

Charlie's eyes twinkled.

Dean sat back on his heels, a smile tugging at his lips as he watched their interaction. He glanced over at Castiel and saw him sadly smiling at Lia, too.

Dean got his feet moving again and got back behind the camera and fiddling with the settings while chatting away with a happier Lia. Between Dean and Charlie, they managed to distract the girl from her father long enough to wipe the worry off her face and replace it with proud joy. They turned it into a game, doing all sorts of poses with Dean making faces behind the camera to get them to laugh. Soon enough, Dean found himself in front of the camera too, clicker in his hand.

Eventually, though, the fun died down - much to the relief of some of the staffers that had been _trying_ to be patient. Dean turned off his camera, took out the memory card, and went over to the laptop-printer setup on the long table against the wall. He had a lot of photos to go through and print today, but he somehow knew these two wouldn’t be coming back once they left. While Charlie talked with Lia, Dean swiftly snagged the last set of photos and went through them, discarding the bad ones and picking out 5 that were particularly good.

They’d only paid for one photo op, but that was good for two people and Castiel hadn’t even participated. Dean would have given them two photos just from that. But there were a few other good ones and he had the feeling that these photos would mean a lot to the little girl. Dean printed all five of them off, checked the quality and nodded. He dug out an envelope to keep the pictures safe, slipped them inside, and walked over to the trio.

Castiel had remained silent through it all, though his eyes had not left his daughter as she talked animatedly with Charlie.

Suddenly, the little girl gasped and started to cry. “I had a picture for you. I made it special! And it’s gone!”

The Omega’s eyes widened and this seemed enough to snap him out of his stupor. He stood up, looking around frantically for the picture. Before he could panic for too long, or Lia could cry much more, Dean hurried to reassure them.

“No, no, no! Not lost at all! This is your picture, right?”

He picked it up and held it so she could see and saw Castiel’s shoulders droop in relief. Lia sniffled but nodded, wiping at her eyes. Dean held it out to her and she turned to hand it to Charlie.

“Here! This is for you!”

“Oh, that’s wonderful! Thank you so much, Lia!” Charlie gushed as she took the picture. “Can I get another hug from my awesome artist?”

Lia nodded and ran to Charlie with open arms.

Dean watched the pair fondly, his heart twinging with longing for an adorable child like Lia for his own.

Finally, he turned away from the sight before him and handed the envelope to Castiel.

“Hey, uh, I dunno what’s going on, but I was afraid you wouldn’t be able to come back and pick these up later, so I printed them out now. So your little girl wouldn’t be disappointed,” Dean said softly.

“Thank you,” Castiel said.

His voice choked with emotion Dean couldn’t identify until a whiff of gratefulness hit his nose. Dean nodded, patting Castiel's shoulder.

“No problem, man.”

Taking a deep, obviously fortifying breath, Castiel stood up. “Lia, it’s time to go.”

He said the words softly, but Lia heard them clear as a bell if the way her head shot up was any indication.

“But Papa…” she looked at him imploringly.

“I know you’re having fun, poppet, but we can’t continue to take up their time. The con is over for the night. We need to find food, and I need to make some phone calls.”

He patted down his jacket but before Castiel could panic, Dean remembered the phone being placed on the table. He grabbed it, and handed it to Castiel.

“Thank you, again,” Castiel said softly to Dean, and again to Charlie before taking Lia’s hand in his and walking away slowly.

Lia turned back to wave at Dean and Charlie, and Dean couldn’t help the wide grin forming on his face as he waved back. He was sad to see them go, and worried as hell over whatever had happened, but Castiel was right. He and Charlie may be done with today’s photoshoots, but they both still had things to do. He turned back to the laptop and got to work.

* * *

 

Dean kept thinking about the Omega and his daughter over the rest of the weekend. He kept an eye out as he walked through the halls and did photoshoots, but as he expected, he saw neither hide nor hair of them anywhere.

He wasn’t even sure why he was obsessing over what had happened. Charlie had already moved on, but Dean couldn’t stop looking up and hoping to see the two of them still at the con. He hoped whatever bad news they’d had was a false alarm.

Lia had been adorable, and so was Castiel, now that Dean thought about it. Dean had been too wrapped up in trying to help, he hadn’t really noticed till after the fact.

He shook his head. Dean was a married and mated man. He shouldn’t be thinking of how gorgeous the other guy had been.

He forced himself to put Castiel and Lia out of his mind and not think of them again.

* * *

 

“Heh, you should have seen some of the costumes this time, Michael. They were pretty awesome,” Dean exclaimed.

Michael seemed to have forgotten all about their fight before Dean had left – hell, even Dean couldn’t remember what they’d fought about this time – and they were talking and joking like old times.

Dean felt something ease inside of him at the familiarity of it. Since things were going so well...

“Y’know, you should come with me to a con sometime…”

“Dean, you know I don’t have the time to run around to shows with you. I’ve got work to do,” Michael chided.

There was a sigh on the other end and Dean bristled at the long-suffering tone to it.

“Dude, I know, but I mean, just once in a while. Be nice to have you with me…”

“I’m not really interested in that sort of thing,” Michael said.

Dean blinked and glanced down at his phone and back up at the road. “Since when?”

“Since… ever?” Michael said sarcastically.

“But you love Moondor and Star Wars and all those shows we watch together,” Dean protested.

“Well, not _all_ of them, but that’s different anyway. Enjoying a show in private is one thing, a convention is completely different. I don’t understand why anyone would want to pay to go to these cons and meet perfect strangers who are just being paid to be nice to you,” Michael said.

“But – wait a sec –“ Dean spluttered. “That’s not what a con _is._ Cons are so much more than that, and anyway, that’s not true, about the actors.”

“Whatever. The point is, I’m not going. It’s a frivolous waste of time and I have more important things to do.”

“Are you saying my job isn’t important?” Dean growled.

“No – you’ve got a talent, Dean. And you’re getting paid for that talent. You’re exploiting a system to your benefit, no matter how silly the system is,” Michael said. The sound of the TV turning on came over the phone, though it was by no means loud enough for Dean to understand. “Oh, hey, celebrity death!”

Dean rolled his eyes. He’d never understood Michael’s obsession with following celebrities – especially if he felt things like cons were a waste of his time. But he seemed to thrive on the gossip that surrounded celebrities while Dean tried to avoid it.

Michael had once asked him why he didn’t take ‘candids’ at cons of the celebrities and sell them to tabloids. “There has to be good money in that,” Michael had said with a grin.

Dean had looked at him in horror. “No, Michael. I’m not a vulture. I capture the moments people _want_ me to capture. I don’t put their lives on display with no regards to their wishes or feelings.”

Michael hadn’t understood then, and he still didn’t. He started happily describing the scene, of a man dodging news cameras after he got off a plane in France – Dean really wasn’t paying attention until Michael mentioned a name.

“Wait, Castiel? Castiel Roche-Novak?” Dean blinked in shock. He’d never thought he’d hear about Castiel ever again. What sort of fate was that? And what the hell could have happened to get him on the media radar?

“Yeah, he’s the trophy husband to that eccentric entrepreneur, Balthazar Roche– or was. Widowed now. Man, can you just imagine it? He must be rolling in the dough!” Michael said with a laugh.

“I know that guy,” Dean said slowly. “Holy fuck, this is…this was the news he got when…” Dean shuddered, remembering how out of it Castiel had been. Nearly catatonic.

“How do _you_ know him?” Michael asked suspiciously.

Dean blinked at Michael’s tone. He hadn’t even _done_ anything! He ignored the part of his brain that felt guilty for thinking the guy _was_ maybe kinda hot.

At least he tried to.

“At the con, he brought his daughter in to get a photograph with Charlie Bradbury but… he must have heard about this while in line…! He was pretty distraught, Michael. And a kid! They had a little girl. Fuck… she was so adorable and sweet. I’m glad I didn’t have to be the one to tell her that her dad is dead.” Dean remembered all too clearly when his mother died, how it broke his dad, how it broke their little family for so long and he shuddered again.

“Yeah, that does sound pretty rough. Glad we’re not them. Though I certainly wouldn’t mind the money,” Michael joked.

Dean couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He shook his head and took a deep breath, “Look, Michael, this kind of thing isn’t funny.”

“What? He’s just some spoiled rich boy’s trophy husband, isn’t he? I’m sure he only married the guy for his money. That’s what they all do. He’s probably happy.”

Dean hissed, clenching his hands around the steering wheel.  

“ _What?”_ Michael asked exasperatedly.

Dean couldn’t believe it. Michael really didn’t get it. What the hell?

“What the fuck is wrong with you? That is another human being’s pain! You don’t know their lives, their situations. But I was there and I can tell you that man is grieving! I could _smell_ the grief coming off of him in waves even through his scent blockers! That’s not a trophy husband who married for money! He’s flesh and blood like you or me. What gives you or anyone else the right to decide what someone’s life is like when you’ve never even met the person in question?” Dean growled. “For that matter, what gives tabloids the right to make shit up and publish it? Or for paparazzi to go around harassing people? Why aren’t these people allowed to live their lives in peace?”

“I don’t know why you’re on a soap box, Dean, but I wish you’d get the fuck off of it. I don’t appreciate being yelled at when I haven’t even seen you in weeks! I see my feelings don’t count for much. You rather care about perfect strangers than me.”

The click of the phone ended their conversation before Dean could say anything else.

_Fuck._

What the hell was that about?! The Michael he remembered in high school would never have said that insensitive shit!

He knew they’d been having more issues lately, but Dean hadn’t thought it was _that_ grievous. Had they drifted too far apart to repair anything?

No, it was because of his job, because of the distance. That was the root of all their their fighting. Maybe the rest of that had just been… deflection or something?

Fuck, was this _his_ fault?

Maybe he should tell Michael about the studio space he was looking into or the fact that he was planning to cut his hours for traveling abroad – not stop completely, but yeah, he’d be home a hell of a lot more often. Their anniversary was next month, and Dean had been planning to tell him then as a surprise but… maybe he should do it now.

The anger drained from him, Dean decided to push on and try to get home sooner rather than stopping to rest at a motel like he usually did. He needed to make sure he and Michael were okay...

* * *

 

Dean pulled into the drive and turned off the engine, staring out the windshield at the picture-perfect home he and Michael had built together.  Huffing a weary sigh from the long drive, Dean pocketed his keys and stepped out the car.

He eyed an unfamiliar car in the drive. His talk with Michael would have to be postponed, but he couldn’t blame Michael for calling a friend over to vent.

Dean quietly opened the door and walked inside, looking around to see where Michael and his houseguest were. He frowned when he realized there was nobody in the living room, or even the kitchen. He walked deeper into the house and his nose flared before he heard it.

Rhythmic creaking, gasps and moans.

Dean saw red. There was no way… there couldn’t be any way what he thought was happening was actually happening. Dread filled him as he stormed down the hall, ripped open the door of his bedroom and caught Michael with his pants down and in the arms of…

_Samuel Campbell?!_

“What the fuck?” he blurted out.

Some of his rage gave way to shock. It was bad enough to realize that Michael was cheating on him – to have the indisputable evidence of that shoved right into his face – but with his _grandfather_?!

He knew Samuel hated Dean and Sam for reasons Dean could never even fathom, but to find him currently fucking Dean’s mate of over 10 years?

Fuck his life.

Michael looked back at Dean’s shout. He winced at having been caught, his aroused smell now mixing with shame.

“Dean!” Michael gasped.

Samuel sneered at Dean. He didn’t even stop. His scent was triumphant and full of disdain.

The sound of skin slapping skin was loud in the otherwise silent room. It grated on Dean’s ears. Each fleshy smack, each grunt from Samuel, the moans Michael couldn’t stop, even now--

Nope. There was no fixing this. Dean was fucking done.

Though it would have been better to turn about on his heels, Dean walked in, anger simmering and barely held back. He moved through the room, opening drawers and snapping things up, tossing it all into one of the bags from the bottom of the closet. He forced himself to ignore the couple on the bed – _his_ bed – and grabbed everything that held sentimental value, like the picture of his mother. It was the last family photo before everything had fallen apart with her death. His wedding picture stood beside it, a place of honor it no longer deserved.

Dean tipped it over, slamming it down on the surface hard enough he heard glass breaking. What did he care anymore? He bent down, tucking his mother’s picture in gently between some soft shirts, zipped the bag and stood back up.

Michael tried to speak, calling Dean’s name but Dean ignored him. He knew they’d have to talk eventually, but now was not the time.

 _Now_ was tempting fate and he had no intention of going to jail for doing something stupid.

Samuel jerked and stilled with a shout as Dean walked back past the bed, his grandfather locking into Dean’s mate and sending Dean a triumphant smirk. Dean stopped at the door, a red haze coloring his vision but managing to keep his voice low and almost calm.

“We’re done, Michael. I don’t know what you thought to accomplish here. I don’t know why you would do this to us, but we’re done.”  Dean ripped off his wedding ring and dropped it on the floor, walking back out without a backward glance.

 


	3. Sinking In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas turn to their respective families to help process things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter marks the start of shared POV's - clearly marked off for transitions

**CAS POV**

Cas wasn’t sure how he got back to their hotel room. Lia was on cloud nine, swinging her bag of purchases back and forth as they walked. She chattered, briefly overcome with the excitement of the last – however long it had been, Cas had lost all track – to make much note of how quiet her papa was being, for which he was glad.

He didn’t think that would last long. He tried to respond, to engage, but her words washed right over him unheard and before he knew it, they were standing before their hotel door.

As soon as they got inside, he used the excuse of her costume to have her take a bath and change so he could use the time to call his brother, Jimmy.

“Cas,” Jimmy breathed, answering on the first ring. “Are you okay?”

Cas didn’t bother to ask if Jimmy knew – he obviously did – and he didn’t waste time asking _how_ he knew.

“No, no I’m not.” His voice hitched, and he knew Jimmy could hear it. He wiped a hand down his face and whispered. “What do I do?”

“Well, I’ve been fielding calls at the house. You probably have a dozen messages waiting for you by now, too. They need you to go to France, to take care of things. Do you… would you like me to go with you?”

Cas was tempted to say yes, but he sighed. “No. I need someone to watch Lia while I’m gone. It’s sure to be a media spectacle and I’m not subjecting her to that. I don’t want to subject _myself_ to that, but…”

“But it’s Balthazar,” Jimmy said quietly. “Of course, Cas. Amelia and I will watch her. How do you want to do this?”

“I’ll fly out to you as soon as I can, drop her off and then…” he let out a breath.

“Have you told her yet?”

“No. it’s going to be hard enough, I don’t think having an upset child on the plane is a good idea. I want her on familiar ground, surrounded by people she knows and loves before I break it to her.”

“Fair enough,” Jimmy said softly. “How do you think she’ll take it?”

“Jimmy, she’s a child and he’s her father, how do you think?” Cas snapped, then immediately felt guilty for taking it out on his brother.  “God, I’m so sorry, Jimmy. I’m just –“

“It’s okay, Cas,” Jimmy assured him.

The bathroom door cracked open. “Papa? I forgot my clothes.”

“Just a second, poppet,” he called out. “I have to go, Jimmy.”

“All right. Let me know when to expect you and I’ll pick you up.”

“Thank you.” he hung up and took a deep breath.

Grabbing Lia’s bag, he brought it over to the bathroom. A wet arm darted out and snagged the bag through a crack in the door.

“Thanks, Papa.”

“Of course, poppet.”

He turned to sit at the desk, pulling out his laptop. Cas looked at the clock and sighed. It was still fairly early, only about 5pm. He might be able to get a flight out to Pontiac tonight.

He wasn’t wrong. Not only was he able to find a flight to BMI – the closest airport to his brother - but he was also able to book a series of flights out to France.

Now he just had to break the news to his daughter. Without being able to explain why. It would be hard but he stood by his decision _not_ to tell her the real reason until they were back on familiar ground.

* * *

 

True to his word, Jimmy met them when they got off the plane. Lia was still sulking about cutting the con short but she was behaving, at least.

Then again, Lia was a good kid, all in all; even when upset, she tended not to cause trouble, and for that Cas was grateful.

“Uncle Jimmy!” Lia’s face brightened at the sight of her uncle and she beelined for him.

Jimmy caught her in his arms and hugged her tight. Cas saw his eyes close, while he held his niece a little longer than normal, likely thinking of the terrible moment to come.

Cas hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it throughout the entire flight, though he’d tried, for Lia’s sake.

Jimmy let her down, eventually, turning to wrap Cas in his arms. This close, Cas could smell Jimmy’s scent through his blockers, the grief and sympathy rolling off of him.   _What had Lia thought of that?_

Clutching at Jimmy’s shirt, Cas felt a sob trying to bubble its way up his throat.

Jimmy’s hand moved over his back gently. “I’m so sorry, Cas.”

The lump in his throat made it impossible for Cas to answer, but he nodded before he finally pulled back with a shaking breath.

Jimmy took Lia’s hand and Cas trailed after them, letting his daughter tell Jimmy all about their – aborted – trip.

In no time at all – or maybe Cas had just been too lost in himself to register the time passing – they were at Jimmy’s house, walking inside where Amelia and Claire greeted them.

Claire immediately took hold of Lia and the two girls disappeared. Cas wanted to protest but Amelia came forward and laid a hand on his arm.

“Sweetie, no. Give yourself a moment. You haven’t had a chance to really process this yet, have you?” she asked softly.

Jimmy chuckled grimly. “If I were him, I’d be trying to stay strong for _our_ daughter’s sake. I _know_ he hasn’t taken a moment to himself.”

Cas shook his head. “I don’t _have_ a moment. What I _need_ is to get to France, and my flight leaves in less than 2 hours. It’s the last flight out tonight, or I’ll have to wait till tomorrow morning before I can leave. I need to talk to her first.”

“Just breathe, Cas, please,” Jimmy begged, drawing Cas into his arms.

Cas felt the need to crumple rush through him, but he needed to stay strong. If he broke down now… he wasn’t sure he could get back up again and make it through all of this.

There’d be time later.

He gulped and pushed away, feeling a little calmer, at least, for having his brother’s comfort – even if he couldn’t allow himself to partake in it just yet.

“Thank you, Jimmy. I’d like to talk to my daughter now, though.”

With sad, understanding smiles, Jimmy and Amelia nodded. Amelia stood and murmured something to her husband that Cas couldn’t catch, but she headed in the direction the girls had gone so he assumed she went to get his daughter.

A few moments later, Lia and Cas were left alone in the living room, Lia looking at him in concern. The way he felt right now, he was sure her young, still developing nose, was being assaulted by all sorts of depressing and confusing scents.

He reached out for her.

“Lia, I have some bad news. I know you’re a smart girl, so you probably suspected something was wrong and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away.” Cas swallowed. How did you break news like this to a child? “The reason we had to cut our little vacation short was because someone very close to us died. You remember we talked about what death means, right?”

She nodded, her eyes wide and scared and his heart ached. He never wanted to see his child look like that again. “When Snowball died, I remember,” she whispered. “It means they’re gone and never coming back.”

“That’s right,” Cas agreed with choked words. He cleared his throat, opened his mouth, then closed it again. If he said it, it made it real. But he had to say it, he had to tell her…

“Papa,” she crawled into his lap and buried her face in his shirt, angling her head to stare up at him with one eye. “Papa, who died?”

“It was… it was your father, Balthazar. There was… there was an accident. I don’t know what happened yet. I have to go to France to… to…” Cas’s voice broke and he stopped. He wrapped his arms around her tightly. “I have to go and bring him home, so we can say goodbye.”

He heard a sniffle, then another, as Lia quietly cried into his shirt.

Cas just held on, unable to let his own tears fall just yet.

* * *

 

Everything after leaving his brother’s house was a blur. About the only thing he could remember was how nothing had gone the way he wanted it.

He had attempted to keep Balthy’s funeral a small, private affair, but Balthazar had always lived too big for that. When Cas realized there was no getting out of it, he’d instead fought to find a way to at least have a private moment for just the family, giving Lia and himself some closure before the vultures descended. He barely managed it, but at least he’d been able to give her that.

Balthazar’s family had, thankfully, all flown off again after token appearances of grieving. Balthazar’s parents were long gone, so it was just the cousins, a couple of uncles and an aunt who’d made an appearance.

Though there was no reason to, Cas couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief when they all disappeared without any of them challenging Castiel’s right to anything of Balthazar’s – most especially his daughter.

But then… _they_ didn’t know Lia wasn’t biologically his.

Not like his own family. Who were, at this moment, driving Cas crazy.

After the funeral, they had all converged upon the house, under the pretence of being there for moral support, not allowing Cas and Lia a moment to simply stop and process.

Some of his relatives strolled about the house, fingering different things and obviously calculating their worth. Annoying as it was, Cas ignored it. After all, his family had no claim to anything in the house and he didn’t think any of them would do anything so blatantly disrespectful as to _steal_ from him.

Maybe.

Jimmy, however, was a godsend, running interference with their mother. Of course, this didn’t stop Cas from being inundated with condolences from extended family he’d rather not see, but the last thing he needed was his mother's misguided attempts to defend him from comments that were just on this side of insulting while clinging to the veneer of being civil.

And those were the ones said to his face. The ones he overheard… god, but he hoped Lia didn’t hear any of them! Cas certainly didn’t want to hear anything like what he was hearing his Uncle Zach say to his son.

“Well, at least as a widow, he’s set for life,” Uncle Zach said.

“Indeed. He got damn lucky – luckier than any infertile Omega has a right to be,” Metatron agreed.

Cas’s hands clenched into fists and he ground his teeth. He stalked away, looking around the clumps of family that had gathered to make sure his daughter wasn’t anywhere in the vicinity. When he saw that she was sitting and talking with Claire, he relaxed.

Jimmy would never spout that type of thing around his own daughter, so Claire wouldn’t repeat any of it to Lia.

He wanted to say something to his uncle and cousin… but what could he say? Broken as he was, most anything he said was disregarded by his family. And it wasn’t as if they were completely wrong. After all, what good was an Omega who couldn’t have any children?

Cas had been lucky as hell to have Balthazar. Not for the money. It had never been about the money, even if most of Castiel’s family believed he’d married for that. At least his mother, brother, and his brother’s family thought his marriage had been for love, which was better.

Even though neither were true.

Balthazar had never been more than a husband in name only. The only times they’d been intimate was the few times when Balthazar would help Cas through a difficult Heat, when suppressants and toys hadn’t been enough. Cas hadn’t been able to trust anyone else and Balthy had been his best friend. It had always felt awkward between them in the weeks afterwards, though.

Lia had been the sole reason for them to marry, and it was a decision he would never regret.

“Castiel, darling, how are you holding up?” His mother grabbed hold of Cas and didn’t let go. Her eyes were filled with sympathy.

“As well as can be,” he answered stiffly. Oh god… here it comes…

“It’s just too bad that the only person you’ve been able to find who could ignore your… issues… is gone. I’m so sorry, baby.” With a force of will and strength he couldn’t understand, his mother steered him across the room to a couch and settled them on it.

Cas shifted uncomfortably. What did he say to that? “I um… I’m sure I’ll be all right, in time.”

“Oh, but you’ll be so lonely now.” She sniffled. “I so hate to think of one of my precious babies, dying all alone and unloved.”

“I have Lia,” Cas protested weakly.

“It’s not the same thing as a mate, Castiel,” his mother sniffled again. She let go of him to grab a handkerchief from her purse and wipe at her eyes. “And we both know you won’t be so lucky to find such a good, loving man as Balthazar again. Not when you are… _you know_.”

“Mother!” Jimmy appeared at their side. “Is now really an appropriate time to mention things like this? Cassie is grieving and you’re only making it worse.”

“I’m only looking out for my son!” she exclaimed loudly. The room all started to turn and stare, listening.

Cas had almost melted in relief when Jimmy spoke, hoping to quietly slip away. Of course, now that was next to impossible with the commotion their mother was causing and he groaned internally.

A small hand crept into Cas’s and he looked down to see Lia’s confused and concerned face. “Papa? What’s going on?”

“Nothing, poppet. Grandma Naomi is just being overdramatic again,” he whispered into her ear as he dragged her up into his lap for a reassuring hug. If it was as much for him as for her, nobody else had to know.

* * *

 

Most of the family left by the end of the day, but his mother did not. Cas wanted to bang his head on the wall at her cluelessness.

Thankfully, Jimmy had taken one look at Cas’s face and declared that he, too, would be staying. He was currently saying goodbye to Amelia and Claire in the foyer. Cas felt selfish for keeping his brother away from his family but Jimmy would hear none of it.

“You didn’t ask, Cassie, I offered. You can’t feel guilty about that,” Jimmy said after the door shut behind his wife and daughter.

“I can if I want to,” Cas said with a small smile.

Jimmy laughed. “Fine, if that’s what makes you feel better.”

Cas sighed. “Not having mother here would make me feel better. I know she means well but…”

“I know. That’s why I’m here, Cas,” Jimmy nodded. “I’ll do what I can until she finally leaves.”

“She’ll want to ‘help’ me go through his things, Jimmy,” Cas complained.

“Afraid she’ll find the kinky shit?” Jimmy smirked.

Cas narrowed his eyes at him. “If there’s any kinky shit, it’s all his.”

Jimmy gave him a strange look at the comment.

Cas sighed and rubbed a hand down his face. “I don’t want her touching his things –“ _I don’t want her realizing we didn’t even sleep in the same bedroom… I don’t need her going on even more about how broken I am._

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of mom, okay?” Jimmy placed his hand on Cas’s shoulder. “Whatever you need, I’ll do.”

“Thank you, Jimmy,” Cas said gratefully.

“No problem,” Jimmy said softly.

 

* * *

  **Dean POV**

It was pouring rain when Dean got to Sam’s place and he hadn’t been able to find his umbrella. He knocked on the door again and shivered as rain hit the back of his neck and ran under his collar.

“Dammit, Sammy, open the door!” Dean shouted. “It’s a little wet out here, if you haven’t noticed.”

He raised his fist to knock again and had to draw back when the door swung open. His brother stood there with wet hair, holding a towel up around his waist.

“Sorry man, didn’t know you’d be here already.” He backed away from the door and Dean charged inside with another shiver, dropping his wet duffle bag in the entryway.

“I’d hug you, but uh,” Dean looked up and down with a raised brow. “I’ll wait till you have some clothes on.”

“Appreciate it,” Sam said, rolling his eyes. He gestured at the apartment. “Just make yourself at home. I’ll be out in a minute.”

Dean nodded, stripping off his jacket and hanging it on the rack, toeing out of his boots. Snapping up his duffel, he headed for Sam’s guest room to change out of his wet clothes. He couldn’t believe how soaked he’d gotten in his jog up from the car to the door and the relatively short wait for Sam.

It had just seemed exceptionally long due to how anxious Dean had been to get inside and out of the rain.

Sam’s apartment was the bottom half of a house, with his door in the back and a fenced in yard, perfect for the dog Sam hadn’t gotten yet, but likely would now that he had space for it. It wasn’t Dean’s first time at Sam’s place, but he liked it.

He snorted. _Yeah, well, I’ll probably be staying here a while, won’t I? Guess I better like it_.

Feeling marginally better in dry clothes, Dean went back out to the main rooms of the apartment and headed straight for the kitchen. He’d beaten Sam back out, he noted, and beelined for the fridge. He opened the door and stared at all the rabbit food with a glum look before snagging a beer.

“Dude, seriously?” Sam said from behind him, causing Dean to jump.

“What?” Dean turned, popping the top off the beer. He took a swig and ignored Sam’s judgmental face.

“Okay, what’s going on?”

“Why do you think _anything’s_ going on?” Dean bit back defensively.

“You reek, man. You called me up out of the blue to say you’re crashing when I know you were just heading home from a con. You went straight for the beer and you smell pissed,” Sam pointed out.

“You would be too, if you found your mate fucking someone else,” Dean muttered, taking another swig. “I can’t believe that asshole. Both of them! They’re _both_ assholes!”

Sam blinked. “Wait, what? Michael cheated on you?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, and you’ll never guess with who.”

“Someone you know?!” Sam asked in disbelief.

“Uh huh,” Dean nodded.

“I can’t even imagine who –“

“Samuel,” Dean supplied.

Sam’s eyes bugged. “As in our - ?”

“Dear old gramps?” Dean finished for him and knocked back the rest of his beer. “Yup. That’d be the one. How fucked up is that?”

Sam’s mouth opened and shut a few times before he shook his head, opened the fridge and grabbed two more beers. He handed Dean a fresh one, then popped the top off his own and took a long swallow.  Dean smirked, vindicated that this situation did, indeed, require alcohol.

A few hours later had them both sitting on the couch surrounded by two empty pizza boxes and a plethora of empty beer bottles. Sam was well on his way to drunk and Dean snickered.

“So, what now?”

“I dunno man. Can I stay here while I file for a divorce?” Dean groaned, slumping down on the couch and stretching his legs to rest on the stained coffee table.

“You sure you want to stay here, not Bobby’s?” Sam’s voice slurred and his eyes were drooping.

Dean snorted. Lightweight. “Nah, I don’t wanna burden Bobby with my shit.”

“But you’ll burden me?” Sam quirked an eyebrow.

“You’re family,” Dean said.

“So’s Bobby.”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

“I dunno…” Dean finished lamely. Now he felt guilty. Sam was right, Bobby _was_ family. He’d raised them after Dad… kept them from going into the system, kept them together. Dean and Sam owed Bobby a lot. “I guess it just… it feels too much like giving up if I run back home with my tail between my legs.”

“He wouldn’t judge you, Dean,” Sam said earnestly. He drooped on the couch, his half empty beer bottle tilting sideways. “It’s Michael’s fault everything went sideways.”

“Is it?” Dean asked quietly, worrying at his lip. “Maybe I’m a bad Alpha. What if I didn’t love him enough?”

“Nuh uh - you’re _not_ a bad person Dean - Alpha or otherwise. And this is on him. He didn’t have to cheat on you. ‘S not your… not your fault…”

Dean craned his neck over at his brother when Sam’s voice trailed off. His head had fallen to the side, nestled into the crook of his elbow and his beer bottle was in danger of falling completely.

With a chuckle at the picture his overgrown brother made, all squashed up on one side of the couch, Dean stood and rescued the beer and set it on the table. He grabbed the afghan off the back of the couch and draped it over his brother, then stood up straight and stretched. His back cracked and popped.

He might be getting too old for all these long drives in his Baby, but it wasn’t like he was going to be settling down anytime soon. Not now.

 


	4. Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, the only way to move past things is to literally get up and move...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the chapter for the implied past physical abuse tag. Previous boyfriends attempted but did not succeed because our Cas is a smart cookie and gets outta there

**CAS POV**

After that, life… moved on.

It felt like a betrayal, but after Balthazar’s death, Cas had found that life just moved on.

And sometimes quite literally... Which was how Cas found himself packing his and Lia’s life away into boxes, readying for a move almost 7 months later. 

Jimmy taped up a box and looked over at Cas. “Are you sure about this?”

“Of course, I’m sure. Lia and I need a fresh start. We can’t stay here where everything comes up ‘Balthazar’, where people who knew him keep coming and making our lives miserable. She had people following her to school, Jimmy! She’s just a child!”

“No, I get that, that’s not what I mean. I mean, you could still come back to Pontiac with me. It’d be nice to have you close again.”

Cas shook his head. “No, I need someplace smaller, more out of the way.”

Jimmy sighed. “Okay, yeah, but… New Hampshire?” he asked incredulously.

“It seems like the perfect fit and certainly nowhere anyone would expect to find me,” Cas pointed out.

He didn’t bother telling his brother that the choice had been truly random. He’d turned it into a game with Lia;  they’d taken turns closing their eyes, blindly pointing at places on a map, and researching that place to see if they’d like it. It had helped her feel more in control of her now rapidly changing world. She could have a say in  _ where _ they moved, though not the fact that they were at all.

Cas looked about the room to see if there was anything else he could fit into this box before he closed it.

“I’m gonna miss you.”

Castiel raised an eyebrow in amusement. “Jimmy, I’ll be just as far away now as I was before; don’t be so dramatic.”

“Fine.”  Jimmy pouted, but there was laughter and fondness in his scent, with maybe a dash of worry.

Cas put his hand on his brother's shoulder. “We’ll be fine, Jimmy. You, Amelia, and Claire have a standing invitation to visit, always. You  _ know _ that, right?”

“Of course I do, but I’m your big brother. I’m always going to worry about you. In fact, it’s like, my job.”

“Older by five minutes.” Cas rolled his eyes fondly.

“And those five minutes make all the difference in the world. Oh! Hey, what’s this?” Jimmy picked up a plain, unmarked manila envelope that had been buried beneath a pile of junk papers on the hall table.

Cas shrugged. “Probably more junk. Just toss it.”

“Where’s your sense of curiosity?” Jimmy chided, opening the flap as he talked.

“I have curiosity,” Cas protested.

“Apparently not enough.”  Jimmy whistled. “Whoa, Cas, these are  _ not _ junk!”

Cas tilted his head at Jimmy and came around to look at what his brother was holding and felt his breath leave him in a rush.

“Oh… I forgot about those,” Cas said quietly. “This is… this was just after I found out…”

“About Balthazar?” Jimmy asked softly.

Cas nodded. “That’s Charlie Bradbury, who we’d gone to see. Lia wants to be her when she grows up.” Cas chuckled sadly at the bittersweet memory.

“Oh yeah, I think I’ve heard of her… a time or two or ten.” Jimmy smiled indulgently. He flipped to the last picture in the batch. “Who’s that?”

“Dean. He was the photographer. He and Charlie, they were very nice. They helped me, and Lia got her pictures anyway even though we’d missed our opportunity because of me. In fact, there’s more here than what I paid for.”

Jimmy whistled again. “You should send them a fruit basket or something.”

Castiel shook his head again, though he couldn’t take his eyes off the pictures. His favorite was the last one, the one with Dean in it. There was something about it Cas couldn’t put his finger on. But he remembered both their kindness and concern. He wished heartily he had a way to thank them.

He set the pictures down. “You’re right. It wasn’t junk. I’ll put these safely away with my notes. C’mon, there’s a lot of packing left to do.”

“Yo, Clarence! What do you want me to do with these?” A shout from further inside the house had Cas shaking his head a Jimmy chuckling.

“I’m surprised you aren’t taking Meg with us on this journey to your new home.” Jimmy grinned.

Cas rolled his eyes. “Meg is an invaluable friend and agent, but have you ever been subjected to her for more than a few hours at a time? I’m pretty sure I’d have to save one or both of you from murdering the other.”

“True.” Jimmy shrugged. “But she’s been there for you, and I’ll put up with anything or anyone for that alone.”

Pausing, Cas raised an eyebrow at his brother. “Are you being sappy again?”

Jimmy huffed indignantly, puffing out his chest. “Of course not! Alpha’s aren’t sappy.”

Meg appeared in the doorway with a smirk. “C’mon, Jim-Jam, you’re about the sappiest person I’ve ever met. You give a bad name to all the Alpha’s out there.”

Cas sighed and left the room before his brother could rise to the bait, glad yet again that he had turned down Meg’s offer to accompany them on the road trip. He didn’t think he could take the constant bickering that would inevitably ensue.

Ignoring them, Cas carried a box out to the moving truck. They were almost done packing into the moving truck what he wanted to keep. Except for some personal things of Balthazar's, Cas planned to sell or toss everything else. 

With the final box secured in the truck, Cas pulled out his phone to check on Lia. She was staying with Amelia and  Claire while Cas and Jimmy got them moved. She’d wanted to help, because of course she did, she was a good kid.

Cas had gotten so extremely lucky to have her as a daughter and he treasured her every damn moment.

 

* * *

 

Despite his brother’s protestations that he and Lia should fly out to New Hampshire while a moving company shipped their stuff, Cas had refused.  He wanted as few paper trails between their old home and their new one as possible. As it was, the paperwork for the new home was under his writing pseudonym, in further hopes it would not be traced back to ‘Castiel Novak’, widowed husband of Balthazar.

The drive was long, but he and Jimmy switched off every two hours or so and that made it more bearable.

It was mostly easy-going until about halfway through when Cas caught Jimmy looking at him out of the corner of his eye and turned to face him. “What?”

“I’m worried.”

“About?”

“You moving to the middle of Bumfuck, Nowhere. Population 200.  You won’t know  _ anyone _ .”

“I have Lia.” It’s not what Jimmy meant, Cas knew, but he didn’t want to admit it. Not at all.

“It’s not the same thing,” Jimmy replied.  “What about socializing with people your own age?  Friends? Maybe someday someone more than a friend…” Jimmy’s gaze flickered away from the road and back again.

“Jimmy!” The insinuation caught Cas by surprise and he blinked at his brother with a gaping expression.  Since Jimmy believed Balthazar to be the love of his life, he thought he’d have a bit more time before his brother’s desire to see him happily mated reappeared. Cas swallowed and closed his mouth.

“I’m sorry, Cas.  I know you’re still grieving, it’s just…I just want you to be happy.”

Cas sighed. “Meg did convince me to sign up for a dating app to ‘ _ ease me back into things’ _ .”

If Cas had thought that would placate his brother, he was wrong.

Jimmy brightened up and flashed a grin at Cas, his scent growing hopeful and happy. “How’s that going?”

“Horrible.”

Cas sighed again, resigned. It looked like they were talking about this after all; Jimmy always got his way. He was frustrating, if well meaning.

“The only Alphas who’ve shown any interest back away quickly when they discover I’m infertile.”

“Well, why the hell are you telling them?” Jimmy demanded.

“You want me to lie?” Cas turned to face his brother squarely and watched Jimmy squirm.

“Not lie. Just, don’t mention it right away?”

“Oh yes. Of course.” Cas rolled his eyes. He didn’t even attempt to keep the bitterness out of his tone or his scent. “And pray tell, Jimmy, how long do I wait before I bring it up? Second date? A month? Six-month anniversary? Do you  _ not _ remember the shit show my life was before Balthazar? At least one of the men I dated felt deceived that I didn’t bring it up right away. Do you remember how he reacted?”

Cas didn’t wait for Jimmy’s reply; he didn’t need to remind his brother that the Alpha had thought the best way to react was with his fists. Cas hadn’t stood for it and walked out, his heart breaking at the same time that a man he thought he knew and trusted would treat him that way.

He also didn’t mention what he’d hidden from Jimmy: it hadn’t just been  _ one  _ Alpha. Several of his boyfriends had turned violent upon learning about Cas’s infertility. Jimmy only knew about one because he’d gotten in a lucky punch, and there was no hiding the evidence of it.

“Or what about me? What about my heart? I don’t think I could take it again if I fell in love, got so invested with someone that I could imagine spending the rest of my life with them – only to have them walk out on me when I finally admitted my infertility.”

The air in the truck was thick now with the scent of misery and despair. Cas fumbled at the window to crack it open.

“I’m sorry, Cas,” Jimmy said softly.

Soft pattering touched the windows as a drizzle started up. Cas felt it oddly fitting.

“But you found Balthazar. You found happily ever after once, why not again?”

Cas’s stomach sank. He’d never been able to admit to his family how much of a marriage of convenience his mating with Balthazar had really been. He didn’t regret it--never had and never will--but it felt like admitting it would just underscore how broken he really was. All Jimmy wanted was to see Cas happy. Cas could let his brother have the illusion that it was possible. What did it hurt?

The rain started falling heavier now and a bleak mood seemed to fall over the trip. This was not how he wanted to start his new life.

Thankfully, Jimmy dropped the subject, and after some silence and a pit stop at a roadside diner – where a waitress tried and failed to flirt with either of them – the atmosphere had cleared enough to return to the lighthearted, brotherly bonding sort of trip Castiel had hoped to have.

He didn’t spend nearly enough time with Jimmy as he could have wished. Of course, he could have changed that and moved closer but… it just hadn’t felt right.

He felt guilty about that. Cas loved his brother and his brother’s family, but being close to Jimmy meant being close to the  _ rest  _ of the family, and  _ that  _ he couldn't take.

Thankfully, Jimmy may wish it were otherwise, but he accepted it. 

The drive continued on happier terms. Cas tried pointing out the brilliant colors bursting around them as a bonus and Jimmy laughed heartily, telling Cas that he had an artists soul.

“You don’t need to be an artist to appreciate beauty,” Cas said with fond exasperation. Jimmy only laughed harder.

Of course, driving deeper into the mountains had its challenges. The GPS cut out somewhere up on 89 but Cas had planned ahead and downloaded his directions and maps. Jimmy peered through the windshield up at the canopy of trees that had covered them ever since they’d hopped off the highway over 30 minutes ago.

“Jesus, Cassie, you really  _ did  _ pick the middle of Bumfuck, Nowhere.”

“I told you, I want privacy. I want Lia to grow up without being hounded.” Cas’s fingers tightened on the steering wheel of the moving truck. The one regret he had was driving this huge thing on these windy, hilly back roads.

“Well, at least it’s pretty, but man, the winter's must be hell up here in the mountains. Promise me you guys will be careful?” Jimmy turned to face Cas.

“Of course, when aren’t I?”

“I won’t dignify that with a response,” Jimmy said loftily.

Cas laughed. “That’s because you can’t think of anything to prove me wrong.”

Jimmy snorted, trying to hold back his laughter as Cas grinned right back at him.

Cas turned into a dirt drive and pulled up to a garage and stopped, turning off the engine. They stared out at the decent sized, dark brown, 2 story house, Cas with a sense of pride – because this was  _ his  _ house. His and Lia’s. When he’d married Balthazar, he’d moved into his friend’s place and it had never quite felt like his, no matter how long he’d lived there, or what touches he’d added.

“Well?” he asked his brother.

“I’ll reserve judgment till I get a look at the inside but… so far, so good. And plenty of yard for Lia to play in,” Jimmy conceded.

Nodding, Cas opened the door and hopped out, turning back to look at his brother. “I felt that was important.”

* * *

 

It took them the rest of that day to unload the truck with just the two of them.

“Remind me never to help you move again, Cassie,” Jimmy groaned after flopping down on the couch they’d finally maneuvered into the living room.

“No problem, Jimmy. I don’t plan on needing to move ever again.” Cas dropped heavily onto the couch beside his brother. “But that was it. Other than opening boxes and organizing it all, everything is done.”

“Thank god,” Jimmy said melodramatically. “Is Lia ready to come out here?”

“I believe so, yes. At least, she seemed excited about it – if for no other reason than the possibility of snow.”  

Cas smiled as he remembered his daughter's excitement at the prospect of snowball fights and sledding, of building snowmen and snow forts and going ice skating. He had to admit, he was looking forward to it as well.

This would be good for them, he was sure of it.

* * *

 

**DEAN POV**

Dean slapped a slip of paper down on Sam’s desk. “Freakin’ finally! It’s official!”  He dropped onto the chair across from his brother, who reached for the paper and lifted it to his eyes.

“Oh, your divorce papers. Took him long enough. I don’t know why Michael even tried to fight you on this. It was pretty cut and dry,” Sam agreed.

Dean let out a breath of relief, even though he’d already known his brother was on his side, it still felt good to hear his decision to pursue an untraditional divorce and the subsequent breaking of a mating bond validated. While marriage and mating were two different things, he and Michael had done both: A wedding that celebrated their union with their loved ones, making what they’d already done in private official in the eyes of the government.

Some had called Dean and Michael fools for allowing the mating to happen so quickly. Most people these days tended to wait, making certain that their spouse was  _ the  _ one before committing to that final step because willingly breaking a mating bond was frowned upon, even though it seemed to happen more often these days.

Dean still blamed the media for giving folks grand expectations that couldn’t be lived up to.

Though in light of what happened, maybe  _ he _ was the one wrong?

“I still don’t get what happened to us, Sam. I thought we were happy. I was going to talk to Michael about finally starting a family and then… with our  _ grandfather?  _ I mean, what the fuck?!”

Sam shook his head. “I wasn’t aware he even knew your husband. It’s not like he showed up at the wedding or had any contact with us since Mom died.”

“I don’t get it, man. What kind of a person do you gotta be to take things out on your grandkids just because he was pissed off at Dad?” Dean furrowed his brow.

It wasn’t the first time he’d asked this question. He’d wondered about it often himself.  He and Sam had spent some of their childhood coming up with all sorts of theories. Dean had even asked Dad, once. Just once.  He’d never seen his father quite so angry and it had scared Dean enough that he’d never wanted to see it again.

“I don’t know, Dean. You know I don’t get it either. I’ve always hoped, y’know, that Grandpa Samuel would reach out to us, especially now that Dad’s gone too.” Sam sighed. “It’s obvious now that’s never going to happen. Not when he went out of his way to do this to you.”

They sat in silence for a moment.

“I just, Samuel aside –“ Dean hesitated to call Samuel Campbell his grandfather since that day – “I still can’t believe  _ Michael  _ would do that to me.”

Sam spoke slowly. “Dean, man, I hate to say it but… most of us knew you guys didn’t really love each other, not like that. I mean, sure, you had something together once, but then it just… faded. You were more like friends than husbands, and even then, you were drifting apart as friends. Your values and wants have changed since you guys met. Not that that’s a bad thing but… I dunno, it just always seemed to me that the two of you only stayed together out of loyalty, until Michael destroyed even that.”

Dean went to protest and Sam held up his hand.

“No, listen for a sec, okay? It’s just that, after what he did, after you got past the initial shock of it, you weren’t exactly upset, Dean. You were –  _ are _ – understandably pissed that he cheated on you – and with  _ Samuel  _ of all people! – but, face it, you were more relieved than anything. Like, you knew in your heart, even if you hadn’t admitted it to yourself, that whatever the two of you had was already over and you were already ready to move on. And honestly? I can’t see that as a bad thing. Means it hurt less than it could have when he betrayed you.”

Dean looked at his brother thoughtfully. He wanted to object but his little brother had always been a little too insightful for Dean’s own good. (Or maybe that  _ was _ a good thing. Whatever). It was what made Sam so good at his job working with kids in the system.

Maybe Sam was right. What Michael and Dean once had was… comfortable. Routine. Familiar. And maybe it had worked as long as it had only for the simple fact that Dean had been gone so often for his job.

Well, okay then. Sam  _ was  _ right, but that didn’t mean Dean had to admit it. In fact, it’d probably bug the shit out of his brother if he didn’t, and if he didn’t at least try to bug Sam, then he wasn’t deserving of the title of older brother.

Sam gave him a look and Dean was pretty sure that meant Sam already knew what he was thinking. Shit, the moose probably smelled it on him. There were times when Dean certainly cursed his younger brothers overly sensitive nose. This would be one of those times.

Dean wriggled in his seat uneasily as Sam just lifted his eyebrows then sighed.

“So, now that it’s official, does that mean I won’t have you mooching off of me anymore?”

Dean spluttered. “What? Dude, I’m not even  _ here  _ half the time. You can’t tell me I’m cramping your style.”

“It’s just… it’s been almost a year, Dean. I get that you were feeling transient while everything with Michael was up in the air but now... I was just wondering if you had any plans? Not even anything grand, y’know, but, just moving forward?”

Dean let out an annoyed huff, but tried to reign in his initial knee jerk reaction when he saw and smelled Sam’s concern. He rubbed his hand through his hair and shook his head slightly. He shrugged. “I mean… not really? I was going to try and settle down, before this. Like, open a proper studio, do less traveling and shit but now I’m not really feeling it.”

Sam nodded understandingly. “Okay, I can get that for the long term. You need some time to think about it, let it all process, I guess. But what does that mean for the short term? You just gonna drive around in the Impala and use it as a portable studio and my place as a base of operations? For how long, Dean?”

“I don’t  _ know  _ Sam!” Dean snapped.

“What about dating? Moving on? You never really gave anyone else a shot. It was always just you and Michael. Do you ever think of what you might have missed by doing that?” Sam prodded.

“Dude, with who? Do I look like I’ve spent enough time around here to get to know your neighbors? Hell, I didn’t even know my  _ own  _ neighbors,” Dean said petulantly.

Sam shrugged. “I don’t know. What about the people you work with on the con circuit?”

Unbidden, an image rose in his head of dark, messy hair, and eyes of deep blue pools. Dean remembered the obvious love he’d seen there, echoed by the grief it had engendered. He also remembered yearning for that kind of devotion and wishing for a child half as adorable as Lia.

He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the thoughts. It’d been almost a year and Dean still couldn’t get the man out of his head. He’d met the dude once.  _ Once _ . While he was grieving his husband. 

Yet, somehow, while everything with Michael going to shit, Dean had found his thoughts returning to the Omega – to Castiel – and the poor man’s daughter. He couldn’t help but wonder what Castiel’s natural scent was when it wasn’t covered by blockers - or grief. He wondered if Lia was always so adorable. He wondered what it would be like if  _ they  _ were Dean’s family. If Castiel would have done what Michael had done.

And wondering if what had happened with Michael had been Dean’s fault.

Dean shook his head.

“Look, I can’t think about this right now. I’ve actually got a multi project contract out in New Hampshire starting this weekend, and I’m gonna be there a while. Part of some publishing gig for an author and I gotta get ready. Gonna be a long ass drive.” Dean shoved up out of his seat and turned.

Sam called out after him, “Look, Dean. I’m sorry. It takes as long as it takes. I get that. Just… don’t let yourself get so caught up in things that you forget to think about it. Don’t wrap yourself so much in your work that you miss life, miss your opportunities. Okay?”

“Yeah, okay, whatever, Sam,” Dean said without turning. He made a little wave and resumed walking away.

He hadn’t been lying. Though most of what he would need was already packed, he wanted to check over his equipment, make sure it was all still in working order, everything was charged, and his memory cards cleared and dropped onto the laptop  _ and  _ the backup drives (and the cloud. He’d learned the hard way to make sure he had duplicates of  _ everything _ . The kind of work he did, capturing a moment, meant that if anything was ever lost, it was  _ lost _ . There would be no duplicating that candid capture at a wedding, or whatever other special event he was at).

Plus, he had to do laundry.

It really didn't take as long as he’d pretended it would to get ready. He didn’t even have that much laundry, but he needed something to take him away from Sam’s sympathetic gaze and cloying scent.

He turned in early, grateful that Sam had given him a spare bedroom to crash in, cause otherwise, there would’ve been no avoiding his brother if he’d been stuck on a pull-out couch. Bringing his laptop to bed with him, Dean fell asleep while watching Dr. Sexy.

* * *

 

His phone went off earlier in the morning than he liked, but he was antsy to get going. Still, he took his time waking up. A long, leisurely shower followed by a piping hot mug of coffee and the last of the microwave breakfast burritos so Sam wouldn’t complain about the junk Dean left behind. 

Sam was already gone for work, but he’d left a note for Dean on the fridge:

_ “Good luck, safe drive, and call me when you get in - Sam” _

Dean smiled and tucked the note into his wallet and grabbed his stuff, packing the last of it into the Impala and getting on the road. It felt good driving down the highway. He’d left early enough that he had time to take the drive out to New Hampshire at a leisurely pace. He had no other jobs between then and now, and so he didn’t need to push himself to get there as fast as possible. What should have been a 20 hour drive – give or take an hour - was turned into two and a half days and he found that was okay.

Driving north through New Hampshire in the fall was beautiful. More than once, while hopping from back road routes to bigger highways and back again, he found himself stopping. His breath taken away, he just had to climb out of the car and take in the gorgeous views and colors - with his camera, of course. As long as he found someplace safe to do so, anyway. He sure didn’t want to risk his life or his Baby.

At one or two of the mountain rest stops on 93 - and later on 89 - he’d had an audience. A few of the locals had snickered and called him a leaf–peeper--whatever that was. The sound had been derisive so he’d ignored them.

Not like he cared what some local hicks thought about him.  _ This  _ was _ art _ . He wasn’t even sure what he was going to do with these photos just yet, but he had to have them. There was just something indefinable that he needed to capture.

The drive, of course, offered him way too much time to think. Or not enough. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and reflected on Sam’s parting words. 

Dean really  _ didn’t  _ know what to do with himself anymore. He had no idea how to put himself out there. It had been made obvious at cons that if he’d wanted a one night stand, he could have it in less time than it took to snap his fingers. 

But that’s not what he wanted. He  _ wanted _ a family. Something he and Sam had never really had. Hell, it was the thing he and Michael had initially bonded over when they met in school, and Dean had no idea how to start fresh with someone else. He and Michael had fallen in step together, into something comfortable, and he’d never looked back, just as Sam had said.

Settling down.

He couldn’t meet  _ anyone _ if he was always traveling, right? At least, as much as he’d been traveling these past 12 or so years. It was time to change gears and find other ways to make his business work, like he’d been thinking of doing before.

This was what he needed - a fresh start.

He smiled, suddenly eager to get to his destination. He glanced at his roadmap and smiled brighter. He was almost there. 

Of course, the downside of this gig Dean was traveling to, was that the author he was supposed to be working with lived in the middle of nowhere, on the outskirts of a town so small that it didn’t even have a stoplight, much less a place to stay, but for whatever reason, the author had refused to leave his home for this. Which had made arrangements for Dean a little hard to come by and difficult to negotiate.

In the end, it had been agreed that Dean would stay with the man – Jacob Milton. It was highly unusual, but Dean’s background had spoken for itself and he’d been vetted by his many previous contracts. After signing non-disclosure agreements about the privacy of the man he’d be living with short term, Dean was sent on his way with an address and an advance.

Now here he was, pulling into the dirt drive of a lovely, picture perfect, two story house where a child was running around and bouncing into large piles of leaves as the man raking those leaves laughed. Dean felt his heart clench at the sweet moment. It was something he’d lost his chance for with Michael. Bracing himself, he pushed open the door and stepped out of the car.

 


	5. An Unlikely Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Cas and Dean reunite unexpectedly. What were the odds of _this_ happening?

**CAS POV**

“Thank you for watching her, Mrs. Bea,” Castiel said.  Lia finished zipping up her jacket and took Cas’s hand, waving enthusiastically at her friend.

“It’s not a problem, Mr. Novak,” his neighbor said, smiling. “Anytime, you’ve got my number.”

“Of course. Let’s go, Lia. I’ve got a surprise for you.”

Her face beamed as they slipped out the front door and to the little path they’d forged between the two houses. Cas held his hand out, waiting for her to hold it.

Lia pouted. “Don’t you trust me to walk without having to hold my hand?”

“Of course, I do. But one day you won’t want to hold my hand anymore, so I’m taking advantage of it while I can,” he answered.

“That’ll  _ never  _ happen, Papa!” she gasped.

“Maybe not, but I’m not taking any chances,” he smiled down at her. “Now, don’t forget, today we have a guest arriving who’s going to stay with us a while.”

“The photographer? I didn’t forget. Will it be Dean?”

Castiel laughed. “I don’t think so, poppet.”

It was a little unorthodox, but his publisher had hired a photographer – from Impala Studios – to collaborate on a few projects with Cas for his new book series. Thanks to his middle of nowhere situation – which was working out quite well for him and Lia – this would require Cas host the photographer as well.  He was excited for the endeavor, even if  he had trepidations. A strange person living in his household for a month? What if it was an Alpha? What if he or she was intolerable? This person would be around his daughter, too.

But Meg had promised the photographer would be thoroughly vetted, and personally checked out by her to ease his mind.

It did, but only a little.

They reached the door and Cas and Lia stepped inside. Shrugging out of their coats, they hung them up. Lia started bouncing.

“Papa, papa! What’s my surprise?”

Cas laughed at her excitement. “Check your bedroom, see if you can find it.”

She scrambled up the stairs and to her room, Cas following more sedately behind her. He listened to her darting around her room and made it to the doorway just in time to hear her gasp, then squeal.

“It’s my picture! From when I met Charlie!” She threw herself at Cas and he staggered before wrapping her up in his arms. She buried her face into his shirt. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

He steered her to her bed and sat down on it, pulling her into his lap. “Did I frame the right one?”

She turned in his lap and settled down, staring at the picture newly hung on her wall. She nodded with a grin. “Yes, papa!”

“You’re not upset that it has Dean, too? Even though it was Charlie you went to see?” he asked cautiously. There  _ were _ the other photos – he’d turned them into a scrapbook, which she hadn’t yet found – but there had been something about this one that had caught his eye. He couldn’t put a finger on it though.

“No, Papa. I liked Dean. He was funny.” She continued to stare in awe at her picture and Cas relaxed.

“Hey, poppet, that’s only part of the surprise. Look on your dresser, under the picture,” he said softly, nudging her down and in that direction.

She went easily, finding the bright red book and opening the cover. She gasped again, picked the book up and returned to the bed. This time she sat beside him and she opened the book in her lap. He watched her turning the pages with a smile on his face. All the other official photos were in here, and all the ones he’d taken himself on his phone. Ticket stubs were carefully added in as well as little mementos.

As she turned the pages reverently, he found himself staring more intently at the one on the wall with Dean.

God, he wished it were  _ Dean _ that would be his photographer. Somehow, even though he barely knew the man, and even though was pretty sure Dean was an Alpha, Cas felt like things would just work out. Dean had already shown how warm and thoughtful he could be by the way he’d handled things at the con.

And it wouldn’t matter that Cas was broken because Dean was already married. The evidence of that, the ring on his finger, was bright and clear in the photo.

Just as clear as those green eyes and freckles that sometimes haunted his dreams.

Lia’s excitement over her special book lasted through lunch, at which point they both bundled up once more and returned outside. Cas picked up his rake and started pulling leaves together into a pile. Lia helped too – until the pile got big enough to play in. Then, her rake abandoned, she attacked the biggest pile.

He laughed at her antics – jumping and burrowing into the piles, sending up small tornados of leaves in her wake. He was so preoccupied with her that he almost didn’t notice the strange rumbling sound as it turned into his drive.

When it got closer, he blinked and looked up at the gorgeous black muscle car pulling up his dirt driveway – He swallowed as he stared at the car, the light reflecting in such a way that he couldn’t see into the window. This must be his photographer, Cas thought, biting at his lip. He looked away and busied himself with raking, trying to calm his nerves.

Deep breaths, deep breaths –

The car creaked as the door was opened, two booted footfalls impacting the ground before the car creaked again, it’s door slamming shut. Cas laughed lightly as Lia, who was completely ignoring the newcomer, jumped into a rather large pile of leaves he had just finished raking together.

Finally, he turned to face the photographer.

And blinked in stunned astonishment.

Standing in front of him was the very photographer he’d recently been thinking about, had even been wishing for! 

_ God, Dean was good looking _ , Cas realized. Somehow, seeing him in a photo didn’t compare to the real thing, and Cas had been so lost in grief and shock when they’d met to properly take him in. 

But now, here Dean stood and Cas could take in  _ exactly _ how handsome the other man was: brown hair with golden highlights, freckles that dotted his face and made Cas itch to get closer and count them, and those eyes… such a brilliant and vibrant green. How was that even possible?

“Dean?” Cas asked, incredulously. An odd flutter joined the anxious rolling in his stomach, combining strangely. He wasn’t sure how to feel just now. How was it that it was Dean standing before him?

The wind shifted and Cas could smell just how surprised Dean was at this unlikely coincidence.  Dean's green eyes were wide, his mouth gaping open from a sharp inhale and he had frozen midstep. Everything about him radiated the same shock Cas was feeling right now.

“Castiel? Wait,  _ you’re _ Jacob Milton?” Dean stepped closer, laughing a little, though disbelief seemed to tinge the sound. “Wow, small world, huh? Never thought I’d see you guys again.”

Cas tilted his head in confusion. “I find it strange that they didn’t give you my name once you signed the contract?”

“To be honest, they did, but,” Dean shrugged. “Mr. Novak didn’t ring any bells…”

“Ah, yes, of course. We didn’t exactly exchange full pleasantries the last time we met.” Cas flushed pink and looked away, reminded of his behavior that day, how he’d nearly broken down right there in public for all to see.

“Well, not exactly your fault, was it?” 

Cas looked at him sharply, only to find Dean staring at Lia with a fond smile as she was tumbling and rolling in the leaf pile.

“She’s adorable, isn’t she? You sure got lucky with her, Castiel.” Dean’s tone was wistful and sad.

The wind shifted again and the scent it dragged with it nearly made Cas sneeze as it underscored Dean’s words.

“Yes, Lia’s my light, these days, my inspiration,” Cas said softly.

“I have to admit, I’ve never read your books, man… but I think my brother has a few of them for his pups. Thinks fairly highly of them. I bet your daughter is a  _ wonderful _ inspiration,” Dean smiled. “Hey, want me to take a few photos of her playing the leaves? I mean, it’s just too adorable an opportunity to pass up.”

“Oh, no, Dean! I mean, the publishers are only paying you for… and I very much don’t want to put Lia in the public eye! I –“ Cas turned panicked eyes to Dean and Dean held up his hands to forestall him.

“Whoa! Whoa! It’s okay! Don’t worry, we won’t use any pictures you don’t approve of, first off, and second, I really just take pictures of anything that catches my eye, you know. You should see the shots I stopped to take on my way up! And, uh, if some of them happen to be not appropriate to the project… we don’t have to tell the publishers I slipped you a few on the side.” Dean grinned. “Besides, it’s good practice. Child photography is almost as tricky as pet photography--they’re always in motion and highly unpredictable. It’d be good practice for me to expand my skills.”

“Oh, then, well…” Cas raked a hand through his hair, dislodging the little knit hat from his head. “In that case, I suppose it’s all right then.”

“Great!” Dean exclaimed.

He darted back to his car and reached through the window to snag his traveling camera and turned back to look at Cas with a boyish grin. It was infectious and Cas couldn’t help but answer it.

Dean slung the camera around his neck and popped the lens cap off. He took a few shots before fiddling with the settings and took a few more. After about 3 minutes of that, he turned to Cas and showed him the back of the camera. “Take a look – what do you think?”

Cas gasped, reaching for the camera before he pulled his fingers back. Dean hadn’t  _ handed  _ him the camera so he was probably fairly protective of it. But the picture was just so, so… it was so perfect, Cas had nearly forgotten himself.

Instead, he leaned in closer. Cas had taken pictures of Lia playing in the leaves on his phone, but he’d not been able to capture the sheer vibrancy of the colors of the leaves. The details of the picture were fantastic too. He could even see that her hat was knitted! In all of Cas’s photos, the details such as that had been blurred.

“Oh, Dean,” he murmured, staring at the photo. Lia’s face was covered in exuberant joy as she tossed the leaves up in big armfuls, letting them rain down on her. “I don’t think you need to worry about practicing. This is…” Cas swallowed, looking away from the photo reluctantly to give his full attention to Dean.  “This is gorgeous.”

“Thanks man, that’s good to hear.” Dean beamed at him.

Cas’s stomach fluttered. Oh god, no. That was  _ not _ a complication he needed!

Cas turned away abruptly, clearing his throat. “So, um, we should probably get you settled in and then… figure out what we’re doing, right?”

He caught Dean blinking out of the corner of his eye, obviously taken aback by Cas’s sudden change in demeanor. The scent of confusion coming off of him was clear, even as the wind tried to snap it away.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Dean started to say when Lia cut him off with a squeal.

“Dean!” She charged forward, kicking up mini cyclones of leaves – Cas noted with amusement that Dean reflexively snapped a picture before he shifted the camera out of the way for the child barreling into him – and flung her arms around the photographer.

“Hey Lia, nice to see you again!” Dean said cheerfully. He carefully took the camera off his neck and handed it to Cas. Castiel took it with surprise that he was being entrusted with something that was probably very precious to Dean, but then he understood why when Dean reached down to pick Lia up and prop her on a hip to give her a proper hug in return. The scene both melted Cas’s heart and made it ache. It was so domestic, so pure, so unattainable.

Which was when his eyes finally noticed the lack of a wedding ring on Dean’s hand. Cas was certain there’d been a wedding ring on Dean’s finger in that photo.

So what had happened to it?

* * *

 

**DEAN POV**

To say that Dean had been surprised when he realized just  _ whose _ house he’d be staying in would be an understatement. What he’d said to Castiel about never expecting to see him again was quite true. And yet, here he was.

Dean distracted himself with taking a few photos of Lia and adjusting the settings on his camera, while he tried to get himself under control.

He was embarrassed to admit – even to himself – that he was supremely glad to see Castiel. Yet Castiel was obviously still grieving, if the odd, sad and depressed scent coming off of him was any clue, so any idea that Dean might have had about seeing whether or not the two of them could connect was totally inappropriate.

Living in the same house as Castiel for a month was going to be torture. Dean was already having an immensely difficult time dragging his eyes away from the messy hair – it looked like Castiel had dragged his fingers through it a few times – or those gorgeous blue eyes and the scruffy jawline.

Dean had to gulp when he watched a smile light up Castiel’s face as he watched his daughter. The last time he’d seen the man, Castiel had been so torn up with grief and Dean had still gotten lost in his eyes but  _ now _ … seeing his face transformed like this…  _ God, he’s beautiful. _

How the hell was Dean going to survive?

Thankfully, they had Lia as a buffer.

“I suppose a tour would be in order,” Castiel said and waved his hand towards the house.

Dean looked around and nodded. “I wouldn’t mind seeing where I’ll be living for a while.”

As soon as Castiel offered the tour, Lia wiggled to get down. Once Dean lowered her, she immediately grabbed his hand and started dragging him to the house. 

What he could see already was fairly cozy; not too big or fancy. It was certainly nothing like the ostentatious sort of house Dean would have imagined an exhibitionist like Balthazar would ever have lived in. Dean could be wrong about that; the face shown to the media might not be the real person, after all. He’d seen it before: the richer someone was, the deeper the scrutiny and that made for every move being calculated, designed, and executed.

Somehow, he didn’t think that’s what he was seeing here. Castiel had always stayed fairly well out of the limelight, even before Balthazar’s death. Dean had often seen Balthazar on tabloid covers, but he hadn’t even known who Castiel had been till afterwards.

And Dean could completely respect that choice, especially where a young child was concerned.

The front door opened immediately into a tiny hallway with a coat rack and a bench and even a small closet, with an open doorway kitty-corner to the front door to show a small kitchen. The kitchen was neat and clean and had a small table with 3 chairs and – was that a bee theme? Dean held back a smile at how  _ cute  _ that was.

Castiel tapped his arm to point at a door just on the other side of the closet.

“That door goes to the garage, but the lock is broken so we haven’t used it yet. I’m sure I’ll get that fixed soon, what with winter weather coming on,” Castiel explained.

Lia tugged on his arm and led Dean towards the end of the hall where they emerged into a larger room. It held a couch, an entertainment center, and a few bookshelves. There was even a wood stove at the back of the room, though it looked to Dean like it was unused. Maybe he’d ask Castiel if he could poke at it later. He’d always loved a good fire.

“We have a back door out to a porch over there,” Castiel motioned towards the woodstove.

That made sense, Dean realized.

“And the kitchen you saw has another entrance just over there,” Castiel said, pointing. “There’s an office and a bathroom down that hall and the stairs for the second floor.”

“Can I show Dean upstairs?” Lia asked eagerly.

Castiel laughed. “Sure thing, poppet.”

She let go of Dean’s hand and raced for the stairs, looking briefly behind her to make sure he was following.

“I’m… sorry about her enthusiasm, Dean,” Castiel apologized.

“Nah, it’s okay. I like kids,” Dean reassured him.

“Yeah, me too,” Castiel said. There was something wistful about the tone that confused Dean, but he shook it off and followed Lia and Castiel up the stairs.

There were 6 doors off the hall landing here, almost in a square. Lia stood before one, bouncing on her toes. Castiel pointed at each of them in turn.

“My bedroom, the bathroom, linen closet, attic stairs, guest room and – “

“Let me guess, Lia’s room?” Dean interrupted with a grin.

“How’d you know?” Castiel chuckled a little and Dean felt pleased that he made him laugh. “As soon as she’s done showing you her room, I’ll show you yours?”

“Sounds good to me,” Dean agreed.

“Thank you for indulging her,” Castiel said softly.

“Not a problem, man,” Dean said, walking over to join Lia.

He had no idea what he was expecting when he stepped into her room. Something pink and frilly maybe? Wasn’t that what girls liked? Instead, he found an eclectic collection of dolls and action figures, posters from Moondor and books crammed into every available nook and cranny. Instead of pink, blue seemed to be a favorite color, though not the only one.

She led him around the room, picking up one thing or another to show it off. A pretty rock, her Queen of Moondor action figure, the book she was most currently reading –  _ Dealing with Dragons,  _ Dean read on the cover – when he came to a stop before her dresser and blinked.

“- and Princess Cimorene is pretty awesome, just like the Queen of Moondor. She does all the things people tell her princesses  _ can’t  _ do and – “

Dean stared at the wall, barely taking in Lia’s words. That was one of the pictures  _ he’d  _ taken, hung up on the wall. And while that wasn’t a surprise – after all, these conventions were special moments for the fans, and the pictures were reminders of that time – what was a surprise was which picture they’d chosen to hang up.

They’d picked – or maybe Lia had picked? – the one where he’d been in the picture too.

Why would they have done that?

_ I guess that explains why Lia seemed so excited to see me, or why Castiel remembered me at all.  _ Judging by the framed photograph, Dean had severely underestimated his impact on their moment. He would have sworn that Castiel was too out of it to remember anything about their interaction, but it had been clear that Dean was recognized just as soon as Castiel had laid eyes on him.

“That was ou – her favorite one,” Castiel said from the doorway, obviously having cottoned on to what had caught Dean’s attention. “She may have been there for Ms. Bradbury but the two of you together made the entire thing even more fun for Lia. Guess it’s a good thing you like kids, you seem to have a way with them.”

“Yeah, I always thought I’d have kids someday,” Dean said. A wave of melancholy briefly hit him as he realized he might never get that now.  _ No, don’t be stupid. Just because you and Michael didn’t work out, doesn’t mean you can’t find someone else to create a happy family with. _

He turned away from the photo and gave his attention back to Lia.

Eventually, and lastly, Dean was shown to the room  _ he’d _ be using. It was very simple. A double bed, dresser and a nightstand, with a hope chest in the corner. There were no knick-knacks or pictures on the wall and Dean turned about, taking the room in as Castiel stood in the doorway nervously.

“I hope this will be all right? We’re still settling in, I’m afraid,” Castiel said. 

The tone was even but Dean wrinkled his nose. If he was reading the small current of scent in the room correctly, he was amazed that Castiel wasn’t wringing his hands together.

Why was he suddenly nervous? Or had he been nervous the whole time and Dean simply hadn’t caught it?

“It’ll be fine. Plenty of room for me to put my equipment without worrying I’m going to trip over it in the middle of the night, so, there’s that.” Dean grinned. “You should see some of the hotel rooms I’ve had. You pay top dollar and then they’re not even that big so it's a little like playing Tetris with all my stuff.”

Castiel tilted his head and Dean tried not to die of cute. “Tetris? Oh… yes, I remember that game.”

“I should hope so. I think it’s pretty much a staple of the 80’s…” Dean joked.

Castiel just blinked.

Dean cleared his throat. “So… I’m gonna go get my stuff, if that’s cool?”

“Oh! Yes, yes of course.” Castiel  nodded and stepped backward. “Lia, let’s let Dean settle into his room, all right, poppet? It’s time for dinner, you can help me make something for all of us.”

“Okay!” she said brightly, hopping down off the bed and racing past her father.

Within seconds, Dean was left alone in the room. He let out a deep breath and ran a hand over his face.  _ Be cool _ , he admonished himself.  _ This is a gig, not a date. _

Heaving a sigh, Dean tromped down the stairs, feeling like an intruder with how loud his boots were on the hardwood floor, and went out to his car.

Opening the doors, he took stock of everything. First, he grabbed up his duffel and his laptop and brought them inside, before going back for his tripods and cameras. It only took the two trips, thankfully, and he soon had everything set up in the room. He hadn’t been lying. There was plenty of room to work with in putting things away. He opened a drawer of the dresser and was surprised to find it empty. He shrugged and emptied his duffel, organizing it all into the dresser. He placed his toiletries kit on the top, along with his wallet and keys and phone charger. He put his tripods and most of his photography equipment into the empty closet and his laptop and his main camera were left on top of the hope chest.

An old hat at doing traveling photography gigs, it didn’t take all that long and soon he was back downstairs looking for the kitchen. He found Castiel and Lia side by side at the counter, putting together sandwiches. Castiel turned as soon as Dean entered.

“We’re just about ready. If you’d like anything to drink, there’s a few different things in the fridge. Help yourself. Glasses are just over there.” Castiel nodded his head over to a cabinet and Dean nodded back.

“Cool, thanks,” Dean said, opening the fridge to look at the offerings. After a moment's deliberation, he settled on some apple juice and rummaged around in the indicated cabinet for a cup.

Settling down at the table, Lia chattered around her sandwich and Castiel looked at her fondly. It was only when dinner was over that anyone broached the subject of why they were here.

“So, you’re here for a month?” Castiel asked. “Won’t that disrupt your life?”

“Well, I’m in between projects right now, and I don’t exactly have anybody waiting for me back home.” Dean shrugged and leaned back in his chair as he explained. Not like he had a home anymore anyway. “This is a nice break. Besides, it’s always better to overestimate the time needed then under. We might get partway through the project and realize that the direction we’re going in just won’t work at all and start over. Then we’ll be grateful for the extra time. Or if we do any outside shooting, the weather might not cooperate.”

“Hmm…” Castiel hummed thoughtfully. “Those are all very good points. I admit, I never really thought about the kind of work a photographer must do, outside of the very real admiration I have for such talent.”

“I imagine it’s much the same being a writer. Only you’re less dependent on the moods and seasons around you.” Dean paused and shook his head. “Well, I guess that’s only partially true. If the world is rushing past you too fast to take a break, you won’t be able to sit down long enough to write, whereas when the world's rushing past me too fast – I can’t snap the picture I want. So, same deal I guess.” Dean laughed ruefully. 

Castiel nodded. “I think you’re right again, Dean. I never really thought about it that way before.”

Castiel bit his lip and his eyes drooped downward, the overall pleasant scent permeating the room taking a downward shift as well and Dean wondered what on earth Cas could be thinking to cause such a change. Though he really wanted to know, he refrained from asking because it wasn’t his business.

But God, he wished it was.

He squashed the thought and changed the topic from the generalities of what they were doing and into the specifics, like Castiel’s schedule and availability and expectations. After a few short hours, they’d hashed out some basic guidelines and rules of when and where and what kind of photography would be okay – for instance, Castiel wanted nothing published that could be used to figure out where he lived. Dean could understand that and heartily agreed to it.

* * *

 

Despite worries about any awkwardness settling in and Cas getting used to his presence, things went remarkably smoothly. Dean found he had plenty of time to explore the house and the surrounding grounds since Lia was still in school and Cas had certain times of the day he dedicated to writing – though Dean had thought it amusingly cute to see him stop dead in the middle of doing something else as inspiration struck and then scramble for paper and pen, or run to his office to open up his laptop.

Dean may or may not have managed to capture some of those mad scrambles. He had long since learned to keep at least one of his cameras on him at all times since he never knew what would strike his fancy and living with Cas, he found himself utilizing this habit on a fairly regular basis. It was quite clear on multiple occasions that Cas even forgot Dean was there with a camera till he looked up blinking after the shutter clicked a couple of times.

It was kind of endearing how red and flustered Cas got every time he found himself at the center of Dean’s attention.

Within the week, Dean already had hundreds of shots. Curled up on his bed with his laptop propped on his knees, he frowned as he sorted through them. There was something… not right about nearly all the shots of Cas. But he couldn’t put his finger on it.

He flipped through photo after photo after photo trying to figure it out.

And it wasn’t in every single photo either. If Dean caught him writing, or playing with Lia, whatever it was that was wrong in the other photos didn’t seem to be there. But he couldn’t use the pictures with Lia, not if he was going to respect Cas’s wishes for her privacy and protection. And as much as he loved the pictures of Cas engrossed in his work, not all of them were flattering and many of them were just repetitive. They needed more variety. And something that didn’t actually show his face. Dean had to keep reminding himself of that point.

He groaned and swiped a hand over his face.

Still, whether he could use them or not, the fact that there was something wrong with all his photos of Cas bothered him. What the hell had gone wrong with his pictures?

He hit arrow keys again and again. Over and over. Flip, flip, flip. Next photo. There it was again. What  _ was  _ that? Next one - again. And again and aga - _ oh… _

Dean froze, staring at the current photo, his heart breaking as everything clicked in place. For most of these photos, Cas had remained stoic, and in some he was smiling, but if you caught his eyes you could see it -

How sad and pain filled they were.

Not everyone would even notice it. Cas was good at putting up a strong or cheerful front but now that he saw it, Dean couldn’t  _ unsee _ it. It was there, in nearly every photo. Now that he knew what he was looking for, there was even a trace in the other photos he’d thought were okay. Dean couldn’t use any of these pictures.

Now what?

  
  



	6. Of Disastrous Dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimmy tries to convince Cas to move on and Lia tries to convince Dean that Cas is the one...

**CAS POV**

“Just… go on another date, Cassie,” Jimmy implored over the phone. “In fact, I know a guy that lives in the area, I can easily set something up for tonight.”

“What good is it going to do, Jimmy? They all say the same thing.” Cas sighed. He sat on the edge of his bed, dressed in sweats and a ratty tee.

“Look, not all Alphas are like those assbutts. I don’t know how you keep finding them, but I know they’re out there and you need to get your mind off your houseguest. This is the best way to do it,” Jimmy said.

It had only been a week and Cas felt like he was dying a little inside with each moment he spent with Dean. He was an  _ Alpha _ , and if there was anything Cas had learned over the years, it was that Alpha’s only cared about the one thing Cas couldn’t provide. But having Dean in his home like this was giving him all sorts of ideas. He was perfect and just his type: kind, funny, great with Lia – and his looks didn’t hurt either!  

It was easy to forget, for just a moment, that there wasn’t anything between them. That there  _ couldn’t  _ be anything between them.

“Jimmy, I appreciate you trying to help, but in my experience, the only Alphas who didn’t treat me that way were the ones that had no interest in me whatsoever – regardless of my infertility.” Cas knew he was being unfair to his brother, but he really didn’t think he had the heart in him to even try anymore.

“Cas, please, don’t give up… I know you’re lonely. I know you want someone in your life that can be there for you  _ and  _ for Lia. There’s millions of people out there. There’s gotta be someone, and if you won’t even give your houseguest a chance, then you need to go out there and look. You can’t find something if you aren’t even looking, and I promise this guy isn’t half bad.” Jimmy’s tone had started as supportive, but by the end it had turned rather desperate sounding. 

Cas looked down at his feet. He was worrying his brother and if he didn’t agree to this date, Jimmy would probably hop a plane and show up on his doorstep to stage an intervention. Well, if he had no hope at the start of the date, then he couldn’t be let down, right? 

Cas pinched his nose and nodded. Jimmy couldn’t see the action but it gave Cas the momentum to grit out his acceptance.

Jimmy shouted gleefully on the other end of the phone and hung up after assuring Cas that he’d call back with the details in a short while.

Cas stared at the phone in his hands, dread settling inside him, his stomach churning. This was a very bad idea. But it was too late to back out now.

Besides, all that would do would bring a worried brother to his doorstep which was exactly what he was trying to avoid.

A knock on his open door broke him out of his thoughts and he looked up to find Dean standing there, barefoot, jeans, an AC/DC shirt, and all manner of hot. Cas sucked in a breath.

“Hey man, you want lunch? I was thinking of heading out to town and picking up some pizzas. You interested?” Dean asked.

Cas looked down at the phone still in his hands and back up. “Yes, yes I am.” He dropped the phone on the bed and stood. “Just, let me get changed and I’ll meet you downstairs.”

“Sure thing, Cas.” Dean grinned like a little boy.

Cas – as usual – couldn’t help but feel a little lifted by the sight, butterflies dancing in his belly. Before he could try to mentally scold them, Dean turned away and left, closing the door behind him so Cas would have the privacy he needed to change. The butterflies danced about again. 

He had no doubt that given enough time, those little butterflies would form into something way more dangerous for Cas to deal with – full blown love.

It was bound to end in disaster. He should be keeping his distance from Dean –  as much as he was able while the man was living and working with him, anyway – after all, wasn’t that the reason for tonight’s date?

Shoving the traitorous thoughts away, Cas stood and rifled his closet for clothes to change into. He debated a shower – he’d taken one before bed last night – but in the end, decided against it. Changing swiftly, he joined Dean downstairs and sat on the chair he kept by the door, pushing his feet into his shoes and lacing them. He stood and Dean was already handing him his coat.

“Thank you, Dean,” he murmured, his heart skipping a beat.

“No problem, Cas,” Dean said. Whistling, Dean threw on his own coat and pulled out his keys.

Cas put on his matching knitted hat, gloves and scarf. He frowned at Dean.

“Don’t you have a hat? Or a scarf? What about gloves?” he asked, getting a head shake in response to every question. “Well, that’s no good, Dean. It’s getting fairly cold out there. Here, I should have some spares over… ah! Here you go!”

Cas sent a triumphant smile Dean’s way, holding out the cold weather knitted set he’d made himself last winter. It was purple and blue and pink and Dean’s cheeks almost matched the pink yarn Cas had used.

“Um… thanks, Cas,” Dean stuttered out, taking the offered items and donning them. He struck a pose and asked, “Well? How does it look?”

Cas’s tongue dried up in his mouth. He swallowed. “They, uh, look good on you.”

“Here, take a picture – no wait, let’s take a picture together!” Still a little pink in his cheeks, Dean held out his phone. “C’mon Cas, get in here!”

“What are we – Dean, I’ve never taken a selfie before.”

“You’re not taking a selfie. I am. You just happen to be in the photo too,” Dean pointed out. He wrapped an arm around Cas’s shoulder drawing him in close. Dean tilted his head to lean on Cas’s. “Okay, now… smile and wave hi!”

Feeling slightly ridiculous and hyper aware of how close they were, how good Dean smelled, how  _ warm  _ he was, Cas nervously and giddily waved at the phone. The butterflies in his gut multiplied and had babies. He heard the click of the photo and Dean drew away. Cas felt the loss as soon as he did, but then Dean was leaning in again to show him the picture.

“Dude! We look  _ great _ ! I’m sending this to my brother – I mean, if you’re okay with that?” Dean looked up from the phone a little nervously. 

Cas chuckled, nodding. “Of course, Dean. And, if you wouldn’t mind, could you send that to me also? So I can… show  _ my  _ brother?” Cas nearly squeaked as he tried to rush the last words out, afraid that Dean would see he really wanted the photo for himself.

Dean was always snapping pictures, but Cas felt too uncertain of himself, too scared of what it might look like, to take any of his own. At the end of the month, Dean would leave with nothing to prove he’d been there. There would be no external evidence Dean had been in their lives for the month. For some reason that hurt, even though Cas refused to even get his hopes up that there could be anything with Dean.

* * *

 

On their way back from the pizza place, Cas carried the warm pizza on his lap, feeling relaxed despite his close proximity to Dean.  The aroma of the pizza was strong enough to cover whatever scent he might be giving off that Dean could pick up on. He’d been wondering if he should wear his blockers but, in the privacy of his own home, it’d be suspicious. Instead, Cas had taken to lighting aromatic candles and using the neutralizing wall plug-ins. They’d been doing the trick so far.

Once back, Dean walked up to the door first.  He used the key Cas had gotten for his use and unlocked the door, holding it open for Cas. 

No sooner had they deposited the pizza onto the kitchen table then Cas’s phone rang in his pocket. It startled him and he slapped at his pants, trying to retrieve his phone. When he finally fished it out, he looked at the caller ID and groaned. He thumbed the answer button and spoke.

“Hello, Jimmy,” Cas sighed.

“Well, don’t you sound all enthusiastic,” Jimmy noted. “Don’t worry, it’s gonna be  _ great!  _ You’re all set for tonight, Cas. Gadreel was available, so just be at the Roadhouse tonight by 7 o’clock. Casual dress is fine.”

Cas pinched his nose and dropped into a seat at the table, Dean sending him questioning looks as he placed plates on the table, along with some napkins. “Great. Wonderful,” Cas said flatly. “7 o’clock? And how will I even know who he is?”

“He’ll know who  _ you  _ are. Gad’s a buddy of mine from college. I’m sure he’ll recognize you instantly,” Jimmy said.

“This is a  _ very  _ bad idea, Jimmy,” Cas sighed.

“Trust me, Cas,” his brother insisted. “And don’t forget to let me know how it goes, okay?”

“Fine. Goodbye, Jimmy,” Cas said, pulling the phone away and hanging up, cutting off Jimmy’s goodbye. He stared forlornly at the pizza box till something nudged his foot. He frowned and looked up at Dean who was staring back in concern.

“You okay there, man?”

“Brothers are annoying,” Cas said simply, finally reaching forward and taking a slice of pizza and putting it on his plate. He noticed Dean had remembered the garlic and he managed to smile a little, picking up the spice and liberally sprinkling it over his pizza.

“Yeah, I can second that,” Dean chuckled. “Can I ask… um… what that was about?”

“Jimmy seems to think I’m unhappy and has ‘set me up’ on yet another date. It’s doomed to fail, like all the others. I don’t know why he keeps trying.” Cas took a bite of his slice and chewed before blinking and realizing something. “I don’t have anyone to watch Lia on such short notice! I just remembered, Mildred is visiting her daughter in New York this week, a nd my neighbor’s daughter is sick, so Mrs. Bea can’t do it either … They’re my usual sitters. I can’t go out tonight…”

Cas was feeling relieved at the idea, actually, his hand reaching out for his phone to call his brother back. 

“No problem, man. I can watch Lia. You go have fun on your date. Maybe your brother’s right. Hey, if nothing else, you might have a new friend. Friends are always good,” Dean said around a mouthful of his own pizza.

Cas felt his stomach drop. So what he was starting to feel for Dean was one-sided after all. And Dean sounded so certain of Cas’s success for the date, he didn’t have the heart to disabuse him of the notion that anything about this was going to go all right. He resigned himself to the date.

“I admit,” Cas said warily. “I’m surprised at your offer to watch Lia. I would have expected you to want to tag along with your camera. That’s literally your job, Dean. Watching Lia is not.”

“Well, one, watching Lia is so not a chore. She’s a real sweetheart and two, fuck no! Cas, I’m not the paparazzi and you deserve to have your own time, some kind of privacy, even with me living here. There are things that should just  _ never _ be intruded upon.” Dean’s disgust was clear enough to make Cas’s nose wrinkle.

“You feel quite vehemently about that,” Cas said, fighting the urge to sneeze, to clear his nose of the acrid scent.

“Well, yeah. I mean, I just imagine being in their shoes, and I gotta say, I wouldn’t want to be hounded like that, so why’s it okay to do it to other people?” Dean explained.

“That’s very admirable of you Dean.” God, with every moment spent in his presence, Cas was losing himself to just how perfect Dean seemed to be.

* * *

 

**DEAN POV**

Dean watched Cas pull out of his driveway with a heavy heart.

Turned out he might have been wrong. The sadness wasn’t grief; it was loneliness. Or no, that wasn’t quite right either. Maybe it was both? Feeling lonely but not ready to move on? At least, if his reaction at getting set up for dates by his brother was anything to go by. Because instead of looking forward to it, Cas looked like a man heading to the gallows.

Smelled like it too. Dean regretted the offer to watch Lia as soon as he’d said it. The apple cinnamon plug-in and the aroma of fresh made pizza had done nothing to disguise the utter hopelessness dripping off of Cas when his hand moved away from the phone. He’d thanked Dean of course. Cas was polite and courteous.

And now Dean was seriously worried for him.

He tried to distract himself with Lia, playing board games with her till bedtime and then making sure she got ready for bed. When she was ready, he came in to tuck her in and read a story. He was halfway through when her hand touched his arm and he stopped. Looking down at her, he was struck suddenly with the idea that if he and Cas had a kid, this might be what she would look like: she had blue eyes, a couple shades lighter than Cas’s, but her hair was closer to Dean’s color than her father's.

He shook his head to get rid of the stray thought and put his focus back on her.

“Dean, do you like Papa?” she asked.

“Um… why do you ask?” he choked out in surprise.

“Cause he’s sad, and I think he likes you…” she said. “So, do you?”

“Uh, um… I mean…” Dean blushed and dropped the book in his lap, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Yeah, I kinda do, but, I don’t think your daddy’s all that interested in me.”

“I think you’re wrong,” Lia said with a grin, wriggling under her blankets. “You should kiss him.”

“What?” Dean blinked.

Was he seriously getting romantic advice from a ten-year-old? Or was she eleven? No, that didn’t matter. He was getting encouragement from a kid. Was she seeing something he didn’t? Was she right? Kids had a different view of the world. But if she was right, well then, why would Cas hold back?

“You should kiss him. Let papa know you like him too, then we can all three be a family,” she smiled at him, pleased as punch with her plan.

“Sweetie, Lia, I barely know your daddy…” Dean started to protest.

“But we’ve known you for like, a year!” Lia said.

“But… I… we didn’t… it was that one time and then this week. That’s it. That’s not really much to go on,” Dean spluttered. How was this child sending him for a head spin?

“Isn’t that how it works?” she asked, her big blue eyes looked at him innocently.

“What do you mean?” Dean was just lost now.

“Papa always stays home with me and we do all sorts of things together, but Daddy was never home. And I think you’re nicer than Daddy. He always looked scared when he saw me. You don’t look scared. You look happy.” Lia’s matter of fact words floored Dean.

What kind of relationship had Cas and Balthazar even had? He was so confused right now he didn’t know which way to turn. And it wasn’t like he could ask. No matter what Lia thought of the situation, Dean didn’t have the  _ right  _ to ask Cas about that time in his life, or his dating history. They were still getting to know each other and while Dean liked to think they were at least friends – even if he was already wishing for more – it was too soon to be that nosy.

“Um, well, I’ll think about it, okay?” he asked.

She nodded and he let out a breath of relief.

“Okay, then. Good talk. But I think it’s time for you to go to sleep, now. Goodnight, Lia.”

“Goodnight, Dean.”

He closed her door behind him and wandered downstairs. He flopped down onto the couch and flicked on the TV. He could have watched something on his laptop up in his room, but here he was, in the living room. At 9:30. While Cas was still out on his date.

Not that he was  _ waiting  _ for Cas. Cause he wasn’t. 

But shouldn’t he have been back by now? If the date was at seven, well, it had been 2 and a half hours already. If Cas wasn’t back yet, then maybe the date had gone well? Dean felt sick. No, Cas deserved happiness. Why should Dean begrudge him of it if he was able to find it?

Dean jumped when he heard the keys in the lock, followed by cursing, and the sound of a loud jangle. He jumped to his feet. Cas wouldn’t have brought his date back home with  _ Lia  _ here, would he?

Dean stood there, undecided if he should stick around or flee, when Cas finally got the door open. Dean watched him stumble in and shut the door behind him, leaning heavily on the wall. 

Cas took a step inside, dragging his shoulder along the wall and stopped, head bowed. Despair flowed off of him and Dean lunged forward, crossing the space of the living room to the front door just in time to catch Cas as he started to slide down the wall.

“Cas? Oh god, Cas, what’s wrong?”

Cas didn’t answer him, only shook in Dean’s arms. It took him a few seconds to realize Cas was holding back sobs.

“Cas, Cas, please, what’s wrong? Did he…” Dean gulped, afraid to ask. “Did he  _ do  _ something to you? Are you hurt? Do you need a hospital? Police? Fuck, dude, I can go beat the shit outta him. Just… talk to me, please!”

Cas shook his head, but his hands clutched at Dean’s flannel shirt. Dean’s hand rose to grasp Cas’s head, pushing off the knitted hat, and running his hands soothingly through the dark, messy hair. He tucked Cas’s head gently into his chest and his other hand went around to rub circles into his back, though Dean doubted that Cas felt it through all the layer he was wearing. But fuck, at least it made Dean feel like he was doing something.

“Please, Cas, you’re scaring me… what happened? How can I help you?” Dean pleaded softly. He didn’t want to push, but at the same time he just had no idea what to do.

Cas shuddered again and broke into sobs. He choked words out around them, broken and stuttering. “I can’t do this anymore… just… I want to stop… it hurts. Jimmy’s wrong. Nothing’s changed. I’m… I’m just too broken… I don’t deserve a mate. There’s no one out there for me… never has been.”

If Dean had thought his heart was breaking before, it was nothing compared to how he felt now. Why would Cas think this way about himself? What kind of people had he been dating if this was how he felt? Because this wasn’t the result of  _ one  _ bad date. Not with this depth of despair.

Dean wanted to find this date of Cas’s and beat the ever-loving shit out of him. Followed up by calling out Cas’s brother for setting him up with this guy in the first place. And ending by hunting down every other person or ex that had ever contributed to Cas’s current meltdown.

But first, he needed to help Cas.

“Shhhh….” Dean soothed.

Grateful they were both still on their feet, Dean guided Cas to the couch and encouraged him to sit down. Dean detached himself enough to try and get Cas’s coat off, but Cas clutched Dean’s shirt with a white knuckled grip.

“C’mon, let’s just get this coat off, okay?”

Slowly, he coaxed Cas to let go, one hand at a time. He slid Cas’s coat off, leaving Cas in a bulky, grey and blue sweater.

Dean scooched back onto the couch and brought Cas with him. He cradled Cas in his arms and against his chest - god, he wished he could pull Cas in to his scent glands, wished that he and Cas had the type of relationship where scenting each other could be calming -  and wracked his brains for something – anything – he could do to help him. In the end, he decided that he couldn’t do anything without  _ really  _ knowing what was going on, and maybe the guy just needed a good cry. Without even realizing it, Dean started humming, his hands still rubbing circles into his back, scratching soothingly through his hair.

Eventually, the sobs died down and Cas just lay there, breathing hard, and still holding Dean’s shirt.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Dean asked softly.

“Oh God!” Cas shot up, shoving off of Dean, shame coloring his features, and tickling Dean’s nose. “I’m… I’m so sorry, Dean. I didn’t mean to-“

“Cas, calm down, please.” Dean stretched his arm out to grasp Cas’s arm. With a loose hold, he gently tugged at Cas, encouraging him to stay, but allowing him the freedom to leave. “It’s okay. Looks like you needed a good cry. I mean, it happens to all of us. I’m no stranger to it myself.”

Cas blinked. “Really? But I thought Alphas-“

Dean snorted. “Fuck that stereotyping shit, okay. Sure, around strangers I get goddamned embarrassed, but around my friends and family? It’s… it’s like a sign of trust to be able to allow them to see me that way. Does that make sense? Not that I want to burden them, but… just them being there for me, they don’t even have to do anything except let me get it out.”

Relaxing slightly, Cas nodded thoughtfully, his arm coming up to wipe over his face with the scratchy sweater.

Dean chuckled. “Oh man, that can’t feel good on you. Hold on.”

Dean jumped up and ran into the bathroom. He didn’t know where Cas kept his tissues so a roll of toilet paper would have to do. He returned with it and handed it over.

“Better than your sweater,” Dean said with a lopsided grin.

Taking it slowly, Cas blinked. “I… can’t argue that.”

Settling back down on the couch, Dean gave Cas a few more minutes to compose himself before speaking again. “Look, if you need someone to talk to, I’ve been known to have a good ear. It’s obvious from the way you were acting earlier, your brother either hasn’t been listening very well, or you’re reluctant to discuss whatever’s wrong with him. Maybe I can help?”

Cas shook his head. “It’s doubtful you can help. Besides, Dean, you don’t need to. I have a –“ Cas looked away, embarrassed, “- a therapist for just that reason.”

“Yeah, okay… and if you want me to, I’ll back off. But uh, your therapist ain’t here right now, and I am. Seems to me, you need someone here, now, in this moment.”

Dean didn’t want to push, didn’t want to back Cas in a corner, but he wasn’t altogether sure Cas was thinking straight at the moment. He mentally crossed his fingers that he wasn’t overstepping and making Cas uncomfortable.

“Yes, I – I suppose that’s true. I’m just, I don’t know where to start,” Cas twisted his hands together, mangling the makeshift tissues still held in them.

Dean waited, trying not to fidget. The silence was getting awkward, leaving Dean to cast about for anything to break it.

Abruptly standing, Dean held out a hand. “We’ll start with tea.”

Cas’s eyes narrowed. “You don’t like tea,” he said suspiciously.

“No, I don’t. But I don’t hate it either and you  _ do  _ like tea. So, walk me through making your favorite cup of tea, and I’ll brew enough for both of us. You can take this chance to try to convert me.”

Dean's eyes twinkled and he did a mental jig as Cas huffed out a laugh, a small twitch of a smile hovering about his lips.

Dean was going to count that as a friggin’ win.

 


	7. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of Cas's bad date, Dean gets to know Cas quite a bit better than before... and has some thinking to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Texts intentionally misspelled...  
> >> (outgoing, so in this case Dean)  
> << (incoming - aaaaand that's a surprise :P)
> 
> Notes:   
> Cas's low self worth definitely raises it's head here, and there's talk of his infertility

**CAS POV**

Cas sat in his kitchen bemused and wrung out. His eyes burned from crying, his throat raw from the sobbing and yet… it had felt good to release the torrent inside of him. Part of him whispered that it had felt good because he’d been in Dean’s arms when he lost it.

He stomped that part of him down.

Watching Dean putter around his kitchen to Cas’s directions was a little surreal, but fairly soon, Dean had two steaming mugs of tea set on the table.  Dean had dragged his chair in close beside Cas’ so that their shoulders and thighs touched and bumped against each other.

“I suppose I’m just feeling… lonely,” Cas said, dancing around the words. He didn’t really want to see Dean’s reaction to the truth. But on the other hand, maybe he could get his heart to stop falling for the Alpha, if he just ripped off the bandaid and got everything out in the open. When he could see that true nature of Dean revealed…

It was pessimistic of him, but given his history, Cas didn’t have much optimism left.

“Yeah, I know that feeling,” Dean agreed. His fingers came around his cup, and Cas noticed that he rubbed the ring finger of his left hand. The empty finger. “You must have loved Balthazar very much.”

Cas shook his head. “I did, but not like that. This might sound horrible but… Balthazar and I married for convenience. We were best friends and nothing more. He married me to avoid gold diggers – the same ones I moved out here to avoid – and I married him because…” Cas took a deep breath. “Because I can’t have children.”

Cas bowed his head over his mug, unable to look at Dean after all. He knew what he had to be radiating. Shame, sadness, guilt, self-loathing. As deep as he felt it, there was no way Dean couldn’t smell it.

“I don’t understand. Lia…?” Dean sounded confused. Smelled it too. And nothing else. Cas dared to raise his eyes a little, but dropped them just as quickly. He took a sip of his tea, stalling.

“Isn’t mine. She’s Balthazar’s. A surprise he didn’t know how to deal with. But as much as the idea of raising a child scared him, he wasn’t about to get rid of her. That’s where I came in. I wanted a child, so badly, Dean. And I can’t have children. She may not be the child of my body, but she is very much the child of my heart,” Cas said emphatically. “My family believes we married out of love. In a way, we did. But it wasn’t… it wasn’t that. And for a while that was enough. And while we were married, my family dropped the issue of me settling down because – as far as they knew…”

“You  _ were _ settled down. But now he’s gone and… they’re pushing you again. Okay, but… I still don’t get why you came back from this date feeling the way you did,” Dean said.

Cas looked up at him in shock, searching Dean’s face, his scent for anything other than utter confusion. “Are you serious?”

“Um, yeah?” Dean said. “I mean, what did I say that would make you think I wasn’t?”

Fingers trembling around his mug, Cas just gaped at Dean. “I… but… you’re an Alpha!”

“Yes, I am. A very confused Alpha,” Dean agreed.

Cas started to laugh a little, the sound was just a little more hysterical than he expected and he clapped a hand over his mouth to smother it. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe in, tried to catch his breath long enough to speak. “Dean, every Alpha I’ve ever tried to ‘date’ has… has made it very clear that they only value me as a child bearer. That I’m good for nothing else and as I’m sterile, there’s no use in me. It’s why I don’t look forward to any of the dates my brother puts me up to. But… he’s an Alpha too and he just doesn’t understand how much it hurts me. He knows that  _ he’s  _ not like that, so he’s sure I can find someone else who would actually want me for…  _ me _ . But I mean, that’s just Jimmy. Other than him and Balthazar, I’ve never met anyone who was an Alpha, and even some Omegas, who didn’t think that way **.** My own mother has cried over me, telling me how horrible she feels because I’ll never get a mate now. My uncles have looked at me with derision, telling me how broken I am. Out of my own flesh and blood, only Jimmy has never judged me.”

And yes, there it was. There was the look he’d expected to see on Dean’s face. That acrid smell in the air making it clear how horrified Dean was as the fact that Cas couldn’t have children finally penetrated.

“That’s why I’m done. I don’t want to do this anymore. If someone can’t love me for me, be happy to be with me,” Cas’s voice hitched. Oh god, no, please don’t let him fall apart again. Once was already bad enough. “I don’t want to keep being reminded how broken I am. I don’t want my dates ramming it down my throat till all I can think is how I’ll never be happy. I’ll always be lonely. If it wasn’t for Lia… if I didn’t have her…  _ fuck _ …” Cas trailed off. “And you don’t have to pretend like you don’t care either. I can smell how much this repels you. So you see – I – I –” Cas choked and stumbled to his feet, shoving his half-drunk tea away.

“Cas, wait! No! Holy  _ fuck _ , no!” Dean lurched to his feet, reaching out after Cas but stopping short, pulling his hand back, his fingers curling together into a fist he dropped to his side. “What you’re smelling, Cas? It’s not because you can’t have kids – while that’s sad, there’s always other options out there – it’s because I’m pissed beyond belief that there are people-- _ Alphas-- _ that have treated you like you were less than nothing because of... of something you can’t even help! It’s wrong, Cas! And it sickens me that you’ve been made to feel this way. The ability to have kids or not, it shouldn’t define you!  You are more than that.”

Dean took a step closer, raising his hand again to clasp on Cas’s shoulder – it burnt like a brand even through Cas’s heavy sweater and the shirt beneath it. Dean ducked his head to catch his eye, “And my offer to go beat up your date still stands. In fact, give me the names of  _ every _ Alpha who’s ever made you feel this way. I’ll hunt them all down!”

Frozen in place, Cas stared at Dean in disbelief. His mouth opened and closed, but his words were trapped in his chest and his chest was way too tight. His eyes were stinging again. He gasped as Dean’s arms wrapped around him again, once more cradling Cas against his warm chest.

Cas let his eyes close, soaking in the warm comfort and reassuring smell of Dean. Something - Dean’s hand? - brushed the top of his head gently and Cas felt the tight ache loosen in his chest. He began to breathe again, but he didn’t want to pull away just yet.

How was Dean real?

What did this all mean? Did it… did it mean there was hope for him? For them?

No, no, just because Dean supported Cas, just because he disagreed with all those other Alphas, it didn’t mean Dean felt anything other than friendship for him. Like Balthazar. It wouldn’t do to get his hopes up for something that wouldn’t ever happen. Besides, Dean hadn’t given any sign that he was even interested in Cas. Just that afternoon, he’d encouraged Cas to go out on his date. That wasn’t the action of someone who wanted to be more than friends. If Dean had felt something for him, he would have been jealous, maybe discouraging, not offering to watch Lia so Cas could go.

But it wasn’t going to stop Cas from taking this moment to have Dean’s arms around him while he could get it. Who knew if or when he’d get another chance?

Eventually, his eyelids drooping, Cas broke away. Dean’s arms dropped away as he stepped back. 

“Thank you, Dean. I’m going to go to bed now. I find myself extremely worn out just now.”

“Yeah, I’m not surprised, man. I think you’ve been through the emotional ringer. Go get some rest. I’ll clean all this up, all right?” Dean gestured at the mugs. 

Cas followed the gesture with his head before looking back at Dean. “Thank you, again. For everything.”

“Yeah, no prob, man,” Dean said, a light blush forming on his skin as he rubbed the back of his neck.

If Cas hadn’t been so exhausted, mentally, emotionally and physically, he would have enjoyed watching the moment. Instead, he gave a brisk nod and left Dean in the kitchen.

He stopped before the upstairs bathroom and – for the second time that day - debated a shower. It was late, but he felt… disgusting. He took a step towards the bathroom and stopped.  He turned away again.

No, it might be a bad idea, but Cas was covered in Dean and he didn’t want to wash that away. He didn’t even bother changing when he got to his room, just kicked off his shoes and socks and crawled under the covers, curling up around a pillow.

He fell asleep to impossible dreams of being Dean’s mate. Of a loving and equal relationship. Of being able to fall asleep wrapped around his Alpha or his Alpha’s arms wrapped around him. Of warm and cozy cuddling and gentle kisses.

It wasn’t the first time he’d dreamed this dream.

It was, perhaps, the first time in a long time that his dream mate had a face, a scent, and a name.

* * *

 

**DEAN POV**

Dean watched Cas trudge up the stairs. His scent was lighter, more relaxed, but there was still turmoil there, still hurt and sadness. Dean had a feeling that he may have helped some, but that this was too ingrained, too deeply rooted for Cas to overcome it so easily.

Speaking of, there was no reason for Cas to keep subjecting himself to this kind of torture. And it was clear he’d been unable to tell his brother no. Thinking back to that afternoon and the pizza, Dean realized that when he was trying to be supportive, Cas had been looking for an out.  But it wasn’t like Dean had known, right? It wasn’t Dean who’d pushed Cas down. It wasn’t Dean who put Cas up to the date against his wishes. It wasn’t Dean’s fault he hadn’t known the situation for what it was or that he hadn’t put a stop to it.

His thoughts started circling and that’s when Dean realized was still angry about Cas’s revelations and it was freaking frustrating, because he had nobody to lash out at on Cas’s behalf.

Trying to relieve some of his tension, he moved about the living room, picking things up and tidying the room. Dean noticed Cas’s coat, a puddle on the floor by the couch. He stalked back across the living room and picked it up to hang it properly, knowing that Cas had a place for everything and would regret, later, not hanging it up. It felt heavier than Dean expected, listing to one side. He dug into the pockets to find the source and found Cas’s wallet, keys and phone… as well as a few other random things.

Fiddling with the simple phone in his hand, an idea formed in his head. It was probably not the best idea. At the very least, it was invading Cas’s privacy and at the worst, he would be meddling and possibly making things worse.

_It’s not my place to say a goddamn word,_ Dean reminded himself, bending to place the phone on the table. _It’s not my place but… whose is it? Who’s standing up for Cas? Why won’t he stand up for himself?_

Dean could just put the phone down where Cas could find it in the morning or he could do it after he found Jimmy’s phone number. The idea wouldn’t leave him alone and every time he tried to convince himself not to interfere, the memory of Cas sobbing against his chest, of Cas expecting Dean to reject him too, would push itself into the forefront of his mind.

There was no helping it now. Dean dropped on the couch, turned on Cas’s phone and found it wasn’t even locked. Quickly, feeling a little guilty, he copied Jimmy’s number over into his own phone and then placed Cas’s where he would find it in the morning.

Dashing upstairs, he closed the door behind him. Then for good measure, he locked it. Not that Cas would invade his privacy but… he was feeling all sorts of paranoid for what he was about to do. His phone was like a lead weight in his hand. Dean raked his fingers through his hair, staring at it.

He placed it on the dresser and changed into his boxers and sleep shirt and continued to stare at it.

He sat on the edge of the bed, staring over the gap to the dresser where the phone sat, mocking him.

Finally, Dean stood up, lunged for the phone as if it was a wild animal about to escape his clutches, and returned to the bed, phone held in a white-knuckle grip. His gut churned nervously. Dean slid under the covers and thumbed the phone on. His lock screen sat there, waiting until it went dark again. He thumbed it again and again as he debated this course of action.

If Cas knew what he was planning, Dean was certain he’d be pissed.

Dean dropped the phone beside him on the bed. An image of Cas’s lifeless, drowning eyes, the tear tracks trailing off into stubble, bloomed in Dean’s mind, added to the memory of the despondent scent, the feel of Cas shaking in his arms. Dean groaned or growled – or some mixture of both and snatched the phone back up off the covers.

Then he sent a text to Jimmy.

>> stop setting Cas up on dates

>> youre killing him

<< Who the fuck are you? & what the hell are u talking about?

>> dean and im talking about the wreck your brother was when he got home 2nite

<< OMG what happened?

>> from what he says, the same thing that alwys happens

<< Oh god. I thought Gad was different.

>> yeh, well, apparently not. So stop. Give him space.

<< :(

<< Is he okay?

>> better. He’s gone to bed

<< Will you keep me posted? He doesn’t always tell me things.

>> …ill think about it

>> godnite

Dean dropped the phone, ignoring the multiple beeps indicating that Cas’s brother hadn’t taken the hint and dropped the issue. One beep should have been a goodbye. Five more in rapid succession? Not so much. Now that Dean thought about it, this was probably much the way he’d been treating Cas. No wonder Cas wound up agreeing to a date he never wanted to go on to begin with. Dean rubbed his hands over his face. He didn’t know if what he did would do any good, but at least maybe it would be okay for a little while? 

Dean didn’t know Jimmy from Adam, but as far as he could tell, Jimmy seemed genuinely remorseful. From the things Cas had told Dean, Jimmy certainly cared about his brother and that was a plus in the pro column for Dean. He’d reserve judgement though, since Jimmy already had a minus for his god awful choice in dates for Cas. And maybe, if he was busy haranguing Dean, he would leave his brother alone.

For a long time after that, Dean stared up at the ceiling in his room, thinking about the things Cas had said. Was it true? Was that how all Alphas behaved to him?

Sure, Dean wanted kids and a family himself, longed for it even, but there were plenty of kids out there that could be adopted and taken in, given a family of their own. What hurt him the most was how Cas was made to feel as less – complicated by the fact that Cas really wanted kids of his own and must feel like his own body had betrayed him.

But surely Jimmy was right. There had to be other Alphas that thought more like he and Dean did.

Hadn’t there?

He snatched up his phone again, this time dialing Sam before realizing he’d done it. Sam answered after a few rings with a yawn. “Dean, do you know what time it is?”

“Uh…” Dean blinked. As a matter of fact, he didn’t. He looked at his watch.  3 am . Not quite as late for Sam, with the time difference, but still the middle of the night. “Shit, I’m sorry, Sammy. I wasn’t thinking.”

“You don’t sound drunk. What’s wrong?”

“Hey! What do you mean what’s wrong?” Dean said defensively.

“Dude, you would never call me this late unless you’re drunk dialing or something’s wrong. Those are really the only two options.”

Dean sighed. Sam knew him too well. “Technically, there’s nothing wrong with me. But could I ask a, um… hypothetical question?”

“At one in the fucking morning? It better be good,” Sam grumped incredulously.

Dean was sure he’d see a bitch face, if they were face to face.

“Look man, I just… if you were dating an Omega and found out they couldn’t have kids, would you care?”

“Fuck, Dean, what the hell did you do?”

“I didn’t do it. I’m only asking because… I can’t tell you actually, but this is really bothering me, man. I would never dump someone just because they were infertile. Why do other people do it? It’s not right and I can’t be the only one who sees that?”

Sam got quiet on the other end of the phone and Dean almost thought his brother had fallen back asleep.

“What’s going on Dean?” Sam finally asked, the words soft, concerned.

“Argh… I really, really can’t tell you, man. I don’t want to… broadcast his business to the world, okay and I mean, I know you wouldn’t blab but…”

“No, I get it Dean,” Sam yawned. “Look, you’re not wrong. There are plenty of Alphas out there who don’t think like that but… there are plenty of the other kind out there too. I’ve run into more than a few of them in my line of work. It’s really depressing. And the damage they do to my kids… I try my best to undo it but, it depends on how long it’s been going on, how severe, if they’ve been able to move away from the people causing it…” Sam trailed off.

“Sam, what do I do? The gu- uh, the person is… it’s pretty bad. They think they’re worthless and they’re anything but. They were pretty bad when they got back from a date tonight and I tried to help but, I’m not sure how much of what I did was actually helpful.”

“Therapy, maybe?”

“Already doing it.”

“Oh, that doesn’t sound very promising.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well, if they’re already in therapy and still not coping with things well, then either the therapy’s not working or their issues are pretty deeply ingrained. At this point, anyone who gets involved with this person will not only have to deal with whatever issues they might have over the infertility, but also whatever side effects years of conditioning into a lack of self-worth has given them.”

“Hell,” Dean said, frowning. “But what if…”

“Dean, don’t toy with him.  If you think you might have feelings for him make sure you’re ready to dedicate yourself to this. You can’t just go in with the idea that if it gets rougher than you expected, you can just bail, because all you’ll do is reinforce whatever he’s already feeling. It’s all or nothing, Dean. Not that you have to rush into anything, but you gotta think about this long and hard.”

“Wha -? I don’t – what are you – I mean, how did you – !” Dean spluttered. He didn’t want to admit anything just yet. He had no idea where anything could be going, if Cas would even be open to anything. The poor man had seemed too fed up with everything to even consider dating again and Dean wanted to give him as much space as he needed to feel better.

“Dean, you’re not as subtle as you think you are,” Sam said flatly.

“I am too!” Dean protested.

“Like hell. I know you, Dean, and if you weren’t personally invested in this, then yeah, you would have still asked your hypothetical question, cause that’s the kind of person you are. But you sure as  _ hell _ wouldn’t have called me in the middle of the night to ask it, nor followed it up with ‘how can I help?’” Sam’s voice was equal parts exasperated, proud, and worried.

Dammit. Why the fuck did Sammy read him so well?

“Just, tell me you’ll be careful? Whatever you do, just be careful. For both your sakes, okay?” Sam asked quietly. “Now, I’ll gladly talk with you about your hypothetical question some more, but after I get some sleep, got it?”

“Yeah, yeah, got it, Sammy. Go get your beauty sleep,” Dean said absently.

Hanging up, Dean dropped the phone and returned to staring at the ceiling. Now what? Talking with Sam hadn’t really answered his question, had it? It just proved Sam wasn’t a dick like the Alphas Cas had been dating.

And why the hell couldn’t Dean have managed to hide what he was feeling from his brother till he could  _ figure out _ what the fuck he was even feeling?

  
  



	8. A Call for Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Cas's turn to learn more about Dean's past. But now Dean has a decision to make...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's talk about the previous infidelity here, as well as a mention of abortion

**CAS POV**

Cas woke up feeling more rested than he had in a good long while. The lingering scent of Dean on his clothes made him breathe in deep and smile before he’d realized what he was doing. His smile fell and he groaned as he rolled off the bed, shedding clothes, and grabbing new ones.

He couldn’t be doing this. He couldn’t fixate on Dean. He barely knew the man, for one, and for two… well, when had Cas’s luck ever been that good?

_ Never, that’s when. No, that’s not true. I have Lia. I’ve lost Balthazar, but I still have Lia. I still have my brother and his family, and they accept me as I am. _

Cas stepped into the shower and turned the spray so hot it was nearly scalding. He scrubbed at himself roughly, trying to push all thoughts of Dean out of his head. He looked down and sighed. Reaching out, Cas turned off the hot water, leaving himself standing there with his head hanging. He shivered in the now ice-cold water.

_ Get a grip on yourself, _ he admonished. With a weary sigh, he stood under the cold water raining down over him for a minute before finally turning it off and reaching for a towel.

This whole thing had been a mistake. He should never have let Meg browbeat him into this highly unorthodox photo project.

It was a mistake and he hated himself for it but he couldn’t seem to regret it either. God, he was going to get his heart broken, wasn’t he?  _ No, my heart’s already broken. What’s one more crack in my chassis? _

When he entered the kitchen, he found Dean puttering about, making breakfast while Lia sat at the table. 

“Hey, Cas, have a seat, man. I made enough for all of us and your coffee maker’s percolating away…”

“Thank you, Dean,” Cas said, getting only a hummed response from the man.

It’d only been a week, but the Alpha seemed to really enjoy cooking. Which was good, since Cas couldn’t seem to talk him out of it. All of his ‘That’s not necessary, Dean,’ had only been met with ‘I know,’ and no other acknowledgement as Dean continued to cook.

Cas walked over to his daughter, who was coloring something, and kissed her forehead. She giggled as he sat down beside her.

She paused her coloring to throw her arms around him and give him a kiss on his cheek. “Mornin’, Papa!”

“Morning, poppet.” He grinned at her.

Dean hummed, pulling a pan off the stove and started dishing out scrambled eggs when a phone rang. Dean finished up and put the pan back down before snagging his phone out of his pocket.

The action reminded Cas he hadn’t seen his own phone since last night. He’d look for it after breakfast.

His head jerked up as the scent in the room changed. Wrinkling his nose, he saw Dean glaring at his still ringing phone. Dean cursed. He turned, heading for the door as he answered the phone.

“What do you want, Michael? What? No! Why the hell would you think I’d do that? Yeah, well, if you haven’t missed the memo, we’re divorced. I’d say that’s pretty final, man.” Dean closed his eyes and took a breath. “Right, of course. You need help. No, I’m  _ not  _ surprised Samuel left you and high and dry. Uh, because he did it to get to me? He  _ used  _ you, Michael. Yeah, well, I’m not calling him my grandfather any time soon, not after the shit he’s pulled.”

Dean stalked out, stiff-backed, his scent going from angry and hurt to resigned and frustrated. Cas wasn’t sure it was entirely an improvement. As soon as Dean was out of sight, Cas went to the wall outlet, turning up the neutral scent to a higher setting. Much as he normally liked Dean’s scent, the sour smell would interfere with breakfast. Picking up the plates with eggs and toast, he returned to the table, setting them in their places and fetching ketchup from the fridge for his daughter.

Cas hoped Lia hadn’t noted the cursing.  Dean had cursed a few times in the last week, but never around Lia, which Cas had appreciated. The one time he started to say 'fuck' he had awkwardly changed it to 'fudge' when he noticed her nearby. Whatever was going on must be too upsetting. At least he’d left the room, though Cas suspected it was more for privacy than for sparing anyone a few curses.

Murmurs of sound escaped the other room, but Cas couldn’t make any sense of it as he made his and Dean’s cups of morning coffee.

_ Nor should I _ , he thought, watching Lia pour ketchup all over her eggs _. Eavesdropping is a nasty habit. Dean left the room for a reason. _

Cas’s own eggs were plain and Dean’s had cheese melted into them. Worried about Dean’s eggs getting cold, Cas had just about resolved to put Dean’s plate in the microwave to keep them warm, sort of, when Dean returned.

Slinking into the room, Dean sat with a sigh and placed his phone beside him on the table.  His face held no expression and his scent was now drowned out by the higher setting Cas had put the neutralizer on, so Cas couldn’t tell if Dean was all right or not.

Dean rubbed at his empty ring finger with his thumb, even while he cut into his scrambled eggs with the fork held in his right hand. He hadn’t done anything like that in the last week. Whatever that phone call had been about, it had been enough to unsettle Dean. 

Cas had thought something must have happened but his own pain from Balthazar’s death had kept him from asking Dean for details. He had no idea how recent whatever had happened had been and didn’t want to make Dean feel any worse.

_ Well, at least I have the answer to my question, except that now I have at least ten more! _ Sighing internally, Cas refrained from asking anything, at least while Lia was still at the table, though he desperately wanted too.

It wasn’t until breakfast was over and Lia had scampered off into the living room for cartoons, leaving the two men in the kitchen to clean, that Cas had an opportunity.

“Would you like to talk, Dean?” Cas asked, his hands soaked in soapy water as he scrubbed at his pan. Out of the corner of his eye, Cas noted as Dean paused while wiping down the table. It was only a few seconds before the Alpha resumed.

“I’m good, Cas, no worries,” Dean said, tone indecipherable.

Cas rinsed the last of the soap off the pan and turned, wiping his hands off on the dish towel. He watched Dean clean, going over spots he’d already gotten. “Dean, it’s no problem. After the way you helped me last night, I would love to be able to return the favor. Only if you want to, of course. I don’t want to pry, but it sounded like you might need someone to talk to.”

Dean sighed. His hands stilled again as his head dropped to hang down between his arms, both of them braced on the table. A few moments passed and Cas was afraid he’d overstepped. Silently, Dean nodded and pushed away from the table. Dropping the paper towel into the trash, he joined Cas in his lean against the counter. Dean crossed his arms over his chest, tucking his left hand out of sight. He crossed his naked feet at the ankles, drawing Cas’s attention downwards, temporarily.

Cas looked away.

“So, I don’t know how much you heard, or even how much of what you heard made sense but…” Dean looked down and wiggled his toes. Cas was arrested by the movement once more. “I was married last time we met… got divorced soon after, actually. When I came home to find my husband… my mate… sleeping with my grandfather.”

Cas drew in a sharp breath. “He cheated on you? Wait, with your  _ grandfather?!” _

“I know! Right? I mean, who  _ does _ that?” Dean’s arms dropped from their crossed position to gesture wildly for a brief second, before settling in his hair. “I intended on asking Michael if he was ready to try starting a family when I got back from my trip. Only, before I got home, we’d gotten into an argument. I rushed home, worried about us, y’know? Only to find them…  _ together.  _ I couldn’t believe my eyes but, there they were – in flagrante!”

“You actually caught them in the act?” Cas asked, surprised.

“That’s how most cheaters are caught, man,” Dean noted with a weary sound.

“They don’t sound like they went about it with any smarts,” Castiel said. “I mean, it’s almost like they planned on getting caught.”

“I kinda think you’re right. Me and Michael – we’d been best friends in high school, then something a little more. Got married right after, y’know. Been together a while but, we’d been growing apart, even if I didn’t fully realize that then. Still, it was… we were comfortable, I thought. Never really believed all that stuff about love at first sight or that there’s only one true love out there for everyone. Too many people wind up unhappy for it to be true.” Dean said softly. “I think, in my heart, I already knew we were done but I didn’t want to admit it. Maybe if I had, we could have parted on more amicable terms. As it is… what if I drove him to it? I was always gone, Cas, for my work, and I think Michael hated it.”

Cas longed to lean in closer and give him some measure of comfort, but he held himself back. “I don’t know, Dean. Seems to me, if two people really care about each other, distance shouldn’t matter. It’ll make things harder, sure, but these days, there are so many ways to alleviate the issues that come with that.”

“Hmmm…” Dean acknowledged, neither agreeing or disagreeing with Cas. That was all right. It was likely something Dean would have to think about. Cas wouldn’t be offended.

“So that was your ex on the phone earlier?” Cas asked hesitantly.

“Yeah,” Dean sighed. “Michael wants my help. Well, first he asked if there was a chance for us, but I think we all know the answer to that one.” He snorted.

“Yes, that does sound like something he should have already known the answer to,” Cas agreed. “What did he need help with?”

Dean winced and looked away from Cas. “Well, uh… turns out, he’s pregnant. It’s Samuel’s, of course – “

“Your grandfather?” Cas asked, eyes widening.

“Yeah,” Dean breathed. “And the fucker just left Michael high and dry, pretty much. Which, you know, not a big shocker. Man’s only ever cared about one thing – and that was Mom. When she died, he got so… twisted or something. I honestly don’t know what’s up with him. You’d think he’d have been grateful to have grandkids, a part of Mom still alive, y’know? But he just… Dad was lost without Mom but Samuel just got all sorts of fucked up and he used to take it out on us. But until I came home to see him with Michael, I never knew the lengths he’d go. And so,  _ now _ , Michael’s alone and pregnant and doesn’t know what to do and that’s why he was hoping I’d come back. I can’t do that, Cas… but…”

“But you want to help him?” Cas asked shrewdly.

Dean nodded.

“What will you do?”

Shrugging, Dean sighed. “I don’t know. I mean, I’m gonna help, I just don’t know how yet.”

They stood there in silence for a few moments, Cas unsure what to say. Dean shifted and only then did Cas realized they were leaning against each other. He forced himself not to jerk back, if only because Dean seemed vulnerable right now and might take it badly. Cas couldn’t even remember who’d leaned into who – if it had been Dean, then maybe he needed this? So no, Cas couldn’t pull away (not that he  _ really  _ wanted to anyway), but his face burned hotly at the warmth seeping into his side. And at how much he enjoyed the contact.

“You know something strange? I don’t even hate Michael,” Dean murmured.

Cas blinked in confusion. Surely, he’d heard that wrong?

“I mean, sure, I hate what he  _ did _ . And who  _ wouldn’t  _ have been pissed when they found out? But I didn’t hate  _ him _ . My grandfather, on the other hand…”

“I don’t understand. Why not? What he did was…” Cas’s question trailed off, unsure if he should be prying. He still couldn’t believe  _ family _ would do something like that to one of their only living relatives. That kind of pettiness and rancor was unfathomable to Castiel. He felt that Dean had every right to be mad at his grandfather. What he didn’t understand was why the Alpha wasn’t angrier at his ex. Most Alphas viewed an act like that as the ultimate betrayal.

“Yeah, well, the more I think about it, the more I realize that… it was probably my fault. At least partially.” Dean ran a hand through his hair.

“How is it- how could it  _ possibly  _ be your fault?” Cas asked. Thinking about it, he realized that Dean had already said much the same thing. In fact, as the next few moments showed Cas, as much as Dean thought he’d gotten over this, he really hadn’t.  The Michael situation really bothered him, else he wouldn’t be reiterating most of the things he’d already said. Cas, already listening closely so he could help Dean, intensified his attention, trying to pick things out, though he really wasn’t sure  _ how  _ he could help. But he wanted to try. For some reason, it hurt to think of Dean hurting.

_ Not for some reason. You already know why, _ he thought at himself in frustration and hopelessness.  _ God, I’m so lost _ .

“Well… I mean… we were high school sweethearts – I think I said, right? And I just, I think I did him a disservice agreeing to mate and marry him. I never believed in, y’know, the kind of love you hear about in songs or, or see on TV, right? And what we had was comfortable,” Dean admitted.

Cas’s heart sank at the frank admission. Yet another reason he and Dean would never work out.  Dean didn’t believe in love and Cas couldn’t settle for anything less. Not again. Too bad he was already falling for Dean even though he was certain it was way too soon. 

_ Am I  just that lonely that I’d latch onto the first halfway decent Alpha I’ve met? No, he’s more than ‘halfway decent’ _ .  _ God, I have to keep myself from falling even further. I’m already going to be a mess when he leaves. _

“Eventually, though, I could tell he was unhappy. I figured it was me and,” Dean gave a bitter laugh. “And I was right, but for the wrong reasons. I can’t help thinking, what did I miss? What signs did I ignore? How many times did Michael try to talk to me about us and I just wasn’t listening? Was this the only way he could figure to get it through my thick skull that he didn’t want to be with me anymore?”

“Dean,” Cas tilted his head and leaned in, letting his instincts take over and placing his hand on Dean’s shoulder. As soon as his fingers touched Dean, Cas wanted to yank his hand away, afraid he’d been too forward in his want – no, his  _ need –  _ to comfort Dean. “Dean, it was  _ his  _ decision,  _ his  _ choice to do what he did. There had to be a million ways to tell you he wanted out without resorting to what he did. That he  _ chose  _ to go about doing so in the worst possible way is on him, not you, no matter what other blame you think you might have had.”

“Pretty sure hiring someone to kill me would have been the  _ worst _ possible way,” Dean snorted as he pointed that out.

Cas rolled his eyes at Dean. “I think you watch too many crime dramas.”

Dean laughed and knuckled at suspiciously wet eyes.

The tears didn’t fall, though, and Cas felt good for having broken Dean out of his melancholy.

“You’re all right, Cas,” Dean chuckled. “Thanks, man, for listening. For letting me vent without a lecture. My brother means well but I almost always get some sort of lecture.”

“Sounds like we have something in common then.” Cas said simply. At Dean’s questioning look, Cas continued with a shrug. “We both have well-meaning brothers that usually cause us to feel worse.”

Suddenly realizing he was still grasping Dean’s shoulder, Cas let his hand drop into his lap. He felt the loss of the warmth almost immediately. He leaped up and grimaced.

“Um, I need to…” Cas shuffled back a few steps and pointed towards his office. “Should really get back to… working. Deadlines, you know?”

“Oh god, yeah, I know how those are. Don’t worry, I’ll let you get into the groove and I’ll just sort through some more photos, explore the property more. See what ideas I can come up with.” Dean waved him off and Cas practically ran to his office, having to force himself to slow down so he wouldn’t look like he was  running away from Dean.

Even if that was exactly what he was doing.

* * *

 

**DEANS POV**

Dean walked through the woods out back of Cas’s house, along one of the trails that they’d been slowly forging with repetition. Leaves crunched underfoot, his camera slung about his neck.

His phone burned in his pocket as the most recent call with Michael weighed on his mind.

_ “Dean, please… I can’t do this alone. I can’t be a dad!” Michael had begged. “Just say yes!” _

_ “Michael, no. I already told you, I’m not coming back to you. Whatever we’d had… it’s gone, man. You made sure of that. Maybe it was already going, I dunno. But we’ve passed the point of no return,” Dean had replied, sighing wearily. _

_ “I’ve got no one else,” Michael had whispered. _

Dean knew Michael was right, but he wasn’t going to back down. Still, he missed the friendship they used to have. If they could have at least parted on amicable terms, they could have still had that.

He wanted to help, but he couldn’t do what Michael was asking.

_ “No, Michael. I can’t tell you any plainer. We. Are. Done.” _

_ “Dean, if you can’t help me… I… I’m thinking about an abortion.” _

_ Dean’s stomach had lurched. _

_ “I thought that was against your values?” Dean had accused.  _

_ The number of arguments they’d had, where Michael had refused to see that there were times and occasions that warranted such consideration had been numerous. Not that it was something Dean could personally have done, should it ever have been possible for him to be pregnant, but that wasn’t the point. _

_ “What else am I going to do?” Michael had asked desperately. _

_ “You could give the kid up for adoption!” Dean had argued. _

_ “To who? Some stranger?” _

_ Dean had chuckled sadly. “You’ve sure changed your tune.” _

_ “I… might have realized I’ve been wrong about a few things.” Michael had whispered, and he had seemed a touch wistful, too.  _

_ “Look, let me think on it all right? I’ll see if I can come up with an alternative,” Dean had said. “I’ll get back to you.” _

_ “Yeah, sure.” Michael had sighed despondently and hung up. _

Dean wasn’t surprised that Samuel took off the moment Michael had told him he was pregnant. Truly, Dean was amazed Samuel had stuck around as long as he had. If Michael had only gotten pregnant within the last few months, then Samuel had actually stayed with him. Dean didn’t understand the thinking behind that. Or… had he only been ‘helping Michael’ through the divorce? Did Samuel really think that Dean was that broken hearted about it all?

_ Huh, maybe that’s why Samuel stuck around. To try and make sure any possible relationship I could still have with Michael crashed and burned. Only he didn’t count on Michael getting pregnant and since he didn’t really  _ **_want_ ** _ Michael…  _

It had surprised Dean, learning that Michael didn’t want kids. Dean was sure he’d always been clear about the idea that one day, he’d wanted a family, and he could have sworn Michael had wanted kids when they first mated. How had two people drifted so far apart that they didn’t even know these basic things about each other? 

Dean came to a stop as a thought occurred to him suddenly.

_ Could I raise the baby myself? If Michael doesn’t want the baby, I could claim it. _

The idea excited him – he’d be a dad! - but then he bit his lip worriedly.

_ But as a single dad, could I do that and still do my job? There’d have to be less traveling, I suppose, but I’d already been looking into that. _

He resumed walking, his thoughts circling as he did. The idea of taking in the baby began to excite him, but the idea of being a single father scared the shit out of him. He’d have to settle down somewhere. Before everything with Michael, he’d known where that would be. But now, he was loose, a leaf on the wind… Dean snorted as he realized the analogy had come from the leaves blowing across his path.

Following the path of the leaves, Dean realized how comfortable he felt here, on the paths he walked often with Cas and Lia.

He didn’t want this to end, whatever this was.

Despite years with Michael, Dean had never felt so at home as he did here – and yet, what  _ were _ he and Cas? Acquaintances? Business associates? Friends, at the very least? Dean doubted there could ever be more than that.  Cas had looked so  _ done  _ with it all. He’d been too upset. But would Cas at least  _ want  _ to stay connected with Dean once this was over? As much as Dean wished that Cas would, he had the sinking feeling that he meant nothing to Cas.

That didn’t make his desire to stay any less.

There wasn’t much to do in the small-town Cas had come to reside in, Dean had to admit. But there was no end to the picture opportunities he managed to find and it seemed perfect. Though how much of that was due to Cas and Lia?  

He captured many pictures of Cas while he was working. He even managed to get a few without the telltale sadness that Dean couldn’t help but see all the time now and wished he could dispel. He helped Lia with her homework despite Cas’s protest that Dean didn’t need to do that, hadn’t  _ agreed _ to do that. They had what would probably count as family nights if they were actually a family: playing board games, going out to the movies, marathoning tv shows – even going out to eat together! 

Dean loved the area; when he wasn’t working, he went on long hikes. Sometimes he went with Cas and Lia, and other times all on his own.  

He felt free. Freer and happier than he had in  _ years _ .

It was perfect and everything he’d been missing with Michael. Dammit, but Sam had been right. Dean and Michael had just been going through the motions, staying together out of loyalty and loyalty alone.

_ I’ve been spending too much time out here alone, lost in my thoughts. _ Dean turned and started trudging back to the house and when he broke free of the tree cover he stopped and stared at it. His heart felt lighter than it had on the entire walk.

This was where he wanted to settle down. Here, with Cas, with Lia.  _ Fuck. _ Why did he always want the unattainable?

Unlike the front yard, which was mostly clean because Cas felt it ought to be, the backyard had all different sized leaf piles for Lia to play in. With the wind, though, the piles often had to be remade. Dean didn’t mind helping Cas with that. Watching Lia play was a joy.

The end of Dean’s time here with Cas and Lia was looming way too close for comfort, with Dean still no closer to an answer about whether or not Cas would even want to continue talking after it was over, let alone anything more.

But maybe, just maybe, if he decided to settle down out here… sure, it was out of the way, but get him a good internet connection and he could make it work. He could do all the things he’d been planning to before and set up a studio. He’d still do photography, take special bookings and local ones, but eventually, he could hire a crew for the things that required a lot of traveling while he did post production work. He had enough saved up for all that. Plus, Michael had bought him out for Dean’s half of the house, so his savings had increased greatly. He had the capital to do it. He  _ could  _ do this.

But should he?

Would this be considered stalking? Moving to this town just to be closer to Cas?

_ No, because I’m not going to push him. I’m not going to force myself on him. I just, there’s me and there’s Sam and otherwise, I have few friends. I love my brother, but he’s smothering in a well-meaning way. I do  _ **_not_ ** _ want to live that close to him. _

Dean snorted as he kicked the leaves around him.

_ But I don’t want to live somewhere I don’t know anyone either. I don’t want to be alone. I hate it. _

Maybe that’s the reason he’d never really thought about leaving Michael. Fuck, what if that was the reason he was so fixated on Cas?

Dean came to a stop at the back door, hand frozen on the handle. No, what he felt for Cas was more than what he’d ever felt for Michael. He couldn’t explain or describe it but… he just  _ knew _ in his gut that it was.

W _ ow, that’s real romantic. _

He swallowed and twisted the knob, pushing in the door and walking inside. He found Cas in the living room with Lia. Had Dean been out walking that long? He hadn’t realized school had let out already. Cas’s head rose sharply as Dean stepped inside, Dean bringing the chill with him. He hurried to close the door behind him and keep in the warmth.

“Sorry about that,” Dean said with an apologetic and self-conscious shrug.

“No worries, Dean.” Cas smiled.

Dean stepped further inside, slinging his camera off his shoulder and onto the table by the door so he could take his coat off – accompanied by the hat and mittens he’d yet to return to Cas. To be honest, he didn’t want to. He’d learned that Cas had made them himself and it helped Dean feel a little closer to Cas. 

“You’re looking oddly determined and serious for having been out on a simple walk.”

Dean nodded, scraping his fingers through his now uncovered hair. “Yeah, I think I finally know what I’m going to do to help Michael. Probably stupid but…” Dean laughed a little. “I just hope Michael says yes. It’s a bit unconventional…  _ Hell! _ I’m sure Sammy will chew me out for even considering it, but I think it’ll work out for the best.”

Cas’s face went blank and Dean blinked. Now what had brought that on? What had he said?

“Are you sure that’s a wise idea?” Cas’s tone was neutral. 

Dean’s brain started whirling, but he still couldn’t place it. Without knowing what Cas was thinking, Dean would just have to trudge ahead and hope he didn’t hit a landmine – or that Cas would give him some sort of clue.

Dean shrugged. “Maybe not but… shit, I gotta call Michael. See what he thinks of the idea. Then I gotta figure out where to live.”

“You don’t have a place to live?” Cas said, surprised.

“Nah, been mostly living out of the car or crashing on my brothers couch since the con. Y’know? And I ain’t moving back in with Michael, that’s for sure.”

“Wait… I don’t understand, what are you doing?” Cas blinked at Dean.

Dean stared back before bursting out laughing, his knees weak with relief as he finally realized what Cas had been thinking. It was obvious he disapproved but his reaction felt like it had meant something more and it had Dean wondering…

“Holy fuck, no!” Dean nearly shouted the words, blurting them out without thinking before he froze.

He swallowed and looked at Lia, who wasn’t even paying the slightest bit of attention (thank god), and back at her father.

“Crap, sorry. Um. No, not going back to Michael. That was over a long time ago, and I was just dumb enough not to see it.”

“I wouldn’t say dumb…” Cas protested.

“Nah, you can say it. I totally was. No, man, I’m taking a page from your book. If I can’t have a family the traditional way, I’m gonna make one of my own. Got any tips for single fathers?”

Dean quirked a lopsided smile at Cas and watched this face go through several layers of emotions, with understanding finally dawning on the man's face.

“Oh, so you’re going to…” Cas breathed out. “Dean, that’s w onderful!”

“I’m glad to know there’s someone on my side about this - I am  _ not  _ looking forward to the phone call I need to have with my brother. I have a feeling I’m about to endure the lecture of the century… I mean, he won’t be wrong. I guess it’s a little weird to adopt what is essentially my own uncle?” Dean shrugged before beaming at Cas. “But he’ll get over it. So, about that advice?”

Cas let out a breath, rolling his eyes at Dean. “You don’t ask the easy questions, do you?”

“I’m a Winchester, nothing's ever easy.” Dean snorted.

“Are you gonna be a daddy?” Lia asked suddenly, looking up with wide eyes, her excitement shining vividly in them. 

She’d apparently been paying more attention than Dean had thought. He sure as hell hoped she wasn’t the type of child to repeat his bad words. Any kid of Cas’s, though, he was certain wouldn’t. The man was a wonderful father.

And it could be Dean’s imagination, but it felt like the whole room was being lit up from his announcement as he continued to grin stupidly while both Cas and Lia seemed to mirror his expression. Their scents nudged over the top of the neutralizer and he became giddy on all the happiness he could smell.

“Yeah, I guess so…” Dean answered with a laugh. “Holy shi--crap, Cas! I’m gonna be a dad!” 

“Congratulations, Dean.” Cas’s smile widened and his eyes crinkled at the corners. “You won’t regret it.”

“I better call Michael,” Dean repeated, “make sure he’s okay with the idea before I start making all sorts of plans.”

“That does sound wise,” Cas agreed. “Why don’t you call him while I get dinner ready?”

“Meatloaf?” Lia jumped up at Cas’s nod. “Can I help?”

Cas laughed, “Sure thing, poppet. Go wash your hands first.”

“Yes, Papa!”

She scrambled to her feet and darted off out of sight, Cas and Dean staring after her.

“You won’t regret it, Dean,” Cas said softly. “She’s worth everything.”

Dean’s heart swelled at the words, watching the obvious love and affection Cas had for his daughter - a child that wasn’t even his by blood, but was his in every other way. 

He hoped he could forge bonds of love even half as well as Cas did.

 


	9. A Change of Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Dean's decision made, Cas finds himself making an offer he _knows_ is a bad idea...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a brief allusion to the idea of abortion and how that hurts Cas to think of...

**CAS POV**

Cas nearly had a heart attack when Dean had come in and made his startling announcement. The rush of relief he experienced when Dean clarified was so strong, he was surprised Dean hadn’t smelled it.

Despite the relatively short time Cas has spent in Dean’s presence, he felt irrevocably changed. A constant longing rocked through him so strongly it was shocking. And it wasn’t just for sex (though he could imagine how wonderful that would be with Dean – there was no denying the attraction he held there) but for  _ this _ . What they already had. 

It felt like they were already a family.

He couldn’t understand how it had happened.

Surely, something like this couldn’t possibly have happened so fast? Biology aside, Cas had never had much faith in love at first sight. He did believe in true love, unlike Dean, but he had no faith he’d ever be able to find his.

So why did it feel like he was in love with Dean? Not just falling, but already fallen, despite all his intentions and self-admonishments?

He had this crazy urge to offer his home to Dean, to open up his heart and hearth to the Alpha and the unborn pup.

It was absolutely insane. Cas could barely cover how strongly he wanted to ask Dean to stay as he discussed Dean’s future with him.

Now alone in the kitchen, as Dean presumably went upstairs to call Michael while Lia washed her hands, Cas gathered the ingredients to the meatloaf recipe he loved. He’d found it on the back of a box years ago and now he never tried any other way.

He pulled out the ground meat, eggs, ketchup, breadcrumbs and onion mix. By the time he’d grabbed a mixing bowl and measuring cups, Lia returned, wiping her hands on her pants and eager to start.

Soon they both were knuckles deep, mixing everything together. It was gooey and messy and all-around fun.

“Papa – is Dean and his baby gonna come and live with us?”

Lia’s question was so innocent and so unexpected that he froze and blinked down at the little blonde head beside him.

Cas cleared his throat and tried to affect a normal voice. He wasn’t too sure he pulled it off, but at least only Lia was there to hear him. He was sure he’d be a dead giveaway if anyone else had heard the wobble in his words. “Uhhh… why do you ask?”

“I like Dean.” The look she threw him was exceedingly happy and his heart skipped painfully.  “And you like him and he likes you too. He could be my new daddy and then I could have a little brother or sister.”

Why had she never asked him for a brother or sister before? How long had she dreamed of having siblings that he could never provide?

“I don’t think Dean wants…” Cas trailed off, having a hard time focusing on her question and not how much her words had hurt him. How inadequate he felt. He shook his head and forced himself to move his fingers again. He breathed in, trying to ease the ache of longing in his chest.

“Doesn’t want what?” she asked, looking up at him with those bright, innocent eyes.

He looked away, his heart breaking.

He didn’t want to dash his daughter's hopes but he couldn’t keep letting her believe something would happen that was never going to happen. “Poppet, Dean’s just here on a job, remember? It’ll be over soon and then he’ll leave.”

“But I don’t  _ want  _ Dean to leave.” She pouted.

“I know that.” Cas cruelly stomped down the part of him that wanted to tell her how much he agreed with her. It wouldn’t make his resolve not to offer Dean a place to stay any easier to keep. “But you can’t force people to stay. If you do, they won’t be very happy. You don’t want Dean to be sad, do you?”

“No,” she said sullenly. Suddenly she turned and buried her face in his shirt. “But I don’t want you to be sad either.” She looked up at him with innocent eyes. “You should kiss Dean. Then he’ll want to stay and he’ll be happy and he’ll make you happy too, Papa!”

“Oh, if it were only that easy,” he murmured.

* * *

 

**DEAN POV**

Dean returned downstairs, a smile on his face and a lightness to his step. He tried to tell himself that was because he’d taken his boots off. As he ducked into the kitchen and took in the very domestic scene in front of him, warmth pooling in his chest, he knew that was an out and out lie.

He leaned in the doorframe, catching Cas sliding a glass dish into the stove after murmuring, “Step back, Lia, please.”

The little girl did, the apron she was wearing giving a small flair as she turned to sit on her stool and spotted Dean.

Waving gooey hands at him in excitement as if she hadn’t just seen him only fifteen minutes prior, she shouted, “Dean!”

“No running in the kitchen,” Cas reminded her, shutting the oven door and turning around. His face was flushed red, his eyes darting worriedly from Dean to Lia and back again. He covered it quickly before asking, “It went well, I take it?”

“Yeah, yeah it did.” Dean beamed even brighter now, he could feel his cheeks starting to hurt but he couldn’t stop.

“When’s the baby due?” Cas asked, turning around to face Dean.

“Honestly, not for a while,” Dean said, sitting down.

“Really?” Cas asked with some surprise. “Then why…? I’m sorry, it’s none of my business. Lia, go wash your hands again, you need to get all that raw meat off your skin. And wash them  _ good _ .”

“Yes, Papa!” She pushed her stool out of the way with her feet and ran out of the kitchen, obviously eager to get the greasy feel off her hands.

Dean chuckled. He couldn’t blame her. He watched her leave the room but quickly turned back to Cas who was busying himself with cleaning up the counter. Cas had stopped himself from asking, but Dean didn’t really mind talking about it all – at least, not with Cas.

“Well, yeah. Guess he was panicking a little bit – needed to figure out what to do fast, otherwise he’d miss his opportunity.” 

“Opportunity to what?” Cas turned and looked at Dean, tilting his head.

It was painfully obvious when it hit him what Dean had meant. Cas’s eyes widened, a small gasp breaking out before Cas covered his mouth, tears welling up in his eyes.

_ Fuck, I am an insensitive prick.  _ With a few thoughtless words, Dean had  _ caused  _ Cas pain he’d never wanted to cause. He couldn’t help but try to sooth that hurt by pulling an unresisting Cas into his arms.

“Shit, Cas, no, no, no! He’s not going to do it, okay?” Dean wasn’t sure he could imagine just how horrible Cas must feel, knowing that while his biology had turned against him, there were others out there who still had choice.

Knowing Cas, it probably made him feel guilty as hell.

“He’s desperate, lost, but he’s not going to do it.”

“Is that why you’re taking the child?” Cas’s voice was muffled in Dean’s shirt but Dean heard every word clearly.

“To be honest? It’s one reason, yeah, but I mean. I’ve always wanted kids and… I feel like I’ve missed my opportunity, you know?”

“There’ll always be others, Dean…”

Dean looked away but tightened his arms around Cas. “I dunno, man. I’m not sure that’ll ever happen. So, I’ll take my happiness where I can get it.” 

The only one he wanted was Cas, and he didn’t know if he could ever convince Cas to give him a chance.

“Look, I’m sorry about what I said. I didn’t mean to rub it in your face… after what you told me. It’s gotta hurt. I’m really very sorry.”

“I know you are, Dean. And I know you didn’t mean anything by it.” Cas drew away and stepped to the sink. “I hope I didn’t get your shirt greasy.” He turned on the tap water and turned it to scalding and soaped up his hands, running them under the fast running spray. Cas’s voice was shaky as he asked, “So how long, exactly?”

“Hmm… 7 months I think he said?” 

Dean didn’t have to think about it. Omega’s found out quicker than anyone else that they were pregnant and Michael had known fast. After bringing it up to Samuel and getting ditched, followed by panicking for a couple of weeks, he’d finally called Dean with 7 and a half months to go. He’d been texting Dean nearly every other day for an answer ever since, understandably anxious about the whole thing.

“Oh, well, that’s plenty of time to find a place to live and get it set up. Will you be spending it with him?” 

Cas’s face was unreadable and Dean wrinkled his nose trying to keep himself from inhaling to get a hint of what Cas was thinking.

“Hmm…” Dean shuddered instead. “No, I’d rather not, except maybe for some of the important stuff? But on the whole, I’d rather stay away, send him financial aid for the medical expenses, and then take the baby when it’s born.”

“In that case –” 

Dean watched as a strange look came over Cas’s face. He stood too close to that damn neutralizer and Dean couldn’t get a read on him at all. 

“Why not make it a little easier on yourself – you can stay here after the job’s up and use it as a… a home base if you will so you can take your time finding the right place.”

“Cas, you don’t have to do that,” Dean said in surprise. He was touched that Cas would offer, and he really,  _ really  _ wanted to say yes. It was everything he could want – Cas keeping Dean in his life. But was it the right thing to do?

“I know, Dean, but I’m offering anyway,” Cas said firmly

With that, the conversation seemed to be over.

* * *

 

**CAS POV**

After dinner, they settled in the living room. Cas sat on one side of the couch, Dean on the other, with Lia in the middle as they watched Moondor. Dean and Lia eagerly watched the show while Cas just… drifted, taking in nothing. Occasionally he glanced away from the tv to stare at Dean but forced his gaze away before he was noticed. Thankfully, the neutralizer sprays he kept in each room would block Dean from scenting his conflicted emotions.

His stomach twisted in knots and he couldn’t believe he’d done it: he’d asked Dean to stay as long as he needed to while he looked for a place to live. Depending on how long it took, Dean could be staying a while -- a temptation Cas couldn’t pursue! Why had he made that offer?!

Another surreptitious glance at the adorable Alpha, the smiles and grins of a happy Lia as she crowed right along with Dean, and he didn’t have to ask why. He knew why. He also knew it would end in heartbreak. But as stupid as this was, Cas couldn’t regret it. At least not now. Maybe later, when it was too late to save his heart.

He ignored the voice that reminded him it was already too late.

* * *

 

“You asked the  _ photographer _ to move in with you?! Cassie, you barely  _ know _ the guy!”

Cas bristled. “Isn’t it  _ you _ who always says I have to give folks a chance? That I give up too easily? Even if there were anything going on between us – which there  _ isn’t _ \- aren’t you being hypocritical, Jimmy?”

Jimmy scoffed on the other end of the phone and grumbled. “Yeah, give people a chance, meaning go on dates and get to know them, let them get to know the awesome person you are. Not shack up with someone you’ve known less than a month.”

“He’s already here, Jimmy. The best way to know someone  _ is  _ to live with them, and so far, Dean has been an exemplary houseguest,” Cas insisted.

There was silence from Jimmy for a good three minutes and Cas wondered if the call had dropped. He pulled the phone away from his ear to look at it and then held it up again. “Jimmy?”

“Yeah, I’m just… trying to wrap my head around this, okay? This Dean, he’s the the same guy that was there at the convention last year?” Jimmy asked, a strange tone in his voice.

“Yes, I’ve already told you all this.” Cas pinched the bridge of his nose and refrained from rolling his eyes. It wasn’t nearly as satisfactory an action when there was no target to appreciate it.

“Okay.”

“Okay, what?”

“Just, okay. Do your thing, Cas, and good luck. Oh, and keep me posted how it goes.”

Cas hung up, feeling strangely reassured by the odd conversation with his brother.

* * *

 

After that, life… kept moving on.

As Cas had suspected, the adjustment to Dean continuing to live with them when the month was over was minimal. Dean would spent his afternoons with his laptop at the kitchen table going through his photos and emailing the publicist. Cas would find himself picking his own laptop up from his office and joining him, the two working in a companionable silence. Occasionally, one would send a smile the other’s way, or refill their coffee or tea. There was just something about being in Dean’s presence that made Cas happier.

Of course, the days when Dean would be gone for a few hours – off on local photoshoot he’d found or looking for places that could be used as a house, a studio, or even a place that could double as both - were the days Cas never left his study at all and missed Dean like crazy.

It was worse when Dean left to drive back to his brother’s house for Christmas, leaving him feeling almost… empty. He wasn’t the only one either . Lia was upset that Dean wouldn’t be spending Christmas with them, but happy when she and Cas flew out to spend Christmas with Jimmy, Amelia, and Claire.

When Dean returned, a few days after they did, he brought a trailer with the rest of his stuff he’d been storing at his brother’s.

Cas offered to let him store his stuff in the attic, or one of the spare rooms to save even more money, but Dean put his foot down. Much to Cas’s dismay, Dean found a storage unit and placed all his things there, insisting that he was going to be concentrating on baby stuff, and that would quickly fill up Cas’s space until Dean could find his own place.

It was a splash of ice cold reality. Dean wouldn’t be staying with Cas and Lia permanently, so it made sense to store his stuff elsewhere. Cas understood it but didn’t have to like it. He put on a good face though. He was good at that.

“Well, when that day comes,” Cas said with a pang, “I can help you assemble the baby furniture if you like. I have a little bit of experience.”

Dean grinned at him. “Thanks, Cas. I’ll be sure to take you up on that.”

* * *

 

February. It was already February. Dean had been living with them for 4 months already, three months as a regular housemate and not for his job. If only Dean's staying was permanent. If it was, if Dean was his... 

Cas sighed and wrenched his eyes away from the calendar just as Dean came down the stairs looking a little upset.

“Dean? What’s wrong?” Cas half rose from his chair but Dean shook his head and waved him back.

“Nothing… I’m fine,” Dean said weakly, shoving his phone into his pocket and heading for the fridge.

“Was it Michael? Is the baby okay?” Cas asked. 

He’d been hesitant at first to inquire too often or too closely but Dean had encouraged Cas’s questions and had even volunteered things on his own. Dean had planned for a phone call with Michael that day to talk about the latest baby appointment and other necessary items that Dean needed to push through for an official adoption.

Cas had thought it was wonderful how Michael didn’t seem to begrudge Dean this.

“I don’t get it, man! What the fuck is my grandfather’s problem with me?” Dean slammed the fridge shut in his agitation, not even noticing how everything that sat on top rattled as he did so. “He hated my dad so much that Dad and Mom eloped. He avoided us even when my Mom was alive. He cut off his whole family because of my dad. I mean, who does that? And now they’re both gone. He can’t reconcile with Mom, and the man he hated is no longer standing in his way, so why is he taking out his anger on me and Sam?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand people much either. Why do you think I’m a recluse, Dean?”

Dean snorted. “Not a total recluse, Cas.”

“Thank you, though I fear it’s close enough.” He shrugged. “So, what did he do this time? I would think he’s done just about as much as any man could have already.”

Dean snorted again, the sound less amused this time. “He wants to deny me the baby.”

Cas blinked. He hadn’t expected that. “What? Why?”

“I dunno,” Dean sighed and held his head in his hands, his hands braced on the table. “You’d think the fact that he walked away from Michael and their baby would mean he had no right to deny me anything, but apparently”--Dean’s lips twisted, his already sour scent becoming hopeless--“Michael let it slip that I was the one planning to adopt the baby.”

“Well, if nothing else, I would think your ex finally understands that Samuel has it out for you,” Cas said finally.

“Thanks, Cas.” Dean lifted his head with a small smile.

Castiel felt his stomach flutter. “For what?”

“For helping me find a silver lining.”

“Oh, I’ve had a little practice, I suppose. What are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know,” Dean shrugged, “I’m not the baby’s father. Samuel is. I don’t have any rights here.”

“Surely he gave up those rights when he took off. In fact, I think, if it came down to it, a case could be made about how he’s trying to ruin your life. He wrecked your mating –” Cas held up a hand “I know, you don’t regret it, but the fact remains that it was intentional and he succeeded.”

“I don’t know, Cas, it’s not like Samuel ever called me up to gloat about it.” Dean shook his head, despair leaking through his scent.

It hurt to smell it, so thick in the room. Cas closed his eyes, throat tight. He knew all too well what it felt like to want a child so bad and to have that hope taken away from him.

“I think I’ll just have to accept the possibility that this will fall through.” Dean said, in a softer voice.

Cas opened his eyes, and sought out Lia to ease the tightness in his chest. He didn’t know what else to say to Dean and a few moments of awkward silence later, Dean stood up and engaged Lia with patently false cheer.

Soon, the two of them were lost in a board game, while Cas was lost in thought. Dean didn’t think he had any rights, but surely something could be done?

He thought about it a long while, off and on for a few days, as he tried to figure out what he could do to help – followed by who best to approach to get that help – and finally, ultimately, if he should. It would be somewhat intrusive to do what he was thinking of, and he was uncertain of how it would go over with Dean.

He’d talk it over with Jimmy first and get a gauge on whether or not he should.

* * *

 

“You’re gone on him, aren’t you?”

“Jimmy,” Cas said warningly.

“Tell me I’m wrong, Cas? Tell me you aren’t absolutely smitten and I’ll back off,” Jimmy demanded.

Cas remained silent.

“That’s what I thought.”

“Please, I want… should I do this?”

“Why not just ask him if he wants your help instead of going behind his back?”

“He doesn’t think there’s anything that can be done. There’s no reasoning with him at this time.”

“So, he gave up?” Jimmy asked incredulously.

Cas bristled, feeling the judgement even over the phone. “I know better than most how hard it is to think logically, or even have hope, in a situation such as this,” Cas growled.

“Cas, it’s not the same thing,” Jimmy’s voice gentled.

Cas bristled even more, flinching at the way his brother was treating him.

“Pain is pain,” Cas choked out.

“Okay Cassie, I’ll call Gabe. If there’s a way to help your Alpha, he’ll know it.”

“Thank you, Jimmy,” Cas said, hanging up with a sigh of relief. 

If Jimmy was willing to help him, this couldn’t be a bad thing, right? Hopefully Dean would agree when the truth came out.

Because Cas couldn’t bear the idea Dean might hate him for this, whatever the outcome.

  
  



	10. The Good News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who knew Cas's plan would lead to this? Tensions ramp up before an uneasy truce can be made...

 

**DEAN POV**

Dean looked despondently at the website. He’d bookmarked a number of things for Michael’s baby, but was hesitant to buy anything while Samuel contested the adoption. What if Dean bought all that stuff and then it just went to waste? Who did he know that he could even give it to, if it came to that?

He bit his lip, then sighed. 

He should be way more excited than he was, but all he felt was hopelessness. Samuel never let go of anything once he got his teeth in. What could Dean do?

Lia and Cas were both excited for him, though, almost as if it was  _ their  _ baby. Lia was too little to understand that Dean might lose the baby before he ever got him or her. Or… or maybe not? Dean wasn’t too certain. But in any case, Cas – Cas should’ve known better. 

Sometimes, he thought that Cas’s quiet support and Lia’s beaming enthusiasm were the only things keeping him from giving up on the baby all together. But even with their optimism, he couldn’t dispel that pool of dread completely.

His phone rang, snapping him out of his thoughts. Scowling at the unfamiliar number on his caller ID, he answered anyway.

“Hello?”

“Mr. Winchester?” the male voice was strong but unfamiliar.

“Yeah?” Dean asked, a frown forming on his face, his forehead knotting.

“Wonderful. I’m Cain Omund and I’ve got some good news for you.”

“Buddy, I’m not buying whatever you’re selling,” Dean said gruffly.

Goddamn telemarket ers. Now they went after people’s cell phones too! What the hell was up with that? At least on landlines,  _ he  _ couldn’t get charged for  _ their  _ frickin’ calls!

He made to hang up but the voice on the other end forestalled the action with just a few words. “I’m calling on behalf of your ex, Michael Swanson and the issue with the adoption of his baby.”

Dean blinked. Then blinked again. What? “Wait, who the hell are you?”

“Ah, you were unaware that I was helping with the legal issues concerning Samuel Campbell?”

“You could say that,” Dean said.

“I’m a lawyer at the Morningstar Law firm and I was doing a favor for a client of mine – one Gabriel Novak? Do you know him?”

“I don’t know a Gabriel Novak, but I kno w someone with the same last name. I’m going to assume they’re related.” Dean felt on uneven footing here, but the name started clearing things up.

“That would do it. It might interest you to know, Mr. Winchester, that Samuel Campbell will no longer be standing in your way of the adoption of Mr. Swanson’s baby. With Mr. Swanson’s permission, paperwork will be sent along shortly, if you could provide me an address where to send it to.”

The voice on the other side might as well have been an angel with the good news it was giving Dean.

“Oh, yeah, sure, no problem,” Dean said, rattling off the address quickly but clearly. “But I do have one question, about Samuel.” He swallowed and crossed his fingers. It would be too good to be true if Cain’s answer was no to his question, but he had to ask. He refused to get blindsided by Samuel further down the road. “Will, uh, will Samuel have any visitation rights to the baby? Will I have to share custody with him?”

“As a matter of fact, no. We’ve gotten Mr. Campbell on some pretty extensive abusive ‘charges’ for the things he’s done to his family – including you and your brother – over the years. A man like that should not be responsible for the raising of any child, even on a part-time basis.”

Dean felt relief wash through him. “And um… you can do that? I mean, I thought there’d be like, court shit to go through and everything.”

“Normally, yes. But we presented our evidence to Mr. Campbell and offered him a deal. He was wise enough to accept the deal and back off.”

Cain’s voice was smug and Dean couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

He was definitely liking it though!

He wasn’t going to inquire too deeply about this deal that his grandfather was offered. Dean didn’t want to know if anything shady was going on.

“Well, uh, thanks! This  _ is _ great news!”

“I thought you would want to hear it. Expect the paperwork to arrive in 3-5 business days. Goodbye, Mr. Winchester.”

“Yeah, thanks! Good”-- _ click-- _ “bye...?” Dean pulled the phone away from his ear and grumbled, “Well, that was certainly abrupt.”

He put the phone down beside him on the bed and stared at it.

He was going to be a dad.

A dad!

Holy fuck!

He had to tell Cas!

Dean slapped his laptop closed and shoved it off his lap, rolling off the bed and jumping to his feet. He almost tripped over the blankets he’d dragged with him, but he regained his balance and ripped open the door. He bounded down the stairs and skidded at the bottom of it, beaming so hard, he was sure Cas would think him a lunatic.

He still felt rather dazed despite his exuberance. 

He’d won. Samuel had dropped everything and signed off the paper relinquishing all Alpha rights to Michael’s baby. Now all Dean had to do was find a place to live and finish getting ready for the baby!

Feeling completely giddy, he entered the kitchen only to see Cas looking at him with hopeful wariness, the nervousness in his scent creeping through the neutralizer that Dean had found was becoming less and less effective.

“Good news, I hope?” Cas asked blandly, no hint of whatever nerves were currently causing Dean’s nose to wrinkle.

Dean nodded, then laughed. “Yeah,  _ great _ news. Samuel’s no longer standing in the way. Apparently, a man name d Gabriel Novak a rgued against him.” Dean watched carefully, but there was no surprise coming off Cas in any form, meaning… “You uh, have anything to do with that?”

“Gabe’s a cousin. I… might have made a call,” Cas’s words were slow, even. The nervous scent ratcheting up a little. “I’m sorry I went behind your back, Dean. I know it steps over a line but I – I know what it’s like to want a child and have that hope torn away from you, and I couldn’t let you go through that. If you can ever forgive – ”

“Are you kidding me? I’m not mad at you, Cas. In fact, just the opposite. I’m so ecstatic, I could kiss you!” 

Without thinking, Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel and did just as he said he would.  Dean couldn’t look away from Cas’s gorgeous blue eyes as he dipped his head the slight distance necessary for their  lips to meet.

Cas froze at the first brush of Dean’s lips on his. His eyes squeezed shut so hard a furrow appeared above them. His scent changed to one of hurt and sadness. 

Dean jerked back with wide eyes, heart pounding.

“Shit, I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have – ” Dean stammered.

Cas’s scent shifted again, devastation and rejection hitting Dean’s nose like a punch to the face. His face was blank and stoic, but his eyes told a different story; they were filled with pain and such utter hopelessness that it squeezed at Dean’s heart, constricting it painfully.

“It’s okay, Dean. I understand you were just excited. I won’t take it personally.” Cas’s voice was level, at odds with the scents Dean detected from him and the swiftness of his retreat.

Dean gaped, his hand hovering in midair in an attempt to reach for Cas, now aborted as Dean slowly registered that Cas was gone.

What had just happened?

* * *

 

**CAS POV**

Cas shut himself in his office for the rest of the day.

Why had Dean kissed him?! 

Cas finally knew the feeling of Dean’s lips on his – and it didn’t even mean a damn thing! He’d been happy, and Cas had merely been a convenient outlet.

The cursor on his document blinked and blurred as tears rolled down his face.

God, he was being pathetic. And needy. Dean had no obligations or interest in him. Why did he keep hoping when he  _ knew  _ better?

Hours passed as he stared unseeing at his screen, long since gone to screensaver mode. His lengthy bout of self-pity had led to a horrendous headache to match the ache in his heart.

Just what he needed, matching pain-filled bookends.

There was a tentative knock on his door, followed by Dean calling his name softly.

Cas raised his head from the desk.

“Yes?” he croaked out. He winced, glad Dean couldn’t see, as well as hear, how off he was.

“Uh, Lia’s home,” Dean said a little more loudly.

“Oh, yes, of course. Thank you, Dean. You know how I can get caught up in my… work,” Cas said, shifting his mouse to wake up the computer and wiping at his face.

The tears had long since dried, but he feared the evidence of them would be all over his face. He didn’t want Dean to feel bad that Cas wanted more than he could give.

“Tell Lia I’ll be right out, just after I save this…”

“No problem, man,” Dean said.

Footsteps receded down the hall. 

Cas sighed. Taking out his phone, he used the selfie function to check his face. Not too bad. He looked tired but that was normal enough even before he started pining after one Dean Winchester. He could make an appearance without feeling on display.

Maybe.

He sighed again and saved the document. He was damn certain he hadn’t actually added anything new to it, but he was more than a little paranoid when it came to his writing. Just in case he hadn’t saved it before he’d gone to the kitchen for his tea…

That he’d never gotten.

Cas closed his eyes and muttered a curse, wondering if Dean had noticed. Had he made the tea and left it behind? He couldn’t remember. But if he had, there was no way that Dean didn’t know  _ something _ was up. Cas swallowed and mentally crossed his fingers that he hadn’t actually gotten around to making the tea before standing up and moving to the door.

As soon as he left his office, Lia bounded over to him and launched herself into her arms, her mouth moving a mile a minute.

“Papa! Papa! Can I? Can I go? Please, please, please!!!”

She smelled excited and she was certainly a bouncy handful. It was contagious, making him laugh. He was glad; it helped to dispel some of the lingering hopelessness he still felt.

“I don’t know, poppet, can you? I’m not even sure what you’re asking about, Lia, you haven’t said yet,” Cas said, feeling his eyes crinkle up at the corners as he smiled down at his daughter.

“Arilyn invited me over for a sleepover tonight, Papa!”

“Did she now?”

“Yes, papa! Please? Can I? It’ll be my very first sleepover and I promise I’ll be good!”

Lia looked up at him with those wide, blue eyes that he always had such trouble saying no to. Cas could already feel himself caving. It was the first time she’d been interested in a sleepover, though it hadn’t been the first time she’d been invited to one. Lia and Arilyn had had many playdates together since he and Lia had moved here, and he knew Arilyn’s parents. They seemed like good people. Besides, it was Friday, so there wouldn’t be school the next morning. All in all, Cas just didn’t have a really good reason to tell her no. This would probably be good for her.

Even if it meant he’d be alone in the house at night with Dean for the first time. And right after Dean had kissed him!

He shook his head.  He couldn’t just keep her home just so he‘d have a buffer from Dean. Cas would just have to get over any awkwardness there himself.

He looked down to see Lia frowning, clearly concerned that his delayed response meant a ‘no’. He smiled at her reassuringly before adopting a stern expression.

“Well, I don’t know. Are you sure you want to?” he teased, making himself look as serious as possible.

“Papa!” she rolled her eyes, “ _ Yes _ , I’m sure!”

The exasperation was thick in her voice and Cas caught Dean chuckling from across the room. Cas’s stomach fluttered at the good-natured sound as well as the sight of Dean lounging on the couch.

Swallowing, a flush forming on his cheeks , Cas turned his attention back to his daughter, who waited impatiently for an answer.

“I suppose you can go then, if you’re sure. Let’s get you all packed up.”

“Yes!” She pumped her little fist in the air. 

Cas blinked in astonishment.

_ Where on Earth had she learned to do  _ **_that?_ **

The laughter from the couch grew louder and more boisterous before it was followed by a thump. Dean had fallen to the floor from laughing so hard. He looked momentarily stunned, then started laughing again. 

Well, that explained exactly where Lia had learned to display her excitement in such a manner. And that was no doubt why Dean was so amused by it.

Cas felt his heart sink. Lia had grown so attached to Dean. How would she feel when he was gone?

The fact that Dean would leave was inevitable. Cas had only prolonged it, but hadn’t stopped it.

Because he was an idiot.

“Hurry, papa! I don’t want to be late!” Lia called impatiently from the top of the stairs.

Grateful for the distraction his daughter provided him from his melancholy thoughts, Cas chuckled and dug out his phone. He quickly sent a text to check with Mrs. Bea. She answered nearly right away, and he tucked his phone away again, satisfied with her answer. It would seem Arilyn was also very eager for this sleepover.

Cas followed his daughter upstairs and amongst her excited chatter, he helped her to pack her backpack. Mostly, he allowed her to pick whatever she wanted, only reminding her of the things she would need if it appeared she would forget them. Like a change of clothes for the next day; she was so intent on picking which plushie she’d bring with her, she nearly forgot.

At least she’d remembered her pajamas, Cas thought with barely restrained amusement. He smiled, but managed not to laugh, not wanting his daughter to believe he was laughing at her.

“And Arilyn says that we can have a pretend camp out in her room – we’re gonna put up a tent and put lots and lots of blankets inside! – and we’ll get to have hot chocolate with marshmallows before bed and use flashlights and tell each other scary stories, and, and, and…” Lia paused to take a breath, huffing as she lifted her stuffed backpack to her shoulders, slipping her arms through the straps to carry it down the stairs.

“It sounds like you girls have a lot planned. I’m sure you’ll have a lot of fun,” Cas said fondly, following her back down the stairs. He took her backpack long enough for her to get her coat on and by then, the doorbell rang. Mrs. Bea only lived right next door, so he was unsurprised by her speedy arrival.

Only when he answered the door, there was no parent in sight. Arilyn stood alone. He pushed back the knee-jerk reaction to demand where her parents were or to walk the girls back himself. They weren’t going far and the girls were old enough to be independent.

He couldn’t help but feel uneasy about it, though. He supposed that was due to the prevalence of bad news on TV and the paparazzi experiences he’d had back  at their old place, causing him to become paranoid. ‘Helicopter parenting’ he believed it was called.

He watched his daughter and her friend join hands and skip out the door with barely a goodbye for Cas and Dean. He gave it a ten count, then poked his head out the door to watch them walk across the yard to Arilyn’s house. He could just manage to see it through the trees and there was no fence dividing the two properties.

He lost sight of them as they drew closer to the house, but seconds later, his phone chirped. He looked at it, relieved to find a text from Mrs. Bea telling him the girls were safe and sound. He quickly sent back a ‘thank you’ 

He turned inside and took a deep breath to prepare himself for the night. He found Dean had made himself scarce and he could not decide if he was more hurt or relieved.

He returned to his office, and jiggled the mouse again as he sat down. He sat staring at the screen. His mind was completely blank of everything it should be thinking of, filled instead solely with Dean.

As if thinking about Dean had summoned him, a mug was placed on Cas’s desk by his elbow and startling him out of his thoughts.

“Man, it must suck being on a roll and then getting interrupted,” Dean said, nodding at the screen.

Cas blinked up at him, his thoughts way too sluggish to catch Dean’s words right off.  _ What… oh! _

“Uh, yes, yes it certainly can be,” Cas agreed readily, not wanting to get into the real reason he wasn’t getting anything done – that reason being an over 6 feet of brown haired, green eyed, freckled Alpha.

“ Sorry for barging in. You left the door open. Anyway, just wanted to tell you, I ran to the store earlier and grabbed some stuff to make my special burgers for dinner – kind of a celebration for winning out over Samuel. You game?”

“Mmm… burgers do sound nice. What makes yours so special?” Cas asked with narrowed eyes.

“Can’t tell – that’s a secret!” Dean said. He grinned, a twinkle in his eyes, as he pushed away from leaning on Cas’s desk. “Are you hungry yet? I don’t remember you eating lunch today. I could start them now?”

Cas’s stomach chose that moment to growl and Dean laughed at Cas’s sheepish look.

“I’ll take that as a yes. I’ll let you know when they’re done.”

“Thank you, Dean, as always.”

“It’s no problem, Cas. Promise.” Dean smiled and left.

Cas felt his breathing hitch. The smile was so warm and beautiful – just like the rest of Dean.

He dropped his head into his hands and tried to get his breathing back under control. One of these days, his desire for Dean was going to far outweigh the effectiveness of the neutralizers he had in the common rooms and then Cas would really be in trouble.

Oh, who was he kidding?

He already was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I truly love all the art thedogsled has made me - this one isn't specifically mentioned anywhere, but i love where her inspiration took her, cause Cas would certainly have framed this an put it up in his office. :D at the end of all this, if you stuck around through the pining, make sure you all head on over to tell her how awesome everything was!!!


	11. Olive Branches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Dean finds Cas a peace offering - and does some of his own soul searching - Cas helps Dean to pick out baby things...

 

**Dean POV**

When Cas had beat a hasty retreat to work in his office – an odd change from how things had been these past few weeks, Dean’s stomach dropped. He’d definitely crossed a line when he’d kissed Cas. Fuck! What had been thinking?

The good mood he’d had only moments before now gone. Groaning, Dean moved towards the fridge, wondering if there was any way he could make it up to Cas.

And he tried to ignore the tingle on his lips from his ill-thought-out kiss.

He passed the corner of the kitchen Cas had turned into a tea station. It was a wooden, hand carved shelving unit about chest height. The bottom shelf held a large heavy planter with some room to grow. The second shelf had a variety of tea tins. Some, Dean had learned, were just as they were advertised, simple teas like Earl Gray or Chamomile. Others had some strange combinations that Cas had come up with on some website somewhere where you just sorta… mixed and matched? Dean shook his head bemusedly.

The third shelf up was filled with decorations – fancy little teapots and mugs that he’d never seen used,  most with pictures of bees on them . The next shelf held an electric tea kettle, Cas’s bee themed sugar bowl and a handful of his favorite, everyday mugs and some… what had Cas called those? Tea rests.

The last shelf held a weird assortment of tea things Dean didn’t even know the names of. There were strainer type things in various shapes and sizes as well as a couple more mugs – each filled with spoons and stirrers. And on every shelf were all these little odds and ends, some bee themed, some not.

All in all, it was very Cas, and Dean felt a bit of warmth every time he passed by it. Every time but this time. It was perfectly obvious that Cas had come out here to make some tea, and had even started doing so, yet Dean had so set him off his game that he’d booked it without the tea. Dean felt even worse than before.

He briefly considered finishing it for him and bringing it into Cas’s office but thought better of the idea. Cas probably needed some time alone to regroup from Dean’s actions, after all, and wouldn’t appreciate Dean barging into his sanctuary.

So yeah. Not gonna happen.

Dean pulled open the fridge and stared at its contents. Nothing looked appealing to him right that moment.

Wait. Today was the day he learned he’d be a dad. Mistake with Cas or not, today was  _ special _ , and special days needed to be celebrated. In the Winchester household, celebrations usually meant Dean’s specialty burgers. Since Cas had seemed to like burgers when they ate out, what if Dean went all out on making these?

Grinning, he shut the door and ducked out of the kitchen in search of his keys.

It was only a ten-minute drive to the grocery store – not bad for middle of nowhere.He parked the Impala and grabbed a cart. Moving quickly, he found all the necessary burger ingredients first, then started wandering in search for something for Cas specifically. Burgers, after all, was a  _ Winchester  _ tradition, not a  _ Novak _ one. If he was going to make it up to Cas, he needed something different, something special.

He huffed in frustration as he walked up and down every aisle. He wasn’t sure he wanted but he was sure he’d  _ know  _ when he saw it.

_ But what if I don’t? What if I only  _ **_think_ ** _ I know Cas well enough for something like this? I mean, how well  _ **_can_ ** _ you know someone after only a couple of months? If it were anyone else telling me they were in head over heels in love after just a couple of months, I’d be laughing my ass off. _

_ What makes Cas so  _ **_different?_ **

It was certainly a frustrating train of thoughts and the only thing that managed to break through to Dean was the completely random bee mug sitting by its lonesome in the grocery stores flex aisle that was usually used for seasonal items, more often than not. Most of the shelves were empty, caught between holidays, but there sat the lone mug, forlorn and forgotten. Where the mug had come from, Dean had no idea, but it was perfect. 

Cas’s kitchen had little bee Tchotchkes all over it, and this mug would fit in perfectly. It  was honeycombed all over, with soft indentations for the edges. Some of the honeycombs held flowers and others held bees, and there was a bee sitting on a flower at the top of the handle. The golden color was warm and flowing, the flowers were as blue as Cas’s eyes and the bees stood out nicely with their silvery wings and their black and yellow fur (did bees have fur? Did that count as fur? It looked furry to Dean).

Dean held his breath as he picked it up off the shelf. Were there any more? Crap, this was the last one.

Without a second thought, Dean put it right in his cart and headed for the check out.

It wasn’t until he’d loaded up the car that he began to regret the purchase. Cas had plenty of mugs and surely would think it silly that Dean had bought him yet another one. It wasn’t even all that expensive. What if Cas thought Dean was mocking him with it? He shook his head as he slammed the trunk shut. No, that was stupid. Cas wouldn’t ever think something like that. But maybe he’d think it was tacky…

Fuck, what should he do? Should he give Cas the mug or not?

_ God, I’m such a fucking coward. _

Dean pulled back into his usual space and shut off the engine. He glanced down at his watch, and his eyebrows shot up.

2 hours?! Had he spent  _ that  _ long at the store?! 

Dean double-checked his watch but the time hadn’t changed. He really had spent almost 2 hours looking for something to give Cas. And now he was debating whether or not to even give it him?

What was  _ wrong _ with him?

With a sigh, Dean got out of the car and carried the bags in, managing to make it all in one trip. He put everything away and paused. It was still too early to start the burgers, and he should probably wait till Lia got home, anyway, so she could be included. What should he do--

Shit.

He hadn’t told Sammy.

The happiest news in his life and he’d thought to tell Cas before his own  _ brother.  _ Dean nearly snorted. 

_ Guess I know where  _ my _ priorities lie. _

Taking his phone out of his pocket, Dean went back up to his room.

Sam picked up almost right away. “Hey, Dean, what’s up?”

“Samuel backed down,” Dean said breathlessly, the giddy feeling from earlier returning.

“Seriously? That’s great! I’m so happy for you!” Sam gushed.

Dean laughed. “Yeah, I can’t believe it!”

“Wow, I wonder what changed his mind?”

Shrugging, Dean dropped to the bed and leaned against the headboard. “Hell if I know. In fact, I’m not entirely sure something dirty didn’t happen. All I know is I got a call from some law firm telling me I was in the clear. That they ‘made a deal’ with him and Samuel took it.”

“That… does sound suspicious,” Sam said slowly. “Dean…”

“I’m not going to question it, Sam. I’m not involved, I know nothing - plausible deniability. Besides, it’s not like Samuel doesn’t deserve whatever the hell happened.” Dean was firm. 

“Yeah, okay.” Sam backed down. There was a pause in the conversation, and when Sam spoke again Dean could almost hear the smile spreading over Sam’s face. “Dude, this is  _ awesome _ . Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Dean huffed out.  _ What the hell did Sam mean by  _ **_that_ ** _? _

“I don’t mean it like that, man. I just mean… parenthood is tough enough with  _ two  _ parents. Are you sure you realize what you’re setting yourself up for?” Sam asked.

“Well, duh, of course I do. And anyway, what do  _ you  _ know about parenthood? You don’t exactly take your kids home with you.” Dean regretted the words almost instantly. 

Sam didn’t speak.

“Sorry Sam, that was uncalled for.”

“Apology accepted,” Sam said tightly.

Dean sighed and rubbed his forehead. “I just meant that… as much as you care for those kids you work with, you still go home. You don’t have to worry about midnight feedings or sudden fevers or turning your back for just a second. It’s… different. You have built in down time.”

“You’re right, it  _ is  _ different. But it’s no less worrisome, Dean. Instead of kids at home that I’m constantly worried about, probably one or two at the most, I have a host of kids that I work with that I know are in bad situations. I get to go home and wonder if Daniel’s gonna make it in to school tomorrow, or if Kaia’s gonna run away from another foster home and get moved out of the county because there’s no one left who’ll take her in. I know it’s my job and I shouldn’t take my work home with me but… I can’t help it, Dean,” Sam said softly.

“For what it’s worth, Sammy, I think you’d make a good dad.”

“Thanks, Dean.”

They spoke for a few more moments before Sam had to get back to work. Lunch break was over, apparently. Dean hung up and looked over at the clock. Lia would be home from school soon and Cas had been holed up in his office since Dean’s ill-conceived kiss. Hopefully the time had done him good and Cas wasn’t mad at him any more.

Either way, Cas wouldn’t be hiding once his daughter came home so maybe now was a good time to take out the mug and set it up at the tea station that Cas had created.

Dean paused outside the office door and listened but could hear nothing, not even the usual clack of keys. If Cas’s car hadn’t still been in the driveway, Dean might have thought he’d left.

Dean pressed on to the kitchen and made his way towards the tea station. It was probably Cas’s favorite part of the house. Which meant that he’d find Dean’s gift fairly quickly. Dean eyed the whole thing critically and finally decided to put the new mug on the same shelf with the teapot. It was the shelf with the most open space since it was the working shelf, where Cas set up and brewed his teas. Yes, that would do nicely. Dean hoped he’d be around when Cas noticed it, but he definitely didn’t want to call too much attention to it and make it weird.

_ I’m already making shit weird _ .

He placed the mug just as he heard the front door open and shut. He smiled in anticipation of Lia’s excitement. Dean wasn’t disappointed. She bounded in, still all bundled up, dropping her school backpack unceremoniously on the floor of the kitchen.

“Dean! Dean! I’m gonna go to a sleepover!”

“Are you now? I dunno, Lia. Your papa didn’t mention anything about a sleepover to me.” Dean’s lips twitched. “Does  _ he  _ know?”

She gasped and shook her head. “Oh no! Arilyn only just asked me today. Do you think he’ll say yes?”

“Only one way to find out. I’ll go check and see if he’s busy and send him your way, how does that sound?”

“Thank you, Dean!” she beamed.  He smiled at her fondly before doing as promised, Lia following right on his heels.

* * *

 

As a peace offering, Dean had made Cas a cup of tea – not in the new mug, of course, because he wanted Cas to find that on his own - and had told him about the dinner plans he’d tentatively made. Lia had left for her sleepover, and now Dean was alone with Cas once more. 

Which shouldn’t be weird, since they were alone together all the time. So why did it suddenly feel weird?

Dean set about making the burgers, with bacon of course, and tried to squash the idea that this was almost like a date.

The two of them had plenty of meals together and the idea that they might be dates had never occurred to him. Yet somehow, something about this one just  _ screamed  _ date to Dean. It was the oddest feeling and one he had to shove down brutally.

It wasn’t a date. It was two friends enjoying some quiet time together.

Dean just had to keep telling himself that until he believed it.

* * *

 

**CAS POV**

“You should get this – oh and that – and that,” Cas said excitedly, pointing at things as Dean scrolled. Cas was torn between holding back a chuckle and a groan as Dean bit his lip.

“I dunno, Cas. A  _ wipe warmer _ ? Isn’t that, y’know,  _ cheating? _ ” Dean asked, his voice low, as if he was speaking something forbidden.

Cas rolled his eyes. “How is it cheating?”

“Well, okay, maybe cheating wasn’t the best word. How about coddling?”

“Let me put it into perspective. Whether you think the baby should or should not have something as ‘frivolous’ as a warm wet wipe when cleaning their butt, I can promise you that  _ you  _ will be appreciative of the fact that you won’t be shocking your baby awake at 2 am when they  _ were _ still sleepy. They may have woken up just enough to be uncomfortable, but I assure you, a freezing cold wet wipe will more than wake them up,” Cas said.

Dean hung off his every word, as if Cas was the voice of experience when he only had ever had one child! But it was experience that Dean did not have, and Cas was glad to help where he could.

Dinner had gone well, not as awkward as Cas had feared it would be. The burgers had been just as good as Dean had promised and, even as filling as they had been, Cas had indulged with a second one. Dean had beamed proudly when he did. But it wasn’t until after they had finished cleaning the kitchen together that things had seemed to finally relax back into some sort of semblance of normalcy. After Dean had admitted he’d been trolling some websites for baby stuff, Cas had offered to help.  With a huge grin, Dean had dashed back upstairs before shortly rejoining Cas at the kitchen table with his laptop.

Now they were about two hours in. Cas always had a tendency to get lost while looking at baby things. First it had been wistfully, then with Lia to take care of, he’d done it gleefully. Now it was with equal parts of longing and eagerness that he helped Dean pick things out. He wished for what Dean was getting, but Cas couldn’t begrudge the happiness it would give his friend.

Cas got up to make tea. He checked the water level and turned on the kettle and that’s when he noticed the mug.

It was adorable, quite frankly. He’d never seen anything quite like it before. Cas picked it up and turned it around trying to imagine where it had come from. He heard a shuffle behind him and with the tiniest hint of an embarrassed scent coming to his nose, he turned to see Dean pointedly  _ not  _ looking at him as he fidgeted at the table, biting his lip. Cas looked down, turning the mug over in his hand, feeling warm and… and  _ fuzzy _ .

Dean looked awkward, almost like he didn’t want Cas to acknowledge the mug overtly, so he resisted the urge to question him about it and, instead, he took it to the sink to rinse before returning to the shelf to make it ready for tea.

“Would you like anything, Dean?” Cas asked as nonchalantly as he could.

Finally looking up, Dean shrugged. “Um, yeah, sure? I guess whatever you’re having.”

Cas nodded and set his mug down and reached for his usual go-to mug. The new one may very well replace this as his favorite mug, but it was a close thing. The old one was a simpler shape, tapering down some to towards the bottom, with a wide curving handle. It was made to look hand painted in a watercolor style – blue and white backgrounds for a fluffy, cloudy sky, and cartoonish black and yellow bees with bright white wings dominating the surface, the tips of sunflower petals could be seen rising from the bottom of the mug.

Soon, Cas set both mugs down on the table, pushed the blue bees mug closer to Dean, and curled his fingers around the new mug with a soft smile. It was little things like this that made Cas feel like he and Dean were already in a relationship.

He knew it couldn’t happen, but could he be blamed for just enjoying that feeling when it happened?

A soft noise caused him to look up. Dean wasn’t looking at him, but he was blushing – and wasn’t that adorable?  It made his freckles stand out quite nicely. Dean carefully, almost reverently, picked up the mug Cas had given him. There was a relieved, happy smile on his face and Cas knew Dean had gotten the message. The unspoken _ thank you _ for the thoughtful gift.

As they browsed websites, bookmarking anything remotely useful or adorable, an idea percolated in Cas’s brain. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea, but Cas couldn’t help but want to do it. The trick would be getting a hold of anybody Dean cared about for such a thing. Which meant it couldn’t  _ really  _ be a surprise, could it? But weren’t things like this supposed to be one? Cas frowned internally, trying to think.

Something nudged him in the ribs and Cas was broken out of his thoughts. He yanked his eyes away from the website they’d been perusing – apparently having seen nothing – to find Dean looking at him in concern.

“What’s up, Cas?”

“I was thinking…” Cas spoke slowly, still thinking his words through. “Would you like to have a baby shower? We could easily throw one here. I think these sorts of things are supposed to remain a surprise but I would need your help planning it, so I guess there goes the idea of a surprise.”

“Oh no, man, I don’t want to put you through the trouble –“

“But it wouldn’t be, Dean. I’d very much like to do this,” Cas said earnestly.

Dean looked down and blushed a bit. “Well, I, I don’t actually have a lot of people to invite and, um, if they’re gonna come out all this way, they’ll need a place to stay...”

“It doesn’t have to be big. That’s not the point. How many people are we talking? I’m sure we can work something out,” Cas insisted. Everything inside him was yelling that this wasn’t a good idea but he couldn’t seem to stop his mouth from moving.

“My brother, Sammy. Uncle Bobby, of course. A couple friends maybe – Charlie and Benny. I mean… really, it’s… not all that many people,” Dean shrugged, looking embarrassed.

Cas blinked. That was definitely a much shorter list than he’d expected. While he’d pictured Dean having a large family, that was beyond one’s control. But friends? How did Dean not have more in the way of close friends?

Dean fidgeted and must have felt like Cas was judging him. “I traveled a lot. Most of our friends were Michael's friends and so…” Dean shrugged again.

“It’s okay, Dean,” Cas said, reaching out to grasp Dean’s shoulder.

Even through layers, the skin was hot to his touch. Or maybe that was his imagination running away with him. His desire for Dean pulled at him. He swallowed.

“It’s the strength of the bonds we make that count, not the quantity.” Cas let go reluctantly and smiled. “And in this case, a blessing, since I’m fairly sure the house is big enough to put up all of them. It might be a little tight, sleeping arrangements wise, but doable.”

Dean’s face lit up. “Cas, you’re frickin’ awesome!” 

Cas felt a warmth spread through him. He hoped it didn’t show on his face.

Hastily, he cleared his throat. “What about Michael? I mean, he’s the one carrying the baby, so should maybe he be here, too?”

Dean frowned and looked away. “Is it selfish of me to say no? I mean, baby showers are all about family, which he really isn’t anymore. And it’s all about paving the way for the baby – which he doesn’t want. I can’t imagine he would be too comfortable being here for that and I think… I honestly just… I don’t…” Dean sighed and rubbed at his face harshly.

“No, Dean, it was a stupid question. I don’t think you’re selfish at all. I’m sorry I brought it up,” Cas apologized.

“Nah, man, that’s okay,” Dean said softly.

It was quiet then for a short while, as they both sipped at their tea. Eventually, Cas reached over to the laptop and started browsing and pointing things out again. They spent the rest of the evening setting up a baby registry and ending with Dean giving Cas his brother’s phone number.

All in all, it had been a roller coaster of a day.

If Cas went to bed dreaming of Dean’s lips on his, well, that was his secret to keep.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're interested - i was inspired for the mugs. i was describing them in my head when i decided to look to see if there were anythin like that out there. i found one that was almost exactly what i was imagining and than another which wasn't, but fit the description to a T and i fell in love with it even more then my imagination:
> 
>  
> 
> Cas's old mug: http://www.hanselandgretelcoffee.com.au/media/com_eshop/products/resized/Pippy%20Sherppard%20Mugs-4-500x500.jpg  
> the one Dean found: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/393713192404202455/


	12. Second Chances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean comes home to a cold house - only to find Cas in the early stages of Heat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut Ahoy
> 
> Also, it is funny to note that when my second Alpha got to this chapter, she threatened bodily harm in the notes at the top of my google doc if _they didn't just get together already dammit!_
> 
> and that was BEFORE I sprung a brand new chapter earlier in the fic...

**DEAN POV**

Dean pulled into the driveway, uncertain of how to feel. He should be disappointed, he supposed, about the fact that the place was a bust. He didn’t even bother going inside and taking the tour. He wasn’t going to have time to work on a fixer upper. Not as a single dad. And that house, just from the outside alone, was going to need  _ a lot  _ of work. And if it was that bad on the outside… well…

No, there was a chance it wouldn’t have been so bad. Never judge a book by its cover and all that, right? But truth be told, he didn’t want to move out of Cas’s.

_ Fuck _ . Dean closed his eyes tightly.  _ I’m just making fucking excuses. I can’t pull this shit on Cas, he doesn’t deserve to be passive-aggressively conned into having not just one but two roommates because I don’t want to fucking leave _ !

Bad enough Cas had already opened his house to Dean. Bad enough that Cas was throwing a baby shower for him -- opening his house to even  _ more  _ strangers just for Dean!

It’s what had caused Dean to push towards finding a place. It was stupid, but maybe if he found one before the baby shower next month, then Cas wouldn’t have to be inconvenienced by even more shit because of Dean.

But he really,  _ really _ didn’t wanna go. Dean hadn’t been able to stop thinking about their kiss for days. It had felt so much like coming home that it hurt. His longing for Cas had only grown.

Yet another reason to get out while he still could. Cas needed time. When he was ready –  _ if  _ he was ever ready – he’d give Dean a sign. Until then, Dean just had to stay strong and give him space. And he’d just have to deal with it if Cas was never ready. At least he’d have a friend, right?

Dean groaned and rubbed his face. With a sigh, he got out of the car and slowly walked up to the house. His thoughts circled around and around a lot these days and the center of that vortex was all Cas.

Stepping inside, ready to get out of the chill, Dean frowned. It was ice cold in the house. And quiet. Too quiet.

“Cas?” he called out.

He looked over at the thermostat and tapped the display. It wasn’t broken, it was turned off completely. He frowned _.  _

_Why had Cas turned the heat off?_ _It’s like, 20 degrees outside. That doesn’t make any sense at all._

The frown deepened when he noted that Lia’s coat was missing, though the school day was long since over.

“Cas?” Dean repeated, his slight concern and confusion now turning to worry. He hurried to check the kitchen first since it was closest and he took in the sight before him in less than a second.

Sitting slumped over at the table was Cas. His mug was at his elbow and his head was pillowed in his arms. Heart in his throat, Dean quickly crossed the kitchen to check on him. This close, he could see the sweat damp hair plastered to Cas’s head. “Cas, are you okay?”

Cas slowly raised his head and Dean was hit with a wall of scent so strong he almost choked on it. Swiftly taking in the sweat beading along Cas’s forehead, the slightly dazed look in his eyes, his partially open mouth and flushed cheeks, Dean’s mind made the connection in an instant.

“Shit, are you in Heat?” he blurted in surprise.

“Not… quite yet. But there’s no stopping it. I sent Lia away for a few days. I can’t…” Cas shook his head and wiped at the sweat on his face. He raised his blue eyes to look at Dean and his gaze seemed to burn into Dean’s soul.

Dean backed up a few steps, trying not to inhale too deeply, but couldn’t tear his eyes away from Cas’s. Dean was sure it would be pure torture trying to resist Cas in Heat. He wasn’t even sure if he could. He had to get out of here. He couldn’t take advantage of Cas!

“I’ll get out of your hair then,” Dean choked out the words.

He turned to go, but with his senses currently hyper-aware, he could hear a small whisper that made him freeze.

“Of course, if that’s what you want.”

Slowly, Dean turned and swallowed and looked at Cas. It took all his strength not to lunge back across the room and gather Cas into his arms. Had he really heard that or had it been wishful thinking?

“Cas? Did… is there something you want to ask me?”

Shakily, Cas stood and moved in close to Dean, his shirt sticking to his skin and drawing Dean's eye before he forced himself to look back up.

“Yes, actually. You don’t have to go, Dean, unless you really want to.” Cas’s tongue darted out and licked his lips.

Dean nearly whimpered. “Cas, man… I don’t… I think this is your Heat talking – “

“Dean,” Cas growled. “I won’t be compromised for a few more hours yet. I assure you, as unexpected as this was, I know my own body and my own mind, and I’m still in control of my faculties. It’s just a Heat, not a lifetime commitment.”

Dean couldn’t read the expression on Cas’s face, but there was a thread of sadness in the lust the Heat-scent threw off.

It gave Dean just enough courage to whisper, “What if I want it to be?”

Within seconds, Dean found himself pressed against the wall, the light switch digging a little uncomfortably into his back. Cas was breathing hard.

“Dean…” Cas growled for the second time that night. 

The sound went straight to Dean’s dick. Cas’s scent flowed over Dean more strongly. It was torn, now, between lust, anger and… was that… yes, yes it was: hope.

“Do you mean that? God, you better mean that. I don’t think I could take it if you didn’t.” Cas’s eyes shone fever bright and wet.

“I do,” Dean breathed out, his hands reaching out to cup Cas’s stubbled cheeks. “Are  _ you  _ sure?”

Cas nodded and closed the miniscule distance between them. Their lips touched and Dean felt as if he would explode from the simple slide of their mouths against the other. His hands reached for Cas, pulling him closer, inhaling his intoxicatingly happy scent. The room was soon suffused with their combined arousal. Dean groaned, deepening the kiss. One or both of them gasped, their mouths opening, making way for tongues to meet and dance together.

Dean shivered as he finally pulled away, staring dazedly once more at Cas. “Holy fuck, Cas,” he groaned.

Cas licked his lips and let out a breathless laugh, “That was…”

“Amazing.”

“Yes.”

“God, do you know how long I’ve wanted to do that?” Dean asked, his thumbs now brushing over Cas’s cheekbones.

Cas’s eyes fluttered closed briefly. Dean was caught in those blue eyes when they reopened. “If it’s anywhere near as long as I have, we’ve been torturing ourselves for a good long while.”

“We still need to talk –” Dean tried to say.

It was hard to think with Cas’s body against his. Dean was drunk on Cas’s scent, the clearest he’d ever smelled it: apple pie and thunderstorms.

Cas whined and pushed closer, knocking Dean back into the wall again as he mouthed over the his neck, kissing and tasting. Dean shuddered and held on for dear life, trying to bring his words back into focus. It had been important, hadn’t it?

“Talk later… I don’t think… it’s been too long since my last Heat. It’s coming on faster than it should be. Dean, I need you… please?”

“But you agree we need to talk?” Dean pushed.

Why was he pushing? Cas wanted him – and not just for his Heat. But how certain was Dean that it wasn’t Cas’s Heat that had pushed Cas into wanting him? Dean didn’t want either of them regretting this when all was over. What if Cas didn’t really want  _ him  _ and just needed the closest body? Could Dean take that rejection, knowing it would likely ruin any future they had together?

“Of course. Not now. Need you.” Cas pulled away from Dean.

Dean whined, seeing his (not his? His? Maybe his?) Omega leaving. 

Trailing his fingers down Dean’s arms, Cas grasped Dean’s hands in his. He threaded their fingers together and tugged Dean across the room.

“But not out here.”

Together they fumbled their way up the stairs to Cas’s room, hardly able to keep their hands and lips off of each other the entire time. How they didn’t break their necks was something Dean could wonder about later. Right now, he was too lost in Cas to even care.

Cas slammed his bedroom door shut as soon as they got inside. His hands went straight to the buttons of his shirt. They trembled and Dean laid his hands on Cas’s, stilling them.

He kissed Cas slow and lovingly, then pulled back to rest his forehead against Cas’s. “Let me,” he whispered.

Cas shuddered and nodded, dropping his hands away from his shirt to rest at his sides. Dean noticed Cas’s fingers twitching and smirked as they were in motion again. This time they tugged at Dean’s coat, yanking the zipper open and shoving at it to get it off of him.

“Too many clothes.”

“Fuck, you’re right.”

Dean nosed into Cas’s neck. His fingers finished off the last button and slid it off.

Once Cas was bare-chested and Dean’s arms were free, Cas renewed his efforts to get Dean’s jacket and subsequent layers off. Dean didn’t fight it, didn’t want to fight it. Soon they were both standing in their jeans. Dean still had his boots on. Cas pushed him towards the bed until Dean’s knees hit the edge of it and he fell into it.

He groaned when Cas followed after, straddling Dean’s hips, Cas’s chapped lips once more on his neck and the hot skin of Cas’s hands palming over his chest.

“I’ve dreamed of this,” Dean said breathlessly. “Never thought it would happen… How do you make all my dreams come true?”

“You’ve dreamed of me?” Cas paused to stare at him strangely.

“Yeah, I’m sorry if that’s creepy.” Dean blushed and looked away.

“No, no I’ve dreamed of this, of  _ you  _ as well, Dean,” Cas touched his face and gently turned Dean’s head to face him again. Dean could have resisted, but he was like putty in Cas’s hands. “I wanted… but you’re an Alpha. I didn’t think you’d want me, once you knew I was broken.”

“No, not broken!” Dean surged upwards to wrap Cas in his arms. “You’re so far from broken. God, Cas, being around you makes  _ me  _ feel whole. Like you were my missing piece I didn’t even know I was missing till I met you...” 

Surprise and hope flooded Cas’s eyes at Dean’s words. Cas’s lips twitched slightly, while his scent wrapped around Dean warmly.

Cas reached out to touch Dean’s face, sliding his long fingers down till his hand dropped to Dean’s shoulder. Dean barely restrained the shudder at Cas’s touch, the heat of it nearly scorching. Blue eyes stared into his and not for the first time, Dean felt as if they were boring into his soul.

He hoped he wasn’t found wanting.  From the expression on Cas’s face, Dean had no worries about that. He was not only not found  _ wanting, _ but was  _ wanted. _

And it was pretty clear by Cas’s words that Heat or no Heat, Cas wanted him as much as Dean wanted Cas. With this knowledge, Dean wholly gave himself to Cas and to Cas’s Heat.

* * *

 

**CAS POV**

Cas’s heart soared.

This couldn’t be real. It had to be yet another dream. He didn’t know why his suppressants had failed so spectacularly, leaving him completely unprepared for this Heat, but it had given him the courage to say something to Dean. And now here they were: in his room, half naked. He was with the man he loved more than he’d thought possible. The man he’d lost himself to even before he’d swore he wouldn’t.

Dean Winchester.

Cas’s Alpha.

Cas liked the sound of that.

He also liked the sounds that came out of Dean’s mouth with every roll of their hips. Every rub of their hard cocks against each other through the too tight fabric of their jeans. Every caress and every kiss. The moans and gasps, the ‘fuck, yeah’ and ‘Oh God, Cas!’, were all music to Cas’s ears. Each one of them pulling at his core and making him wetter – something he had not believed possible when he was in a full-blown heat.

Dean’s hands gripped his waist and fumbled at the edge of his pants. Before Cas knew it, they were both fully naked. Dean’s skin was a strange, burning balm against the heat of his own.

Cas’s need and urgency were growing and he had a moment to regret that they couldn’t draw out their first time. They couldn’t map each other’s bodies with their hands or their mouths, in a slow bout of lovemaking. But tonight was not the night for slow. Tonight, Cas burned.

As soon as Dean was settled back on the bed properly, Cas raised himself up, grabbed Dean’s cock, and steadied it against his hole. In one quick motion, he sheathed Dean inside himself.

Dean went easily, as slick as Cas was, and they both groaned. Dean arched up, throwing his head back and exposing his lovely throat to Cas. Cas took advantage of it, pressing his lips to the pulse point and sucking, rocking his hips against Dean’s.

He groaned into Dean’s neck, his hands gripping Dean’s shoulders for leverage as he pushed himself back onto Dean’s cock in desperation. He could feel his own throbbing with need while his heart beat fast.

His hips picked up the pace. Cas could feel Dean’s fingers on his ass. They gripped his cheeks tight, pulling them apart and open, pulling Cas down on Dean’s cock.

Cas sobbed into his neck, “Please, please, please…”

He bit down at the first stretch of Dean’s knot pushing inside of his hole. It popped in and out, tantalizing Cas with each thrust. Cas pushed fervently on it, wanting Dean inside him in every way. He cried out when it popped in one last time and caught, swelling and filling Cas just the way he wanted, the way he needed. It tugged on his rim and sent delicious frissons of pleasure through his body, as Dean’s dick ground on his prostate. His hips stuttered against Dean, chasing the bliss.

Cas cried out as Dean flipped him to his back, covering his body, and thrusting in deeper. Clutching at Dean’s back desperately, Cas came. 

Dean groaned and continued to thrust a few more times before he, shuddering and twitching, emptied himself inside Cas. 

Cas whimpered and his hole fluttered around Dean, tightening, squeezing the hard length inside of him, milking the Alpha’s cock.  With a final pulse of hot come inside of him, Cas jerked and came again. .

“Holy fuck, you’re amazing,” Dean whispered into his neck.

Dean nibbled at his ear, running a tongue around the lobe and back down his jaw till they touched Cas’s lips. His mouth engulfed Cas’s and they kissed, lazier now, less desperate, but still full of feeling.

_ This was heaven, _ Cas thought. The best sex he’d ever had, because it was Dean, the man he loved. He hoped this wasn’t some fever dream. He hoped Dean had meant it when he said he wanted something long term.

Because Cas could get used to this. He was already used to Dean in his house, eating with them, and practically being a dad to Lia already. Dean’s hard-working ethic, his sense of humor, his innate goodness… Cas couldn’t wait to wake up beside Dean, to have his arms wrapped around him.

Cas ran his hands along Dean’s bare back, tracing patterns he couldn’t begin to describe. His Heat had settled some and he felt comfortable in Dean’s arms. He smiled dopily at Dean as Dean shifted them both, easing them both onto their sides, their lower halves still blessedly connected. Cas lifted a hand up off Dean’s back to trace the freckles of his face.

“I can’t believe we’re here…” Cas murmured. “I feel like I’m dreaming.”

“Me too, Cas.” Dean’s voice cracked with feeling. “Almost from the moment I met you, when I came to live here, I didn’t want to leave. Didn’t want to leave  _ you _ or Lia. You both mean so much to me. I’ve never… I feel like I’m already home.”

Cas looked up into his green eyes. They were wet with the same feeling as his voice and Cas marveled that Dean had been just as lost in Cas as Cas had been in Dean. Lost in their longing and their fears.

Chuckling, Cas ducked his head into Dean’s neck. “I’ve been pretending nearly the entire time that you’ve been here that this  _ was  _ your home and the three of us  _ were  _ a family. I tried to stop myself. Told myself it wouldn’t end well. It never did. But you just… crawled your way inside me deeper than anyone ever has, quicker than I thought possible. I love you. Lia loves you. I just thought, there’d be no way you’d love us in return.”

“But I do, Cas, I really do.” Dean’s arms gripped Cas tighter.

Cas snuggled down into it, letting the warmth soothe him. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

It was a perfectly reasonable question, he figured. Dean knew all the reasons already why Cas didn’t want to try again. But what reason did Dean have for not moving forward, if Cas’s condition wasn’t an issue for him?

“It’s… hard to explain… I wanted to. I really, really did. But you just seemed so upset that I wasn’t sure if any overtures would be welcomed or believed. It didn’t seem like you were ready and I didn’t want to force myself on you.” Dean struggled with the words and sighed. “Didn’t want you to think it was out of pity.”

“What if I was never ready? Or never grew brave enough to try?” Cas asked.

“Then I’d take you any way I could get you. If all you were was my best friend, I’d be damn grateful for that. Because even in these few, short months, I can’t imagine not having you in my life at all. I truly don’t understand how anyone could pass up someone as awesome as you,” Dean insisted.

Cas felt a kiss against his forehead and he sighed happily, content with Dean’s answer.

“So you’ll stay? Or is it too soon?”

“I never wanted to leave. Of course I’ll stay. And it’s only too soon if we think it’s too soon. Besides, Lia seems to think we’ve known each other for over a year now, and that’s good enough to be going on.” Dean laughed lightly, the vibration running through him to Cas.

“I think my daughter has been playing matchmaker. She’s been asking if you’ll stay. She said she wanted me to be happy.” Cas smiled, his lips moving across Dean’s skin as he did. “And I am. Happier than I ever thought I could be. All I ever wanted was a family - a family filled with love. Dean, I have so much love to give. It hurt that there was no one to give it to.”

“You’ve got Lia. And I’m here now, and hey, we’ve got a baby on the way, Cas. You’re gonna be a daddy,” Dean said.

Cas could feel Dean’s lips turning up into a smile as they moved across his jaw.

Cas blinked. “Oh… oh, Dean! I didn’t even…” Cas couldn’t prevent the giddy laugh bubbling up. “A daddy!”

Even as he laughed, his eyes filled with tears.

“Oh, sweetheart, don’t cry...” Dean begged, wiping away at Cas’s tears, his fingertips warm and gentle.

“They’re good tears, Dean. I promise,” Cas sniffed. “I guess I’m just a little overwhelmed. What did I do to deserve this? To deserve you and all that you bring with you? I shouldn’t even have one child, and now, because of you, I’ll have two.”

“You deserve everything, Cas. Look at me,” Dean cajoled.

Cas pushed back far enough to look Dean in the eyes. Dean’s green eyes were determined and sincere, echoing the tone hidden in the leather and crisp autumn scent that wafted off him.

“You hear me? You deserve so much. And in my opinion, the world has a few things to make up to you. I’m not the world, but I wanna help do that.”

“You’re my world, Dean. You and my whole family. That’s good enough for me.”

They came together again for a soft, gentle kiss. Then another, and another. There was no rush, no urgency in this moment. Just love. The feeling pure and unfettered.

 


	13. Welcome to the Family

**Epilogue**

“Hmmm…” Cas groaned contentedly, leaning back against Dean’s chest in the tub. He was pleasantly sore, sated and happy, the last vestiges of his Heat finally washing away.

They’d showered first, Dean taking great pleasure and care in washing every inch of Cas’s skin, peppering it with kisses and turning each pass of the washcloth into a caress. It didn’t lead to anything, they were both too tired for that, but it was… God, Cas didn’t have the words for what it was.

Now they were content to just sit there in the hot water, wrapped in each other. Dean occasionally kissed Cas’s neck as he lay tiredly on the Alpha.

“I think I’m covered in bruises,” Cas murmured, tilting his head to give Dean better access.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Dean said.

“Don’t be. If you want to know the truth, there’s a particularly sensitive one I wish was more than a bruise.” Cas said. He shuddered when Dean’s mouth moved down to nip gently at that very spot, before soothing it over with his lips and tongue.

“Yeah, that one right there…” Cas whispered. If he hadn’t been so drained from the marathon sex they’d had over the past two and a half days, he knew he’d be hard.

Dean groaned. “God, I wanted to, so bad.”

Cas chuckled. “I could tell. Your restraint is to be commended.” He twisted a little to give Dean a long, lingering kiss before whispering, “Frustrating as hell, but commendable.”

“I wanna do it when we’re not lost in your Heat. God, Cas, I wanna worship you the way you deserve when it’s time for us to mate,” Dean whispered before leaning in for another long kiss.  

Cas had no objections to this. As long as he got to give Dean the same in return.

* * *

 

When they were once more decent and the windows in Cas’s room opened to air them out, he left Dean to move his things into his room while Cas went next door.

Mrs. Bea answered the door at the first knock and a sly grin spread over her face at the sight of him. Cas blushed.

“So, everything went all right?” she asked.

If anything, Cas blushed harder. “Y-yes. Quite well actually.”

She laughed. “Well, if the dreamy look on your face is anything to go by, I’d say yes. Did you mate?”

“N-not yet. We didn’t want to do it while…” he flushed again. What was everyone’s preoccupation with his love life?

“Ah, a wise move. Well, we had no problems here. Lia is a doll, as usual. You've done inordinately well with her. You should be proud.” Mrs. Bea lead the way into the house and Cas followed.

“I am. I love children.” A thought occurred to him, and he couldn’t help but smile giddily. “Oh wow… I’m going to be a dad.”

“What was that, Mr. Novak?” she turned to look at him in surprise.

“I just realized. If Dean and I get together – “ There was no  _ if  _ to that, Cas well knew, “he’s adopting his ex’s baby. That means…”

“Oh yes, you told me about that.” Her eyes glittered. “Who’s planning the baby shower?”

“Er, I am,” he answered, staring at her with wide eyes.

“Oh no, no, no,” she tsked. “That’ll never do. Let me do it.”

“I – “ Cas was stunned.

She patted his arm in reassurance. “Don’t you worry about a thing. I’ll take care of everything.”

He had no doubt that was true.

* * *

 

“Dean’s gonna be my new dad?” Lia asked excitedly. Her eyes were wide and her smile was bright. Dean couldn’t help but give her an answering grin.

“You’re okay with that?” Dean asked.

Lia threw her arms around him. “Yes!”

Dean relaxed and when he looked up at Cas, he could see the tension rolling away from his shoulders too. They’d both suspected she’d be okay with it, but it felt good to hear and see the confirmation.

She pulled back suddenly. “Oh! And I’m getting a little brother or sister too!” she squealed. She clapped her hands together and started dancing about the room.

Dean laughed and took Cas’s hand in his. “That went well.”

“Indeed. Now we tell everyone else.” Cas smiled.

* * *

 

Their family and friends were all mortifyingly happy, particularly their brothers. But while Dean’s family and friends list had been surprisingly small, Cas’s guest list was huge. Cas had no idea how they were going to accommodate all of them. His house was decently sized, but not  _ that  _ big.

“Tents in the backyard,” Dean suggested. 

Cas looked at him in horror. 

“What? The weather will be just right by then. And we won’t stick anyone out there who wouldn’t rather a real bed. Like Uncle Bobby.”

“I can host a few folks at my house,” Mrs. Bea volunteered. “And don’t forget, I’ll take Lia when you’re ready for the mating. Are you still planning for the week before the shower?”

Cas and Dean shared a smile and nodded together. Their fingers twined together under the table. They were really looking forward to that.

* * *

 

Dean’s eyes bugged as Jimmy’s scent hit him.. He’d already been forewarned that Cas and Jimmy were twins, but the scent of Alpha almost smacked him in the face.

“You’re an Alpha?” Dean blurted. His eyes flicked over to Cas and back again in confusion. “But that…”

Jimmy rolled his eyes. “I know what you’re thinking. Twins always present the same. If you want to know the truth? We suspect Cas’s issues are because we didn’t.”

“That makes sense, I guess? It also explains why you were so pushy about setting him up on dates,” Dean pointed out, still upset about the night Cas had come home in tears.

“I didn’t know… Cas didn’t tell me… we used to tell each other everything,” Jimmy said, scrubbing a hand through his hair. “I am very grateful, by the way, that you took the initiative to do so. I had a feeling you were the one when you did.”

“Is that a blessing?”

Jimmy smirked. “Yeah, you can consider it one.” 

“I’ll take it,” Dean grinned back.

“I’m warning you though, you hurt my brother...” Jimmy said, wagging a finger in Dean’s face.

“No need for that, big boy. Also, I suspect my brother’s about to tell Cas the same thing. I’m gonna go rescue him. Good talk.” Dean clapped a momentarily stunned Jimmy on the shoulder and left, making his way over to where Sam was, indeed, in the process of warning Cas.

Dean draped an arm around Cas’s shoulders and glared at his brother. “You can back off, Sammy. Cas and I are the real deal. Trust me, you’ll love him once you get to know him.”

“It’s okay, Dean,” Cas said with a smile. “I understand where your brother’s coming from. Speaking of, has Jimmy cornered you yet?”

Dean snorted. “Oh yeah, he tried. But I know you’re it for me, Cas.” He looked at Cas and smiled. Neither could resist the pull towards the other and they only broke apart from their soft kisses when Sam cleared his throat.

“I – ahem – I get the point. Welcome to the family, Cas.”

“Thank you, Sam.”

* * *

 

Dean hated to be apart from Cas for too long. Another glaring difference from when he’d been with Michael.

How had he not realized?

“Don’t stress about it,” Cas soothed, rubbing at Dean’s shoulders, tight from the long day of driving.

“About what? Me and Michael or the baby?”

“Either. Both.” Cas kissed his mate before leaning back as Lia jumped up onto the bed, her plushie held tightly in her hand. 

She bounced on her knees and babbled excitedly, as she’d been doing for the entire trip, about the baby.

“Will it be there? Will it?” she pestered.

“Not yet, poppet. But maybe by the time we get there. Let’s cross our fingers, okay?” Cas said as Dean laughed.

“What’s taking so long?” she pouted.

Dean pulled her into his arms. “Babies take as long as they take.”

“But we got the call  _ yesterday _ ! We already waited like, a bazillion years! How come the baby isn’t here yet?” she snuggled down in Dean’s arms and Cas’s heart melted. This was his family now and soon it would be even bigger.

“You think  _ that’s  _ something… apparently Uncle Sammy took 3 days!” Dean said with mock horror.

She gasped and Cas laughed. “You’re terrible!” he said to Dean.

Dean grinned back unrepentantly. “I know.”

* * *

Little Jack was blonde haired and blue eyed, with a smattering of freckles dusting his cheeks. He was absolutely adorable and all around perfect. After cooing over Jack a little bit, Dean helped Cas and Lia get situated with the baby on the couch under the window. He almost sat down with them, but then glanced up to see Michael, alone in the hospital bed.

Something about it urged Dean to tear himself away from his family long enough to give Michael more than a greeting. He walked back over to the bed and sat beside him. Michael seemed a little groggy from everything, but otherwise looked quite well.

“Thank you, Michael. This means a lot to us, that you were willing to go through all of this…”

“Dean, don’t. You’re doing me a huge favor here too. I can’t be a single father, I’m not cut out for it. But I could never have… I’m glad there was someone I could trust that could take the baby. Thank you for not holding anything against him.”

“I could never!”

“I know. Dean, and I’m sorry. Don’t know if I ever said it, but I am.”

“Why’d you do it, Michael? I never understood that.” Dean said it quietly, biting his lip. He hoped he didn’t regret asking this question now, in what was supposed to be a happy moment.

“To be honest with you, I don’t know what I was thinking. I’ve got no excuse for my behavior, Dean.”

“If you weren’t happy – “

“I wasn’t exactly  _ not  _ happy. Everything just suddenly felt so  _ wrong  _ but I couldn’t figure out why.” Michael sighed tiredly. “I had everything an Omega could want and it just… felt wrong.”

“Maybe you’re not that kind of an Omega,” Dean looked up at Michael. “We’re not cookie cutters, man.”

Michael was thoughtful. “I never thought of that.” He shook his head. “Still, doesn’t matter. I could have handled it a lot better. But at least I could make up for it. Jack may have been an accident but, he’s doing some good here, I can see it already.”

The two of them stared at the pretty picture beside them. Cas and Lia side by side on the little couch, and Cas carefully tucking Jack into Lia’s arms, hands hovering at the ready but letting her hold her new baby brother, showing her how to support his head. Dean’s heart melted as it did every time he looked at his new family.

“I’m glad you’re happy Dean,” Michael whispered.

“I am,” Dean grinned. “I really, really am.”

* * *

Cas looked up to note his mate’s adoring eyes and dopey little smile. His eyes crinkled as he smiled back and beckoned to Dean.

Dean stood up and joined his family on the couch, reaching out his hand to touch little Jack’s. He stared avidly as Jack’s hand reflexively curled about just one of his fingers, his eyes currently closed, face relaxed and content as he slept.

“He’s so tiny,” Lia whispered the words like they were a great big secret.

Cas chuckled and covered his mouth, tears pricking at his eyes. Despite the hospital neutralizers, the room was awash with a giddy, happy scent. 

Cas couldn’t help the feeling bubbling up in his chest. It was amazing where his life had taken him. He never thought he could have this. A real family. Children and an Alpha who loved him  _ for him.  _ He missed his best friend, and he always would, but he was happier than had been for a long time.

And he had Dean to thank for that. Not just for loving him, but for also showing him that Cas had always been worthy of that love and that he deserved happiness as much as anyone else did.

It wasn’t perfect. Life never was. But it didn’t have to be.

And Cas was finally okay with that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy Mackeral! We've reached the END!!! An end to the pining at long last. 
> 
> It's been a rough past six months as I tried to write 2.5 big bang stories at the same time for nearly the same deadlines and work on other projects at the to boot, but we're done!
> 
> And... i might be eyeing the DCBB signups. Somebody - tell me not to do it! I have 3 different ideas but I don't know if any of them are workable - especially on a deadline! I need a break! Meep!


End file.
